Childfree Men and dating opportunities?

LeaderBee · 2023-09-07T13:46:20+00:00

So there's no ambiguity in responses; I am a single, childfree man posting from the UK. To the childfree men, mainly; How easy are you finding it to find a childfree partner? The vast majority of women out there want children, so we have a very limited dating pool, or, so it seems to me. I guess i'm just feeling a bit lost in trying to find someone who shares the same values as me right now and it's just feeling impossible.

NeonSoda · 07/09/2023 14:47

I'm a woman without children and I find it very, very, very difficult to meet men who do not have or want children.

WtfHormones · 07/09/2023 14:48

Why would you ask that on here?

Original poster

LeaderBee · 07/09/2023 14:50

Why not? I'm finding it difficult to find a childfree partner and I thought that people in this board, specifically, might have had similar experiences dating?

OP posts:

Whiteshine · 07/09/2023 15:12

I'm a childfree woman and was very lucky to meet my husband in my early 20s but he was older than me and hadn't had any luck finding a woman who didn't have or want children so he had been single until we met.

Are you using dating apps? If you do make sure you're on them all to up your chances! There are also dating websites for childfree people but I've never used them so I'm not sure if they're any good.

Also personal question, feel free not to answer, but have you had a vasectomy? A group I am in which is mainly childfree women were discussing relationships and the single childfree women said they prefer to date childfree men who have had a vasectomy over those who don't as they have been in situations before where men have said they're childfree and then 3\6 months into the relationship they admit they're not childfree\start talking about 'when' they have children and also no chance of any accidents happening. So if you have maybe mention that somewhere in your dating profile in a casual way.

Original poster

LeaderBee · 07/09/2023 15:23

Whiteshine · 07/09/2023 15:12

I'm a childfree woman and was very lucky to meet my husband in my early 20s but he was older than me and hadn't had any luck finding a woman who didn't have or want children so he had been single until we met.

Are you using dating apps? If you do make sure you're on them all to up your chances! There are also dating websites for childfree people but I've never used them so I'm not sure if they're any good.

Also personal question, feel free not to answer, but have you had a vasectomy? A group I am in which is mainly childfree women were discussing relationships and the single childfree women said they prefer to date childfree men who have had a vasectomy over those who don't as they have been in situations before where men have said they're childfree and then 3\6 months into the relationship they admit they're not childfree\start talking about 'when' they have children and also no chance of any accidents happening. So if you have maybe mention that somewhere in your dating profile in a casual way.

I think i've exhausted all the possibilities on the dating apps for now, you begin to start seeing the same people over and over again so when someone new pops up that fits my criteria I get a little excited and then never hear back, lol.

Unfortunately it's my own massive stupid fault for messing things up with my ex, we were ideal for each other and i did some really stupid things - looking back with hindsight I know what was wrong and I could have fixed myself, but in the moment, I didn't have the power of a few years reflection to do so...Oh well, i made my bed and now I have to sleep in it.

I don't currently have a vasectomy no, but it's absolutely something that I would be interested in when i enter my next serious relationship.

I 100% guarantee that I am never , ever, ever going to change my mind on children but also, like you say, you've heard that from plenty of men before...I just couldn't deal with the responsibility, financial crippling, early morning school runs, them breaking my shit, having to look after them when they're ill, the basic life leeching hell they must be.

Oh man, no, not for me, no thanks.,

OP posts:

NeonSoda · 07/09/2023 15:34

@LeaderBee not even joking here but it was a massive green flag when a man I went on a date with recently said 'I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy.'

tescocreditcard · 07/09/2023 15:38

Try local bars and pubs. Many women who frequent those obviously won't have small children.

NeonSoda · 07/09/2023 15:41

tescocreditcard · 07/09/2023 15:38

Try local bars and pubs. Many women who frequent those obviously won't have small children.

Lol of course they do. When I go out I'm one of the few childless women in our group of friends.

Original poster

LeaderBee · 07/09/2023 15:45

NeonSoda · 07/09/2023 15:41

Lol of course they do. When I go out I'm one of the few childless women in our group of friends.

Show quote history

I know right? I'm 37 and it's to be expected more women my age will have them but i've seen plenty of people in their early 20's with one or more.

OP posts:

littlewren34 · 07/09/2023 16:20

I am childfree, met my now DH in my teens and we just never really talked about kids or had them in our plans. When I got to my early thirties we did speak about it and I said I'd consider a child if he really wanted one but that I would be ok not have have children. He said he was fine without kids too. He likes kids, loves being a uncle but he wasn't really motivated to have his own so we decided together to be childfree. I realise that was lucky for both of us as it could so easily have broken us up if one of us had felt differently.

