high need baby and childcare

[cantthinkofagoodname]

Hi - I am the mother of a high need 15week old girl. I am due to go back to work when DD is 11 months and I am really panicking. We were thinking of nursery but she is so demanding I don't think they will be able to accomodate (she only naps in a sling during the day and hates being put down for more than 10minutes). I just can't see her fitting into their routines. I am looking for a childminder who is flexible enough to meet my baby's needs without just leaving her to scream or telling her off for being 'difficult'. Can anyone recommend or advise on finding somebody comfortable with baby-led weaning and looking after a high need child in Nottingham?
Thanks

cantthinkofagoodname, if you really think it is reflux then either make an appointment for this afternoons surgery or take her to accident and emergency - not something I would always recommend but usually gets you listened to in extreme circumstances.

If your baby does have reflux and sounds like from what you say could be quite bad reflux then she needs an overnight stay really on a childrens ward where a full assessment can take place and usually one of the nurses would feed her and assess that.

Gaviscon is ok for mild reflux but for anything more than mild baby needs domperidone and ranitidine and this should be prescribed by a paediatrician - GP can prescribe it on their say so.

I have known babies be very pale, underweight, very grouchy and hard to settle unless held tilted/upright to ease the burning sensation.

One tip is to slightly tilt her when she sleeps this is best down by folding a towel in half under the mattress head end so its on a slight tilt.

Good luck but you may have to stand your ground and be insistent something is done and dont worry about being seen as a mad neurotic mother - sometimes have to scream and shout to get things done.

You have my sympathy as DD was very very hard work as a baby - had I not been a nanny for 10 years before her I may have gone totally bonkers. DD had awful reflux and screamed and also now has a number of allergies

Where abouts are you? (rough area only) I only say this as I have a space for September 2011 as my son starts full time school.

Hi booh I'm in Nottingham.

Hi I'm in Nottingham and I'm an experienced childminder and mum, what area in Nottingham are you if you don't me mind asking?

Hi, I'm close to the Derbyshire border.

I am in east midlands obv considering my profile name. Not available for regular childcare but if desperate for an odd night maybe able to help - I charge £15 an hr. Or week of 26th July could offer some daytime hrs if it means you get a bit of a break and perhaps I could then offer some advice on routine etc if required.

cantthinkofagoodname

drop me an email, I am a childcarer near Nottingham and may be able to help you out.
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oj have emailled you.

My sister's DS had really bad reflux, she was soaked right through after EVERY feed. It turned out her DS had a problem with the flap in the stomach that was supposed to keep everything in the stomach wasn't working properly and all the acid just kept going up. Took ages before her GP would listen to her and send him for tests - required an operation. Poor child was in so much pain because the acid had burnt the esophagus.

Too far away from me I am afraid I am in the south east

Good luck

Hi, I think I may be too far from you, I'm near the city hospital (about 5 -10 mins)?

henni email me: kikiglis at aol dot com.

E-mail on it's way.

Just wanted to say i can completely sympathise. My LO is 14 months now and has always been high needs, cried constantly as a newborn unless being rocked and is still hard work now (still doesnt sleep for more than 2-3 hours stretches and needs constant attention). Its hard to descibe but she is just so unlike other babies.

I found this book reassuring
The Fussy Baby Book : Parenting Your High-Need Child From Birth to Age Five.

I had the same dilemas about childcare. Was worried about nursery bacuse i felt she wouldnt fit into the routeins/ nap well and was scared a childminder wouldnt have the patients to cope with her and would leave her crying. In the end I decided to go back to work part time. Is this something you could consider? My DD goes to nursery in the mornings and i pick her up midday and she is with me in the afternoons. It took her a long time to settle in nursey but it seems to be working well. I think she enjoys the stimulation that nursery provides and she usually sleep 1 till half two so dont have to worry about nursery not being able to settle her for naps. I dont worry about her being left to cry because she doesnt cry anywhere near as much as she you used to at 15 weeks, she still as her moments (many more than most babies her age and can be clingy with staff) but at this age the nursery staff are able to distract her with something exciting to play with or just give her a few extra cuddles/ walk around with her for a bit.

