Childless men | Mumsnet

TiptopTommy · 11/09/2023 11:25

It’s not just you

pepsimax00 · 11/09/2023 11:38

Very horrible

NatMoz · 11/09/2023 11:40

This might not be on topic but...

I get frustrated when a woman considers a 'short man' a negative trait. I literally don't get it as height is one thing out of everyone's control.

Got to love a 6 foot 'hunk', he might be an abusive/lazy/waste of space but at least he's tall!🙄🙄🙄

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/09/2023 11:41

Both my current partner and my former partner are childfree. Both are tall, attractive and high earners. So you both wrong and possibly horrible.

Original poster

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 11:44

NatMoz · 11/09/2023 11:40

This might not be on topic but...

I get frustrated when a woman considers a 'short man' a negative trait. I literally don't get it as height is one thing out of everyone's control.

Got to love a 6 foot 'hunk', he might be an abusive/lazy/waste of space but at least he's tall!🙄🙄🙄

I couldn’t agree more.

OP posts:

ssd · 11/09/2023 11:44

Of course its horrible

NeedMyDress · 11/09/2023 11:54

It's just one person's opinion. In real life I don't know anyone who thinks like that!

NeonSoda · 11/09/2023 11:56

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 11:24

Just read this on another thread.

I know a few childless men, all short / low earner / not attractive.

Is it just me or is it horrible?

Yes I saw that and I was deeply unimpressed.

I know many men without children. Some are tall, some are short. Some are high earners, some are low earners. Some I find attractive, some I don't.

I am unsure what someones height or earnings have to do with not wanting/having children, but apparently that's where we are today.

mandymion · 11/09/2023 11:56

It honestly says more about the poster that said it and what a generally judgemental and not nice person they are (a really unattractive trait) than the men they refer to.

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 11:57

One of the nicest. kindest men I know has no children. He's attractive too and still has all his hair at 57 😆 He also has a good job and is very generous with his disposable cash - always first to the bar.

NeonSoda · 11/09/2023 11:58

NatMoz · 11/09/2023 11:40

This might not be on topic but...

I get frustrated when a woman considers a 'short man' a negative trait. I literally don't get it as height is one thing out of everyone's control.

Got to love a 6 foot 'hunk', he might be an abusive/lazy/waste of space but at least he's tall!🙄🙄🙄

I have, historically, mostly dated taller men. It seems to be a preference (but also a product of my environment - for instance for a long while I was a rower so that's where I met men).

But I wouldn't consider being a shorter man a 'negative' trait.

I do think it's worth just thinking about the fact that just because it's not your preference, it doesn't mean it's negative. Like I don't really like blonde men or women, but I wouldn't say being blonde is a negative trait.

Original poster

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 12:04

I do think it's worth just thinking about the fact that just because it's not your preference, it doesn't mean it's negative. Like I don't really like blonde men or women, but I wouldn't say being blonde is a negative trait.

I have been attracted to men of every hair colour in my time, including bald. It’s the overall package I look at. Not hung up on height either though I’m only 5ft 2 so most men are taller than me.

OP posts:

TibetanTerrah · 11/09/2023 12:06

I know an awful lot of waster men who should never have had children.

I actually respect some childless men, as often they haven't just 'gone along' with the idea of being a parent, nor do they whine about being 'trapped' by a pregnancy.

Original poster

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 12:27

I respect men who don’t feel the need to father a child in order to prove their manhood.

OP posts:

LoobyDop · 11/09/2023 13:14

TibetanTerrah · 11/09/2023 12:06

I know an awful lot of waster men who should never have had children.

I actually respect some childless men, as often they haven't just 'gone along' with the idea of being a parent, nor do they whine about being 'trapped' by a pregnancy.

You “actually” respect some childless men? As in, believe it or not, some of them are decent? Are we expected to be surprised by this revelation and impressed by your open-mindedness, on the Childfree board?

Deathbyfluffy · 11/09/2023 13:16

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 11:24

Just read this on another thread.

I know a few childless men, all short / low earner / not attractive.

Is it just me or is it horrible?

It's pretty horrible, but such is the attitude of many towards men on MN sadly.
Woe betide anyone who comments on a single mother / someone in their late 30s without kids, but men are fair game here (apparently...)

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 11/09/2023 13:23

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 12:27

I respect men who don’t feel the need to father a child in order to prove their manhood.

