Put my daughter on a diet - advice would be welcome from parents who have done the same.

[dexiedoo]

My daughter (12.5years is overweight and it is concerning me, so, I have decided to put her on a diet/healthy eating regime. I will be doing it with her (But following weightwatchers).

Today is her first day, do any of you wise mumsnetters have any idea what I do to be encouraging?

Over the past few weeks I have started increasing the amount of exercise she does and I'm stopping snacking etc in between meals and bulking with fresh veg and salads.

Any more ideas would be welcome

Its difficult. My DD (nearly 13) is overweight - I don't know what she weighs but most clothes that are right for her heightwise are too tight round the tum and chest. (she's short, 145 cm at the mo).

We have always tried to do 'healthy eating' (there's a limit to what you can make a child eat - you can't force them to eat wholemeal if they hate it); we do exercise as a family (walking, bike rides); during the summer she spends every Sat sailing & windsurfing. She did 3 hours solid ski-ing at Chill Factor this morning, lucky thing....she has a wii which she periodically uses a lot (often with a friend).

Its hard to know what else to do.

Are there any dance classes near you? that can be fun

It's carbs/sugar that make you fat, that's why people who go carb-lite/free very quickly lose weight, hence better to cut down on bread/pasta/sugar etc.

ah, there is another exercise that melts your bum and tones your tum very quickly (esp on top of carb-lite): slowly walking on the spot, lifting your knees as high as you can, I started doing that a few months ago (50 p/day in the comfort of my bedroom) and people have been asking me if I started running

I was overweight at that age too. I now know the problem was that a carb heavy diet caused blood sugar problems so I was always hungry. Please don't cut her snacks (if she is hungry) as my parents did this which caused me to be ravanous and gorge on carbs at every meal. Could you offer healthy snacks like greek yogurt (no sugar added) and fruit, cheese, oatcakes and hummus, nuts, Burgen soya and linseed bread (low GI). I weigh less now at 38 than I did when I was a teenager simply by watching the sugar and carbs.

I would also recommend Patrick Holford's books for ideas. Such as:
www.amazon.co.uk/Smart-Food-Kids-Recipes-Childs/dp/0749953454/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1325631806&sr=1-1-catcorr

www.amazon.co.uk/Low-GL-Diet-Made-Easy/dp/0749927143/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_8

Oh yes you can offer a child those options!

My fridge contains very little except greek yog, cheese, ham, fruit and veg, and I make my own cheesy oatcakes. I think it must be the carb content of main meals which is out of balance... not easy to deal with a still rather fussy eater.

My daughter has been on a "diet" since she was 9 months old.

Carbs aren't the enemy for most people, we just need less of them and of a different type. Cutting them out completely especially for a growing teenager is not necessary.

Half of my DDs dinner plate is veg, she drinks sugar free squash rather than fruit juice and doesn't have biscuits, crisps, sweets, cakes, chocolate or puddings.

Maximise opportunities for exercise, limit snacking, watch portion sizes and increase fluids. "Diets" don't work so aim to change the way the whole family eats.

"Half of my DDs dinner plate is veg, she drinks sugar free squash rather than fruit juice and doesn't have biscuits, crisps, sweets, cakes, chocolate or puddings. "

Agree with the veg. I would go for diluted fruit juice rather than sugar free squash- artificial sweeteners are not things I want my children to take in. And no biscuits etc ever strikes me as a bit draconian.

We can't do fruit juice seeker - she needs calorie free as she is on such a restricted calorie diet, ditto the no biscuits rule. DD2 has Prader-Willi Syndrome hence the strictness - I appreciate such measures aren't necessary for all children by any means.

Oh I lie re the biscuits - she had a Jaffa cake at Christmas!

Well, I do think it's important to say if your child is on a special diet for medical reasons- people might read ypu'r post and think that's an appropriate diet for a child without particular dietary requirements. Which it isn't.

You're right, typing quickly and leaving out pertinent info not good.

Apologies.

She might grow a few inches in the next couple of years which will cause her to be a lot slimmer.