I have a good friend in his mid 40's who broke up with his 10 years younger girlfriend a year or so ago over the kids issue. When they got together she was early 20's and didn't want them he was early 30's and didn't want them. When she got to 32 she changed her mind and wanted a child, he didn't it couldn't be resolved so they split. He is now starting to date again and finding it pretty hard as most women seem to want or have kids so he feels like he needs to date much younger or older but then it feels like it is always a short term thing. No easy answers I think.

CurlewKate · 07/09/2023 16:22

Surely dating apps are your friend?

SoRainbowRhythms · 07/09/2023 16:28

If there's not a dating app just for childfree and childless people then that's a gap in the market!

One of the reasons I married DH is because he also chose not to have children.

Original poster

LeaderBee · 07/09/2023 16:32

SoRainbowRhythms · 07/09/2023 16:28

If there's not a dating app just for childfree and childless people then that's a gap in the market!

One of the reasons I married DH is because he also chose not to have children.

There was until recently, it was called kindred, it closed down due to not being a viable business.

OP posts:

Possimpible · 07/09/2023 16:34

This is a forum of mainly women, so it does seem a bit unusual to address your question to CF men, there won't be many. I am a CF woman - I met my DH at 27. I didn't specifically set out to meet someone who didn't want children (although at that age I wouldn't have dated someone with kids - I might have a different view on that if I was single now), you just have to date a lot and see who you meet. Like anyone who is looking for a partner.

I suspect this might be your main issue - when someone new pops up that fits my criteria I get a little excited and then never hear back, lol. Calm down, go on dates, don't put too much pressure on it, and don't ask about kids straight away. If I'd gone on an early date and felt the guy was overly intense about not having kids it would have put me off, at that stage. Although apparently there are young women who only date men with vasectomies as above - am I right in saying they're called vasectoyummies?

musixa · 07/09/2023 19:02

If it helps, when I was single, I only considered childfree men who didn't want children - happily married now. We are out there, OP.

sinesperanza · 07/09/2023 19:08

Well I'm a CF woman the same age and haven't yet found a man who f doesn't want or doesn't already have kids, so it works both ways

HB1974 · 07/09/2023 19:52

I've been with my OH for 10+ years, but when I was dating I only ever considered childfree men. I definitely did not want to be s stepmother.

We are out there!!

BarelyLiterate · 07/09/2023 20:35

I sympathise, OP. I’m child free by choice and I met my DP at university. Not wanting to be parents is one of the big things we agreed about and, seeing as this issue was always going to be a deal-breaker for me, I know I was lucky and I realised I had to make significant compromises in other areas. As did he, obviously. We may be partners & best friends, but we are also very different people in many ways and a bit of an ‘odd couple’.

You are looking for an unusual woman, so perhaps the only sensible thing I can suggest is to get involved in activities that might attract unusual women. Triathlon? Cycling? Chess? Golf?

Superlambaanana · 07/09/2023 21:54

Come back to me in a about a year @LeaderBee 😂 I can’t have children and never wanted them. Certainly couldn’t be with someone who had children. Unless they were already reared. But I have just come out of a pretty painful long term relationship so am not in the market for another romantic relationship at the moment!

Original poster

LeaderBee · 08/09/2023 10:06

Superlambaanana · 07/09/2023 21:54

Come back to me in a about a year @LeaderBee 😂 I can’t have children and never wanted them. Certainly couldn’t be with someone who had children. Unless they were already reared. But I have just come out of a pretty painful long term relationship so am not in the market for another romantic relationship at the moment!

I'll be waiting 😚lol

OP posts:

LoobyDop · 08/09/2023 11:22

How the hell do you casually mention that you’ve had a vasectomy?! 😂 clearly I’d be too old for dating apps if I found myself single again.

Whiteshine · 08/09/2023 14:18

LoobyDop · 08/09/2023 11:22

How the hell do you casually mention that you’ve had a vasectomy?! 😂 clearly I’d be too old for dating apps if I found myself single again.

Just say 'childfree (snipped) and looking for someone likeminded'.

fetchacloth · 08/09/2023 14:35

I'm a child free woman (not by choice) and I've found that men avoid me as if I'm an alien species 😔.
Now I'm no longer child bearing age I still get questions about grandchildren 🙄.
Are children all that men think about?

fetchacloth · 08/09/2023 14:36

LoobyDop · 08/09/2023 11:22

How the hell do you casually mention that you’ve had a vasectomy?! 😂 clearly I’d be too old for dating apps if I found myself single again.

OMG I couldn't do dating apps 😭

mewkins · 08/09/2023 14:39

I'm neither child free nor on a dating app but I have used them and there were a fair few men on there who were child free and made it very clear. Can I ask what age criteria you are setting? You mention women in their 20s so assuming you're going for mid 20s as the lowest age? I think the problem (as others have pointed out) is that it is quite hard to know for many in their 20s whether they will want children in future. I was ambivalent until in my 30s I suddenly really wanted children.

I guess I'm saying that I'd suspect you'd have more luck perhaps nudging the age criteria up.