Ditto. Ex was an arsehole in a lot of ways, but he had zero interest in reproducing and was secure in that decision. And felt no need to defend or explain it to parents, either.

TibetanTerrah · 11/09/2023 13:24

LoobyDop · 11/09/2023 13:14

You “actually” respect some childless men? As in, believe it or not, some of them are decent? Are we expected to be surprised by this revelation and impressed by your open-mindedness, on the Childfree board?

Show quote history

WTF. I don't have children either. I wasn't exactly going to say I automatically respect men just because they're childless. NAMALT and all that.
Why are you taking offence at my comment? Some might be childless because they're players, have commitment issues, or coerce women they've got pregnant into having abortions.

But not always. So I said 'some'. Is that okay?

Sheesh.

LeaderBee · 11/09/2023 13:28

I suspect that it was my post that inspired this thread.

Yes I am short (5'3"), Yes i am not the highest earner (lets discount the fact that I own a car and my own home) the point on attractiveness, that is of course subjective.

However, I must say its nice to see quite a few of the replies here saying height isn't a problem because it's absolutely a barrier i've experienced.

As it turns out, not everyone's measure of success is financial and people may be motivated by other things, like enjoying their childfree life and free time to persue the things that make them happy?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 11/09/2023 13:38

Well, if I were dating height would be an issue because I'm five foot eight and I like tall men; but apart from the dating scenario I wouldn't. I'm not sure why the poster quoted needed to tar childfree men as short unattractive losers, though. It says more about them than the men being vilified.

Privatelyliving · 11/09/2023 13:42

KimberleyClark · 11/09/2023 12:04

I do think it's worth just thinking about the fact that just because it's not your preference, it doesn't mean it's negative. Like I don't really like blonde men or women, but I wouldn't say being blonde is a negative trait.

I have been attracted to men of every hair colour in my time, including bald. It’s the overall package I look at. Not hung up on height either though I’m only 5ft 2 so most men are taller than me.

Well there you have it. I don't need a "tall" man, DH was only 5'9 but I don't want one shorter than me at 5'7.

TibetanTerrah · 11/09/2023 13:46

LeaderBee · 11/09/2023 13:28

I suspect that it was my post that inspired this thread.

Yes I am short (5'3"), Yes i am not the highest earner (lets discount the fact that I own a car and my own home) the point on attractiveness, that is of course subjective.

However, I must say its nice to see quite a few of the replies here saying height isn't a problem because it's absolutely a barrier i've experienced.

As it turns out, not everyone's measure of success is financial and people may be motivated by other things, like enjoying their childfree life and free time to persue the things that make them happy?

I've dated men ranging from 5ft5 to 6ft5 (I'm 5ft7). The only time it's been an issue is when the men themselves have had an issue with it, which I or they can't do anything about.

Every single male friend I have has some physical 'flaw' they perceive to be the 'reason' they don't do well on the dating scene. It's just a fact that men swipe 5x more often than women, so women have 5x the options (sort of).

I think the majority of women would rather find someone they clicked with, rather than someone they didn't but ticked every box for physical preference.

Redlarge · 11/09/2023 13:48

Its a massive massive generalisation and not true. One of my nicest male friends was a real late bloomer. Never married until 46 and had kids a few years later. He is very well off, tall and everyone loves him.
I dont think short dictates fertility or lack of. I might be wrong though.

MintJulia · 11/09/2023 14:09

It's a silly generalisation that no sensible person would take any notice of.

However I am 5'8" tall and to date (there's always the future) I haven't found men who are shorter than me, sexually desirable.

We don't choose who we fancy. It's more a biological instinct. I also get creeped out by men with cold clammy hands, but I'd never suggest that men with clammy hands are losers.

Everyone is entitled to personal preference.

musixa · 11/09/2023 17:27

My husband fits that description, funnily enough (he is 5'8 and not conventionally physically attractive but he is 'my type' which is not conventional!)

However, he is also kind, intelligent and, unlike me, outgoing and motivated - which I very much value because I am an introvert and need cajoling to do interesting things. We have a huge overlap in interests and he does the lion's share of the housework and cooking.

People who judge men on their height and wage are twats, frankly. I'd rather earn my own money than be financially dependent on a high-earner and it pisses me off particularly when women leech off their husband's status.

As for conventional good looks - they'll all be old and saggy in the end. If you've chosen your man on the basis of him being a 'hunk' then at some point you're in for a disappointment.