IMO (and this is definitely just my opinion) replacing wholesome foods like milk and butter with fake or reduced fat alternatives is going about it the wrong way. Milk is great for growing kids and making it a target for dieting gives the wrong impression of it. Butter, equally, is fine in small portions. Full fat milk and butter make things like mashed potato and wholemeal pasta taste a lot better so they help to encourage healthy eating. It's better to replace white bread and pasta with wholemeal alternatives, offer milk, water or herbal (non fruit) tea for drinks, cut out sugary breakfast cereals and have something like porridge (add a little honey or brown sugar if necessary, one spoon won't make much difference), have a nice filling lunch of something like a baked potato with tuna followed by a banana to reduce snacking and then make a good dinner full of vegetables such as spaghetti bolognese or chicken casserole.

I'm firmly of the belief that diet foods are totally counterproductive. They are a poor substitute for the real thing and are generally smaller and packaged in dull packaging all of which reduce the psychological "hit" of eating a "forbidden" food. They're just depressing, basically. It's much better I think to work out what "normal" foods you can eat and in what quantities and try to make some really tasty meals out of that.

Ditto what others have said about actual dieting at a young age. I went on a series of crazy crash diets from the age of 15 even though I was hardly overweight by today's standards. Actively encouraged by my mother who never hid her own weight worries from me. What I now realise is it can be very easy to lose weight at that age - cutting snacks and extras, building in a bit of exercise - a doddle compared to how hard it is now in my forties after a lifetime of messing with my metabolism.

Having said all that I have an 8 year old with a lifelong tendency to be plumpish. I'm super food aware and always make a big thing of having healthy food and no junk, but equally I don't want to ban anything 100% of the time as I think that encourages secret eating. We have regular balanced meals but she just likes eating and is always asking for more. It's a real dilemma - I'm convinced saying no all the time is not good, but on the other hand I can't let her eat constantly, even if she's eating fruit. I don't want to give her body issues at her age - she already talks about being fat but I'm very wary of what the earlier posters said about the mother/food relationship. So I don't know what to do, even with my own experience to go by. I think this whole subject is a minefield!

Mona I'd say if you can, relax for the time being about your daughter's weight. Children's tend to build up a store of fat and then have a burst of growth so for periods of time most children look plumper than normal. The way I think of it is that she needs massive amounts of raw materials to build her adult body. If she eats healthy food then none of it will go to waste, it'll all go towards building her bones and muscles for the future.

Mona, your daughter sounds EXACTLY like mine -- permanently on the plump side and always asking for more, so I have to be the bad guy. It's hard not to make an issue of it if the bloody child will never shut up about food, isn't it?

Doesn't help that she has two superskinny older brothers (one of them with a tendency to undereat, the other madly active but eats like a horse) so I don't feel I can ban all snacks from the house in case they starve.

As she gets older, I'm getting worried that our policy of never mentioning her weight is pointless, as other kids just rudely point it out anyway. Those who say their parents gave them lifelong hangups about food and diet -- what's the right way to do it, then, please?

(I'm already knackered from trying to push the kid to exercise, btw. We've tried swimming, skipping, canoeing, dance -- but she defaults to sofa-with-book mode the moment I go to do something else. And she speaks with bitter scorn of the 'lovely walks' we went on over Christmas...)

Oh, and at 10 she's already nearly my weight, so I'm wary of just letting her grow into it -- what if she never gets tall enough to be a truly healthy weight?

Oh it's nice to know there's someone else going through the same thing! My daughter is also very fond of the sofa and book and highly reluctant to do anything too active. If I could find a way of letting her know it's important to look after herself without helping her on her way to lifetime of body issues I would be so happy... At the moment I feel like I'm trying to control her weight without letting her know (ie not giving her a complex and making it all worse) - and that's increasingly hard.

I do like your idea though Cailin - I'd be thrilled if she did just grow into herself. She was a very long, skinny baby for the first three months so I always had this idea that one day she'd be tall again, but not so far!

Just remember people come in different sizes. Some people are just designed to be bigger or a bit plump and there is actually no harm in that as long as they eat healthily and are fit and active.
I think its far more important to focus less on body shape size and concentrate on lifestyle for EVERYONE, regardless of body shape and size.
If your children are going to be on the bigger side, surely its better to encourage their self esteem and let you know you love them AS THEY ARE, rather than trying to change them?

part of it is modern life, isn't it?

I remember as a teen I walked to school (20 mins brisk walking (late late late!)) and back every day. Also walking to a friend's house in the other side of town (40 minute walk) often, and no technology so we went out in the street and found things to do there, such as stalking the cute paper boy on his rounds .

Just doing that 2x20 minute brisk walk every day meant I could pretty much eat what I liked.

