Online spaces for childfree topics.

[ByeJim]

Question for childfree people.

This post is on the childfree board.

Childfree people are once again getting the blame for child hate on MN, does anyone have anywhere online to discuss childfree topics/things that affects childfree people that's a bit more welcoming rather than upset at our presence and assuming we all hate children, want to see them hurt and pretend we have children to create threads/posts to discuss children being abused/hurt and posting things to upset mothers?

Where are CF people getting the blame?

In short, @ByeJim sadly no, that's why I post here.

I think the best approach is to challenge assumptions about childfree women when they are made, and keep challenging - otherwise nothing will change.

I see more anti-child sentiment from parents here than childfree people - some parents seem really keen to stress they only like their own children, they have no time for any other children, other children are annoying etc. - I think it's a bit of a 'cool girl' thing.

Childfree (by choice) women are often the opposite - they like or at least don't dislike children in general, but for whatever reason they don't want their own. That's how I feel. Of course children can be annoying in ways particular to children - high pitched screaming, uncontrolled behaviour in public, messy eating - but if they're not yours, you can always escape it.

Some childfree women probably do dislike children, full stop, but then they are making an entirely sensible decision not to have their own, and not, as far as I know, trying to impose that decision on others.

Umm maybe not a parenting forum ? Reddit ?

A forum that’s not primarily aimed at parents maybe?

Mumsnet discusses many more things than parenting. Hence a section for child free folk. I haven’t seen any bashing of non parents recently, but I know it happens and people get bashed on here for lots of reasons regardless of their child/ non child status. Some topic areas are much more supportive than others. Some areas are just a bun fight, it’s been that way for years! People can be extremely judgmental whether or not they have kids, I think they are probably unhappy and have been brought up in critical homes. But meh, at my age I have more pressing things to worry about than what some random person thinks of me, like when the fish hooks did I put my chicken I was meant to be getting in the oven, it’s not in the fridge or in the roasting pan….gawd I’m completely losing it😂.

Did you not notice this thread was posted in the 'Mumsnetters Without Children' topic?

Yes, and the OP is asking for somewhere other than Mumsnet

In site stuff. A thread about children being hurt is being discussed.

Yeah it seems like people with kids themselves who moan about others children being noisy. Or using devices or running round restaurants or screaming or whatever.

I never have any issues with kids as I don't hang around in places where there usually are many of them.

And if they annoyed me I'd know it was only temporary. I can easily make sure I'm not in the vicinity of any without much effort.

Not that I actively avoid them and I certainly don't dislike them. But I certainly don't envy those that do have kids.

Those last few posts in the Site Stuff thread (to summarise: the creation of the childfree board has encouraged an increase in anti-child comments across the site) echoes similar comments I’ve seen elsewhere on MN recently.

If there are posters going onto parenting threads and gloating about not having to deal with whatever, then of course that’s arseholish. But MN arseholes come in all flavours. Making out that there is something pathological about women without children generally that means their condition is unsafe / distasteful to talk about on this forum (which, yes, started life as a parenting forum and continues to have a big focus on parenting) is offensive and ignorant.

If posters are going to snidely suggest that people like me are primarily responsible for spreading hateful comments about children and that not hiding away our childless status has driven an uptick in hatred, I’d like to see some evidence.

A post I saw also suggested that childfree women are posting pretending to be mothers to spread anti child sentiment that way.

I've just read the whole thread and didn't see that.

BTW this thread is a TAAT.

I haven't been back to the thread so it may have been removed.

It's not a thread about a thread, it's a thread asking for advice and explaining why the advice is needed, but if MN feel differently then I'll abide by their decision to take it down and not post anything similar.

I did check the thread for the post, but I saw the last 2 posts there and it's obvious that childfree women are not welcome here despite us being midwives, teachers, lawyers, bakers, helping people etc so I'm going to delete my account. Thank you to those who gave advice, I will check out Reddit and see if it's any good.

I’m pretty sure no one was insinuating that all child free posters on MN are responsible for anti-child threads or supporting abuse against children on the site.

Just the possibility that having a child free board on a parenting site “may” attract other certain types. The same goes for other boards here.

Why come to Mumsnet to talk about being child free??
The whole of the Internet is your oyster, @ByeJim

I work with a woman who’s child free, and she never shuts up about it.

🙄 do catch up with how the site has evolved

I work with people who never shut up about their children/dog/garden/trains but that's people for you

This is the mumsnetters without children forum.

I see another thread where (assumed) childfree/childless people are getting the blame for suggesting violence against children. I didn't realise so many parents thought childfree people were okay with/wanted child abuse happening. I think I'll check out Reddit also because our presence here is obviously very upsetting to some.

We are certainly under attack on a thread in AIBU at the moment. I’ve been quite taken aback by some of the comments on there.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5516353-to-find-childfree-comments-on-parenting-forums-insensitive

I had never come across the idea that childfree people enjoy or welcome children being hurt until a thread a few years ago on here. I’m very used to the idea that the childfree are selfish, but I can see some (bitter, mean-spirited) logic to that if we leave aside the fact most people have children because they want to and not because they’re selflessly but joylessly devoting themselves to creating the next generation of taxpayers.

The child cruelty thing, though, is simply ignorant. The context it came up in related to a horrific case of child abuse - and despite the perpetrator being a parent who resisted attempts for the child to be moved away from them, one revolting poster was insisting the childfree mentality was to blame. I found the level of venom and vehemence upsetting, whilst also being infuriated at how illogical it was.

I find I don’t like to talk about why I don’t have children these days as I don’t want to deal with the judgement. It’s like it is a shameful secret.

There do seem to be more and more threads, or comments, like this. Reading a thread currently where some very unkind things are being said about people who do not have children. I wonder if the presence of this board has increased the dislike of those who don't have children amongst some Mumsnet users for some reason.

I think it might have, sadly.