To not want to always do kid-themed stuff

[harmfulsweeties]

I will start this by stating that I am childfree by choice.

I have a nephew who is turning 2 in a couple of weeks. He's a lovely kid-and I do love him and enjoy spending time with him. I've just back off holiday with him and it was fun.

However, I kind of want to draw a line in the sand and state that I don't want to go on holiday with them anymore. This isn't because I didn't enjoy or appreciate the holiday this year. I did, but I don't want to go to any more family-orientated hotels or do kid-themed stuff on the rare time that I get off work.

I prefer adult only holidays and doing stuff more geared towards adults than children. Children bore me, on the whole, and I am aware how unpopular that opinion is-but it's the truth.

I'm also becoming aware that my DB seems to be expecting that I'm going to be giving up my weekly shopping trips to the local town to attend classes with him and my nephew and honestly-I don't mind doing that every other weekend or one Saturday a month-something like that as a compromise-but every Saturday?

I can't imagine anything more mind numbingly boring. The issue is my DB is one of those people who thinks everyone's lives should now revolve around him and his child. I appreciate and respect that his life revolves around my DN-but I don't see why my life and free time should, too. As I say, I'm happy to compromise some of the Saturdays a month to attend these classes to keep the peace-but damn-every Saturday?

He's the type that will take full offence if you say no, too. He's also started to make noises about me getting a bed for my DN in my house and having him stay over- and I'm again-lost as to how to say no and not have the tantrum to rival all tantrums as a result.

Or be made to feel like a bad aunt/sister for not bowing down to every little thing in service of my DN. I just want to live my best childfree life-and do a bit of auntie duty here and there-I still want to be a presence in my DN's life-but I don't want all my free time to be revolving around him, either. You know?

It's a tricky situation to navigate as he's the type that doesn't really understand why I don't want kids-and seems to think such a decision is "selfish." Has anyone else found this type of situation and how to navigate it? I know I should just be upfront and honest with him and state my boundaries-and it's probably me making a problem out of nothing-but it's the kind of thing that I feel I need to get ahead of before it becomes an issue.

I'm also becoming aware that my DB seems to be expecting that I'm going to be giving up my weekly shopping trips to the local town to attend classes with him and my nephew

Why the actual FUCK would you go to a toddlers class?? Does the child have a mother who could go?

Let me guess, was your brother spoilt as a child?

One can’t help noticing that other than a vague reference the brother ‘making noises’ about her buying a bed for overnights, the OP is very unforthcoming about what her brother has actually said or done to give her the impression he expects her to spend every Saturday at toddler classes with him. Then she says it’s ’probably nothing’ but it’s something I feel I should get ahead of’.

What exactly is it that your brother has said or done to give you the impression he expects you to spend Saturdays at classes with his child, OP? Why did you go on holiday with him? Doesn’t he have a wife or partner, or is it that he is separated/divorced and has the toddler for holidays and weekends? And for some reason can’t cope alone with his own two year old at classes?

I wonder about these things too and directly asked early in the thread whether the brother was recently widowed or had otherwise abruptly become a completely sole 27/364 parent.

If that's the case it's a very specific and unusual situation, but otherwise I honestly suspect that the OP is massively exaggerating or has got the wrong end of the stick.

Her brother might be a hopeless man-child but for this situation to be as the OP perceives the child's mother must either not be in the picture at all, or very annoyed about the OP overstepping (or her child's father trying to replace her with his sister 🧐🤢).

Whatever the case, the OP hasn't been back since plopping her first post in, so hasn't answered anyone's questions.

Where does his partner fit in to all this?

my siblings don’t have children. They have 0 involvement in DNs life. Always send a birthday & Christmas card. It doesn’t bother me though - they are living their best lives and good for them.

Special awards, competitions, assembles for hobbies yes/maybe, weekly attendance - no!
Adult only holidays from now on you work really hard and deserve a break.
Why should you use space in your home for a permanent bed? So entitled!
Absolutely not.
You can be a good auntie and love the boy but none of these things are reasonable.
I wonder if you're parents are still with you/able as it's sounding like they are trying to shoehorn in future free babysitting and date nights and have more of a connection.
I stayed frequently at grandparents but never at an aunties, although we did take my cousin for a while but as an emergency...
Boundaries now, as hard as they might be and if they think you're selfish if kinda brand myself as that and be like as you know I selfishly don't want kids, bro, that includes your kids!

I agree with you, lovely to speed time together, but expecting your time every Saturday, is just too much.
You work all week, Saturday is your day to get your stuff done.

Does your nephew have a mum?, just wondering because where is she on Saturday's?, does she have any siblings who would give up their Saturday's and holidays for him?.
And as for your brother calling you selfish, he's the selfish one, probably wants you there to look after the child.
Have your excuses made, say you've booked trips/cinema etc with friends for next few weeks. Tell him you've a lot on and won't be available.
You sound very patient and kind, but put yourself first.