Ok I'm going to bite - curious.

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/07/2023 19:21

I'm not concerned. Once I find my standard of life is slipping down in terms of quality and enjoyment I will take the steps needed*. No children or grandchildren to worry about grieving for me.

*These standards may vary - humans are very adaptive!

keyboardkat · 03/07/2023 19:29

The nearest nursing home! That is if I am incapable of making decisions for myself, otherwise it is a move to a serviced apartment/assisted living type place.

I have LPA and DNR in place, my will made, and my wishes are known to my attorneys who are family and I trust them implicitly.

Not much more I can do, but I will not inflict myself on anyone to "mind" me, nor would I want to after so many years living alone doing ma thing as and when I want!

Original poster

hattie43 · 03/07/2023 19:38

I'm hoping that ' commune ' living becomes more a thing where a group of friends can have a private flatlet each with a caretaker / carer on site . My biggest fear is becoming unwell in the night for example and no one to call for help .

OP posts:

keyboardkat · 03/07/2023 19:53

hattie43 · 03/07/2023 19:38

I'm hoping that ' commune ' living becomes more a thing where a group of friends can have a private flatlet each with a caretaker / carer on site . My biggest fear is becoming unwell in the night for example and no one to call for help .

Neighbour, friend, family member, local priest/minister, hospital, 999, neck alarm? Lots of people live alone, and there are many ways to get help in an emergency.

I have balance issues as a result of illness, and carry my mobile with me in a pouch that goes under my arm like a cross body bag when I feel I might need it. It's flat and tiny and I use it when up the back of the garden or going to the loo at night, that type of thing.

But it is a concern for those of us who live alone. However I don't dwell on it too much personally. There is only so much you can do before you end up terrified of getting out of bed!

Changingplace · 03/07/2023 19:59

It’s honestly not something I concern myself about, I guess I’d aim for a sheltered living accomodation, by the time I’m that age I’ll have a house to sell towards it so it’s not something I’m worried about at all.

BadNomad · 03/07/2023 23:51

I will move into a supported living type of place. My solicitor will handle financial affairs.

I've worked in healthcare for decades. Plenty of patients don't have families. Plenty of patients have families who do no care for them. Plenty have families who only come home from abroad when death is imminent. It's very naive to think having a family guarantees anything when you are old. Children grow up and focus on their own lives. The patients in the best position are the ones who plan their old age as if they will be on their own.

MissTrip82 · 04/07/2023 00:29

Agree with BadNomad.

Nobody who has worked in health thinks children mean you’re looked after…….there’s a surprising number of people with multiple children who are estranged from them
all in old age.

definednot · 04/07/2023 00:42

"Yet we have loads of people with children answering ? Whether they care or not to varying degrees is not the same as someone totally alone for whom there is no younger generation to step up . Old age could bring fears about who will manage their affairs aswell as caring duties . I'm much more interested in the childfree and what their thoughts , fears and concerns are ."

On Mumsnet the majority of us have children, or plan to. I think this section must be new as it's not a topic with any relevance for me so not yet in my hidden topics (I will add it now).

definednot · 04/07/2023 00:47

One child free Mumsnetter I know, with autism and other issues, plans for her sister and offspring to take care for her in old age, as they do to an extent already. They struggle alone.

Earlydancing · 04/07/2023 01:03

I was never really worried about this until I had to steer my mum with dementia through the nhs and care system. I say care system but that's a misnomer if ever there was one. I will do regular visits round the homes and have already chosen the ones where id go with or without dementia. It's just a matter of keep checking that their standards remain high.
I do think and worry about it quite a lot.

Cakesandbabes · 04/07/2023 09:17

Liquidate assets, enjoy, Switzerland are my plans for old age.

I am not going to have kids just in attempt to provide myself carers.... I really hate that "who will take care of you" argument because 1- I simply don't believe that is any part of decision when people plan having kids and 2-it just sounds wrong to me. Breed own carers. Shrug

silentpool · 04/07/2023 09:34

Switzerland when I stop enjoying life.

something2say · 04/07/2023 09:35

I am child free and 48. Aging is coming across my radar now.

Firstly, I intend to respond to the changes I see happening and treat my body with greater care.

Secondly, I am all set financially and intend to get better there too.

Thirdly, I don't fancy treatment for serious issues. If I got a serious illness, I might choose to check out rather than have nasty treatment that may not work.

Finally, based on three above, I make bloody sure I live the life I want to before it's too late. I do not regret my choices, I have been brave and made decisions (I chose to work in the third sector, giving up a higher salary and then struggling and working extra shifts, BUT with a big tick in the career box that silenced all my questions) - live a life that excites you and satisfies you, and in my case, I accept that it doesn't last forever and decisions then need to be made.

