As a childless step-parent on Mumsnet, I think im done with MN

[Livinginacatdictatorship]

I am 36, I dont have children and it wasnt a i dont want children and didnt have children it was a much more complicated decision, concerning children already in the picture. I am a step mother, or dads girlfriend as some would term me because we aren't married but i have been in their lives for a significant amount of time.
I couldn't post in the step parent forum because, wow, thats a scary place. Equally I don't fit here as although I dont have biological children I have children in my life. I feel like im a bit of a grey area.

But there is a great amount of animosity between people on this site between people who are parents and those who aren't who like to use the site as well. Over and over people explain why the chat forum expands far beyond being a parent etc... and yet (among a few) oh no you have no right to be here etc, CF are so nasty and mean.

Loads of people are nasty, loads of people wade in where they have no business being, parents are mean to parents!

I'm venting here because I would be absolutely flamed in the step parent board. But I just dont feel welcome on this site right now.

That is a real shame, @Livinginacatdictatorship - speaking for myself, I think it is great that we have people who aren’t parents on here, as well as people who are. I love the fact that we can talk about so many different topics that having nothing to do with parenting, as well as the many topics that do.

I hope you find your online home and tribe.

Sad thing is i have been on the site for many years, i love its mainly women covering all ages, interests, life experience. But some people are like a dog with a bone (no offence to dogs 😅)

Just stay away from those threads? I mainly spend my time on the chronic illness or gardening side of this website (childfree not by choice)

I'm sorry to read your OP @Livinginacatdictatorship You're fine to post on this section, in my opinion, that is. Can't speak for anyone else!

there is a great amount of animosity between people on this site between people who are parents and those who aren't who like to use the site as well

I cant say Ive particularly noticed that (speaking as a person who doesn't have children), i dare say it depends on the threads you frequent. Step-mothers are definitely given a rough ride.

You are welcome here @Livinginacatdictatorship

@Reachedout probably, I think im in a bit of a huff lol.
@bedfrog I dont intentionally seek out threads that annoy me, that would be silly.
@ParmaVioletTea I know most posters dont give a hoot who posts. Advice, opinions are valid from any walk of life right and 99% of people who cant give anything of use just scroll on, but thank you ❤️
@DisplayPurposesOnly imo anyone who posts there just gets absolutely torn apart.

@musixa 💓

@Livinginacatdictatorship, that stuff is one of the reasons I spend most of my time in FWR & the Litter Tray - where they know all about cat dictatorships!

I closed my old account too as I was getting bashed a lot and it made my anxiety go through the roof.
im in the same position as you, so I understand x

I have children but wouldn’t have any issues with you (or anyone else) posting anywhere. Might be odd if you were to post talking about giving birth if you never have (you may have, as you haven’t given specifics - I’m just thinking of an example), but the vast majority of discussions on here do not need or require you to have children if your own!

I’m sorry you don’t feel you belong. I do know what you mean, but I think there are a number of trolls who post purely to upset people. I try to ignore them!

If you decide to stay, I hope you avoid those arseholes! I have seen comments about the step parents boards - some swear by them, others say it’s a cesspit. So very hard to navigate I’m sure!

if you decide to go, I hope you find somewhere you feel you fit. Good luck!

If it’s any consolation, im feeling the same way

I take periodic breaks from here for the sake of my mental health- and im now wondering if somewhere I have to take a break from because it upsets me so much is somewhere it’s good for me to be.

@EmpressaurusKitty a favoured hiding ground of mine too. I do genuinely feel like im living in a cat dictatorship, hes so sassy for an older gentleman lol. I fear I am the one to blame I named him after a cat out of CATS (Gus... couldnt call him munkustrap) and hes inherited the grandeur of a theater cat (mog)

@Reachedout why should I limit what threads I want to read and partake in because some people cant control their mouths, or what their fingers type... this isn't having a thick skin issue its a some people being a dickhead issue
My point proven, thank you to people who actually saw the point of the post.

Because it's the internet and you cannot control everyone on the internet as that consists of millions of people all with differing viewpoints. There is not going to be any public message board in the world where you agree with everything that is posted so yes, it is actually about your "skin" rather than other people.

None of us can control or police how other people choose to behave but we can control our reaction to it. Thats the case with everything in life surely? You are going to become really stressed out literally all the time if you try to control other people rather than control your own reactions and behaviours

Lol. There is nothing that stays light hearted on MN😂
Everything is either crass, tone deaf, some kind of ism apparently 😂
I saw numerous people bump into holiday threads on holiday topic to say how crass and tone deaf it is to talk about spending on holidays when people suffer CoL.
Just one example of many. Some seriously hilarious

@Reachedout im just unclear, what my decision has to you?
I said i think im done, but what impact does that have to you? Other than you not liking my original post and how i answered.

@Reachedout I havent said my mental health is impacted, I have said I have enjoyed a number of years on a site. However due to ongoing internal arguments I dont feel its a place for me anymore, maybe others feel the same way. I gave reasons why I posted where I did etc... my mental health is totally fine, im not in an internal spiral...