You would not let your dog have no exercise for a whole day, you'd give him at least 20-30 mins twice a day. Same applies to people.

(Anyone who has horses or dogs KNOWS what to do to keep them healthy and fit, yet people seem so puzzled about the "complexity of obesity" when it comes to humans).

I grant you it's hard to build in exercise if it's not a normal part of daily life.

It's a hard judgement call - do you raise weight as an issue because a child is getting overeight and risk calling too much attention to it at a sensitive age, or do you ignore, hope the child will 'grow into' the weight, and risk them being an overweight/obese teen/adult?

It is very tricky ground, and there will be anecdotal and official research data suggesting that both strategies are both the best way to go and also the most harmful!

Only you know your DD and how she is likely to respond to each approach. However, couching this in terms of 'being healthy' rather than loosing weight must be the way to go, as it reducing the amount of high fat/sugar things in the house, eating healthily yourself as a role model, plus incorporating more exercise into your daily routine.

I have to say, I am 5ft2, not a skinny minny, and weigh more than a stone less than your DD at 40yrs+, so if I were in your shoes, I would be definitely be taking some action. Yes, we are all different shapes and sizes, but it sounds that at the moment your DD does need some help with her weight. I was definitely 'fat' at that weight (and/or full term pg with my children!), and I have pretty broad shoulders and hips.

Can you show her examples of healthy, but not skinny women (athletes? Kate Winslett??), showing that you don't have to be teeny to be healthy, in addition to extolling the benefits to your body and mind of eating the right things and getting daily exercise? Tell her how she needs to have a healthy strong body as she is growing up and that you are going to help her with this Good luck!

I do think you need to get her active and manage her snacks and portion sizes rather than putting her on a diet per se. 10st9 is considerably more than I weight in my 30s and I am 5'7. I agree with the posters who have advised against substituting sugar/fat free alternatives. They rarely satisfy the appetite and are usually full of chemical junk.

I hated PE when I was a kid - being shouted at to run around a field in the cold was not my idea of fun. However, I always walked a lot (my mum didn't drive so I had to!) and would bike ride/hit a ball against a wall for ages. As a teen I discovered swimming and that was my thing - something I could do at my own pace without anyone bossing me around. I love running and gymming now but still cannot stand anything like circuit classes where people are shouting at me what to do and when! Can you find her "thing" sportswise?

Is she overweight because she has been allowed to overeat or eat the wrong foods or is she overweight because she has not been doing enough exercise?

Its quite hard to build daily exercise (beyond what they have to do at school) into the week of a secondary school child. Esp if the child has to be out of the house at 7:30 to get to bus-stop (which is too far to walk to) and gets home not far short of 5.00, really difficult in winter in this weather. Mine might do some wii /kinetix if friend is here or she's at a friends house - but she's certainly not up for going out to any activity. She did karate all through primary (TBH its really not that good as exercise) but was too tired of an evening to manage it on a schoolnight with homework.

Realistically what can one do?

Body shape does matter - not for aesthetic reasons but because the health issues of fat round the waist are well known. Her granny is diabetic and DH knows he's at risk. If my DD had my arse and thunderthighs I'd be less concerned!

While I certainly hope my DD is due a growth spurt, and most of what Cailin has written is wonderfully sensible, I'm sceptical about 'it'll all go towards building her bones and muscles for the future.' Sorry, but you'd need an alchemist to turn fat into bone or protein.

Any ideas?

Errrr how about you back the hell off and treat your daughter like the young adult she is and talk to her about the changes she may like to make - sounds like you have already done that from your second post which is imo very different from your first.
So then you back the hell off and back the hell off some more.

HTH.

Please be incredibly careful. I was a healthy 11yr old until my mum started putting me on diets. I am now in my 30s and morbidly obese. Food was never an issue for me until my mum started making me feel bad.
I'm sure you don't think you are doing this but mind that you are not accidentally perceived that way.

dexiedoo it is a good thing that you are trying to help your daughter become a healthy weight. Please don't be put off making the effort, but do focus more on yourself losing weight and try not to push your daughter into it.

Think of it more as getting into different habits. Weightwatchers is a good idea for you but it doesn't make sense to an 11 year old. Does she eat a lot of sweets? When I cut out sugar it sends me a bit nuts for a few days - be prepared for tantrums. Try to ensure she has lots of protein and healthy cereals - these will keep her going for longer during the day without having a blood sugar level drop.