Share your supermarket stories with Squishy McFluff

[NataliaMumsnet]

Told in comical rhyming verse, Squishy McFluff: Supermarket Sweep is a hilarious tale where Ava and her very naughty, invisible cat take a trip to the local supermarket - but will Squishy be on his best behaviour?

We're giving you the chance to win £200 of Waitrose vouchers courtesy of Faber Children’s books. Inspired by Squishy's supermarket escapades, we want to know your supermarket stories.

Tell us those hilariously embarrassing tales that made you blush - maybe your DC knocked down a shelf of food or made an inappropriate remark about the supermarket attendant looking like an alien?

We're looking forward to hearing your stories. Two runners-up will also win £50 each of Waitrose vouchers and all winners will receive copies of the Squishy McFluff books. We’ve also got 50 copies of Squishy McFluff: The Invisible Cat up for grabs, apply now.

MN Book Club

My DD aged 3 was very interested in where food comes from...so she would ask "What animal is this meat from?" and I would say "That's pork...so it came from a pig." etc etc.

She kept trying to get me to explain what scotch eggs were...and I said they were eggs from a chicken and meat from a pig made into little balls.

Not long later on another day she was peering in to a lady's trolley examining things and telling a horrified looking child of about 6 "This is part of a dead cow you know....and these are pig balls."

Pig balls! The Mother of the child was giving me evils and she said "No, no they're not dead cows darling...of course they're not!" and shoved the trolley and her child away from my DD at top speed.

Not quite a supermarket, but while walking round B&Q last weekend our daughter decide to drop her pants and climb onto a display toilet! I grab her before she went, only for her to wee down my leg making it look like I'd wet myself.

When my son was 3, we were shopping in our local shop. They had one of those large plastic charity collection tubs near the check out, in the shape of my sons favourite cartoon character - Sooty. He would always stand 'talking' to Sooty while I bagged my groceries and, after paying, I would always give him some change to put in him.
As I was about to pay, I reached for my purse, which i'd placed by the side of me while I packed, only to find it was no longer there! I turned, horrified, to see my son emptying the whole contents into Sooty!! Needless to say I couldn't ask for the money back, but could also no longer pay for my shopping as had come out without bank cards so had to apologise and leave red faced!

My daughter refuses to eat normal everyday vegetables. She will eat avocados and celeriac probably because they are the least likely veggies to be found on any kids menu!
However last time we where in a supermarket she decided to take bites out of carrots and cucumbers within easy reach. Once I realised what she was up-to I had to stop myself from yelling stop at her, and quickly pick up all damaged vegetable to pay and take home, which of course she didn't eat!

My 4 yr old waiting in line said in a loud voice 'why has that man got a sticky out tooth' about some old boy doing his shopping & before that 'why has that lady got such a fat tummy' when clearly heavily pregnant & 'mummy have you got a baby in your tummy'.

I was once in the feminine hygiene section if the supermarket when a toddler walked past with his mum and said in an extremely loud voice "Look mum, there are those cigarettes you put up your bum"! Needless to say, she couldn't get out of there fast enough!

Shopping with ds1, who was prone to carelessness, I asked him to get me some toilet paper. A safe enough request I thought, However I had failed to notice the pyramid display at the end of the aisle. before I could stop him he grabbed one from the bottom and the whole lot cascaded down. He got such a fright he started crying and the store staff were concerned that he had been hurt. I think they also assumed that it had fallen on him so we didn't have to confess to his misdemeanour.

I refer to the checkout operators in my local store as ladies and gentlemen to the DC.

Three year old DC1 stood by the queue waving his groceries calling out "Lady! Lady!" sounding like he came from an American sitcom. Ah well.

Or DC3 who shrieked so loudly having a tantrum the aforementioned ladies came to help, thinking he had hurt himself, and I had to confess no, he was just having a strop.

walking past the wine aisle with ds who was about 4.

said very clearly, especially as he was having speech therapy at the time, "mummy that's your special drink". then when I stopped to look he pipes up " why not buy two, you like to drink it "

My boy loves to narrate the contents of my trolley as it is being placed on the checkout. He is also very loud and likes to make sure everybody can hear what he has to say!! I am 9 months preggers now and have suffered a very very week bladder throughout so he has witnessed me having a few accidents over the summer in my final trimester and also watched me apply a sanitary towel as he also follows me into the loo. We were in tescos and I was stocking up on Always Ultra which is a brand he recognises and loudly announced to everyone...."mummy,s nappies, mummy's got a leaky foof so she wears nappies". "Mummy wee wee'd on the toilet floor and it was sticky". The poor check out guy did not know where to look and his face was possibly redder than mine. Lots of people clearly heard judging by the giggling in neighbouring aisles too, and the most embarrassing thing was I still had another 50 or so items to come through the checkout!!!

Not my DC, but I did see a boy at tescos with his head stuck behind a hand rail that ran around a steel girder/pillar. I was ever so relieved he wasn't mine.

with a two year old in the trolley, little fingers reached out and grabbed a sticker off a pair of jimjams and stuck it on my heavily pregnant tum. Unaware, I walked around for the next hour wondering why I was getting stares and smiles. When I got home, I found the sticker: 'Touch Me, I'm Soft,' it said.

in the supermarket shes in the child seat.
around her mouth is a packet of kit kats.
"how did you manage to get them!!" we hadnt been near the kitkats.
"i remembered how you said to work together to pass items today,so i asked the boy in the trolley next to us if i could have his kit-kats and then he could have our krispies."
i looked and our cereal had gone.
oh...

We have so many tales of such sort to be told,
Some are recent and some are very old.
I remember the time when my sister asked out loud:
'Whose done a fart?' and the blushing shop-assistant looked down.