I'm not ready yet tho, haha!

musixa · 04/07/2023 09:45

I can see why people with children would be interested in the views of the childfree, as we are likely to have given this more thought than parents who might have expected their children would look after them but later realised that, for whatever reason, that wasn't going to be an option.

Of course, having children who are, e.g. geographically distant or not very interested is not the same as having no one at all, but there is still common ground.

What we don't want is parents coming on to say pointlessly that their amazing DC are moving them into a 'granny annexe' or the house next door etc. but I don't think anyone has done that yet!

hedgehoglurker · 04/07/2023 10:09

The Childfree board still comes up in Active. People don't always notice which board it is, so anyone might respond. I was curious about why a recent baking post was in Childfree - again spotted in Active.

Whichwhatnow · 04/07/2023 10:14

I have a second house which I rent out (accidental landlord but it's working out very well for both me and the tenants so no plans to sell) which i could use for care home fees if needs be.

I also agree with other posters that having a family is no guarantee of care in your old age - my DH is a 'meals on wheels' delivery driver for elderly people in the community and obviously chats to them when he's dishing up their food. Most have kids/grandkids, most very rarely see them and receive their care from carers visiting their homes or in council care homes (plus food via meals on wheels). I think these days when people are far more likely to relocate for work etc both within the UK and overseas that receiving full-on care from family is far less common than when eg several generations would all often be living in one village/area.

In reality I also have a life limiting illness which means care home fees are unlikely to be an issue for me! But that obviously doesn't apply for most 😅

Kattykatty · 04/07/2023 10:24

I'm childfree and this has been on my mind too. Having seen my parents' and PIL's experiences with their parents, I think it's not so much the physical caring which is the main source of support, it's the administrative aspects - sorting out care packages, arranging care homes, chasing up the GP etc.

There's no way my grandparents and my husband's grandparents would have had the ability to do any of those things - mostly due to dementia, lack of knowledge and technical skills and anxiety issues.

This is the bit which worries me. Just have to try and keep up tech wise and make plans to downsize/move to a retirement village etc earlier in life I guess.

Hillrunning · 04/07/2023 10:31

My thoughts are that I have no fears or concerns about this.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 04/07/2023 10:36

Current plan is to go into retirement village/sheltered housing before I struggle too much and hopefully will have paid for our house by then so can fund it. DH and I lost our DFs in their sixties, so have spent a lot of time thinking about how we would each manage on our own.

Cakesandbabes · 04/07/2023 10:44

hedgehoglurker · 04/07/2023 10:09

The Childfree board still comes up in Active. People don't always notice which board it is, so anyone might respond. I was curious about why a recent baking post was in Childfree - again spotted in Active.

Has anyone asked on site stuff for it to not be shown? I am happy to if not.

Catsmere · 04/07/2023 10:56

I'm already in a retirement village with my mother (I'm her carer). So there's a community around me who are concerned with these matters (and the company running the village itself has a community care/advice and assistance group). If I get to the point of needing care, it'll be a nursing home for me.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/07/2023 13:03

BadNomad · 03/07/2023 23:51

I will move into a supported living type of place. My solicitor will handle financial affairs.

I've worked in healthcare for decades. Plenty of patients don't have families. Plenty of patients have families who do no care for them. Plenty have families who only come home from abroad when death is imminent. It's very naive to think having a family guarantees anything when you are old. Children grow up and focus on their own lives. The patients in the best position are the ones who plan their old age as if they will be on their own.

Another HCP and strongly agree with this.

I also think there is too much focus on the negatives of old age. Of course, we all lose strength and vitality as we age and, for some of us, we develop horrible illnesses like dementia. But I also have many older patients, including some in extreme old age, who have a good quality of life, and who tell me that they are happy. Their lives might seem boring or constrained to someone younger, but your needs and wants change as you age. Not everyone living in a care home is miserable.

Many of us will hopefully have OK old ages, whether we have children or not.

Catsmere · 04/07/2023 13:13

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 04/07/2023 13:03

Another HCP and strongly agree with this.

I also think there is too much focus on the negatives of old age. Of course, we all lose strength and vitality as we age and, for some of us, we develop horrible illnesses like dementia. But I also have many older patients, including some in extreme old age, who have a good quality of life, and who tell me that they are happy. Their lives might seem boring or constrained to someone younger, but your needs and wants change as you age. Not everyone living in a care home is miserable.

Many of us will hopefully have OK old ages, whether we have children or not.

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A woman recently joined my knitting group so she can chat while she knits.

She's 97. Only stopped driving a few years ago.

JorisBonson · 04/07/2023 13:16

I'll be throwing money at the problem.

bobblyjob · 04/07/2023 13:19

Cakesandbabes · 04/07/2023 10:44

Has anyone asked on site stuff for it to not be shown? I am happy to if not.

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Why do you not want it in active? You can hide it if you don’t want to see