Nowadays we have fun with the self-scan machine,
Who gets rather cross at us and sounds rather mean.
When it asks if we've used our own bags, my daughter shouts 'no!'
Whilst my son scans in toys of his own that he's brought from home!

The toilet roll stack got knocked down in a jiffy,
When my kids ran around it and made me giddy.

The desserts got demolished and squidged by little fingers galore,
My baby ate food off the shelves and then asked for 'more'.

The queue is a dreadful place to wait,
Because of the comments the kids make about weight.
'That man is fat, that lady's grumpy,
Why are you buying cakes mum when you're big and lumpy?'

And all that before I've even told you about our bad luck,
When somehow, yes somehow, my son's head got stuck!
He'd pulled round a basket trolley, you know those mini things on wheels,
When 'help' 'help' he shouts and then starts to squeal.
I turn round and see his head through the handle of the basket.
However has he done that! I don't even dare ask it!

Now you may think I'm exaggerating, that these tales are not real.
But I kid you not, with my family, this is the real deal!

(These are true things that have happened to us at the supermarket!)

When DS was 2 we'd been out on his bike and I just needed to nip in the supermarket to grab some milk. I didn't have a bike lock and didn't want to leave the bike outside so I told DS that we would have to walk the bike round the supermarket. A minute or so later I spotted a friend and got chatting before realising DS was no longer by my side (and neither was the bike). I then noticed a rather large, sweaty security guard 'sprint' past the end if the aisle so I nipped along to check what was happening.
It turned out that the security guard was in hot pursuit of a toddler, who obviously thought thus game of chase as he rode his bike at top speed round the supermarket was great fun.
Red faced, I managed to remind my son that we don't ride bikes in supermarkets and apologise to the out of breath security guard. He was less than impressed.

I was at the checkout and pulled my purse out of my bag only to drop a sanitary towel on the floor, within seconds this man came over, picked it up and tried to hand it to me, saying is this yours, no, I reply absolutely so embarrassed, but he wouldn't let it go and kept on, so in the end I snatched it off him and ran!!!

When he was maybe 3 ds was having the standard 'where does food come from?' conversation.
"So milk comes from cows?"
"Yes love"
"And apple juice comes from apples?"
"Yep"
"Mummy, does that mean humming birds make hummus?"

Love the way the mind of a 3yo works!

When DS was about 7 or 8 we did a big shop and went to checkout with full trolley, as we waited I remembered something else I needed so asked him to stay there while I went to get the item.

On the way back I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen for ages and got distracted chatting! When I realised I needed to get back to the checkout DS had out all shopping through and was waiting for me to pay! Home Alone was his favourite film around then....

Trying to load the shopping onto the conveyer belt in a bit of a fluster. Toddler safely sitting in the seat of the trolley.
It wasn't until I clocked a shocked look from an older lady that I realised my toddler had got hold of the eggs and was smashing them one by one on the shop floor!
Soooo embarrassed but huge thank you to the Waitrose staff who insisted on cleaning it up (not me) and replacing my eggs without even batting an eyelid.

My daughter is in the midst of potty training, so everywhere we go before we leave the house we will first ask if she needs to go to the toilet for a poo or wee. She then replied 'no'. When we got to the supermarket I then asked her again, as we were passing the toilets, if she needed the toilet for a poo and wee, in which she replied 'No'. We then proceeded to shop. She began whispering and pulling at my arm, mumbling. I got down and asked her to speak up as I couldn't hear her in which she shouted 'Mammy, I'm pooing. I'm pooing, I'm pooing. It is coming out NOW!'
I then picked her up like a rugby ball and ran to the toilets, people disbanding out of the way after clearly hearing why I was in such a hurry.

The best supermarket tale I ever heard was when a young boy was repeatedly pushing a trolley into an old lady in the queue, the lady was too polite to say anything but the lady behind them said to the child's mother"Excuse me but can you stop your child doing that?" The mother replied " I don,t agree with telling children off! " the other lady then took a yoghurt out of her shopping, removed the lid and poured over the mothers head and said " yes , I was brought up like that too and look how I turned out!

Can't comment on the DCs but can still feel the embarrassment of dropping a jar of picked onions as a child in Tesco. My Mum meanly made me go in after a tap dancing lesson (pointless, was crap anyway). I was so embarrassed, must have been bad to feel more concerned about the jar than the blood on my hand!

Several years ago I took my 3 young sons aged 3, 4 and 7 (whilst pregnant with my 4th, a girl) to the supermarket to find they had introduced 'child size trollies'.

Great idea.

Each son took charge of a trolley and then proceeded to race one another to see who could collect each item of shopping first. I stood by helplessly while other shoppers tried to dodge and get out of their way while they careered up and down the aisles. I tried valiantly to stick to my shopping list but ended up stressed, exhausted and with 3 of everything.

Needless to say I didn't return to that supermarket for a very long time.

A week before christmas i was pushing my 18month old in trolley,hubby pushing 9 month old in pram,went down wine aisle buying expensive whiskey etc for inlaws,when BANG i was too near the champange shelf,my son literally pulled it down I WAS MORTIFIED!!! :( a worker came and sweeped up and noone said a word!!! :-o worst ever!

I was at the Deli Counter of a well known supermarket holding my youngest daughter and about to buy some chicken breasts when she pulled down my top exposing me in front of the young man serving me and shouted 'BOOBIES' at the top of her voice! I was mortified, and it took what seemed like ages to cover my modesty, the guy did not know where to look, my little girl was giggling wildly and chanting 'Boobie juice, Boobie juice!' I literally left my basket where it was and quickly left!!