I know that a childminder wouldnt been a good option for us, my DD hates being restrained in anyway (car seat, pram etc)which can make going out stressful if she is screaming the entire journey. Wouldnt want to put a childminder through that or risk the cm getting annoyed with her. Suppose you know your baby best, but i agree with the other posters a lot can change between 15 weeks and 11 months. Maybe it would be best to put your lo's name down at both a cm's and nursery and so you can see what would be best suited closer to the time.

Have a look at this forum too
community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a3856815/high_needsfussy_babies
You could ask for advice there from people who understand what having an high needs baby is like.

Just wanted to say that with regard to the reflux a family I know at church recently had a diagnosis of silent reflux for their DD who is now aged 5 months. She had a course of domperidone and now has a special formula mix on prescription which is imported from America, and is thicker and less able to be regurgitated. They have her mattress propped and she is propped with cushions on the floor so that she that she is able to keep her milk down. She is really a different baby now and has a smile for everyone. There were no obvious symptoms that pointed to reflux at all, they had the same experience as you with the Gaviscon, and a health visitor told them that all babies cry and they should know that as they had an older child!

treacle99 - an experienced childminder can distract a crying child too!

Also, I don't use my car but if a baby in a pram was to scream all the way to a toddler group or whatever, then I think I would be able to cope - I wouldn't get annoyed - offer them a drink or snack or lie them back if they're tired. A baby has to be restrained for its own safety and mums would never get out otherwise.

cantthinkofagoodname - can you let us all know how your baby is getting on in say six months time?

I just wanted to add my experience as a former baby room supervisor. We had severval babies who were far more demanding than the rest and a couple who were extremely challenging but I want to reassure you that they were NEVER left to cry it out on their own or given any kind of lable.

The baby room was very small, which I think is very key, we only had 5 babies at any one time with 2 members of staff. This meant we were able to meet the individual needs of each baby, be it carrying them around, sitting with them, rocking and walking them around, anything to help them settle.

Any good childcare worker, be it nursery nurse, childminder or nanny would not let your baby just scream and scream. I always worked really closely with the parents and I was always honest about how things were progressing.

I hope your baby becomes easier for you as she grows, please consider what others ahve said about silent reflux, it must be worth investigating, if only to rule it out.

Try not to panic about childcare yet, you really do have plenty of time but if it helps you to calm your mind, maybe have arrange to have a look at the different childcare options in your area.

Hope this helps a bit.

Hi, from your descriptions it really does sound like some kind of reflux.
My stepdaughter was a nightmare child, screaming and clingy in the day, awake at all hours of the night. She was also never happy lying flat and would frequently fall asleep on mum's chest but scream if she was moved.

Keep pushing it with your GP or ask for a second opinion. We had to fight for a referral to a paed and eventually got one at 9 months. She was diagnosed with silent reflux. She's now on medication and is the sweetest, loveliest, easy going 12 month old you've ever met!

Silent reflux can be really difficult to diagnose because they don't throw up or lose weight. We spotted it because her breath smelled of rotting food/bile and frequently her cot sheets would smell the same where she brought up tiny bits. She was also constantly wanting milk as it soothed her throat.

I presume that you are using the term 'high need' in the sense that Dr Sears uses it? My son was very similar, I wore him in a sling all day every day until he was 8 months old, he slept in the bed with us at night as he completely rejected the cot and he still does (he was 2 last week). I embraced 'attachment parenting' although that hadn't been my original plan! Now I can definitely put him down but he still loves to be carried - I use an ergo sling and carry him on my back. He is very demanding still and really seems to benefit from and thrive on one-to-one attention.
I also felt I couldn't consider a nursery for him - he is very sensitive to loud environments and now he is older is prone to pushing other children if he gets overloaded which happens quite quickly. I also feel a 3:1 ratio is not enough for a child under 2 particularly a child like my son. I felt most of the childminders I saw wouldn't meet his needs and was concerned he would be labelled as difficult. I felt he really needed to be carried and held so much, when he woke up at night and couldn't find me he screamed like he had been abandoned every time. He had a traumatic birth - who knows if that was the reason or if he's just like that anyway.
So, our solution: my husband gave up work for year so I could go back after maternity leave - this was the most expensive option we could have chosen for childcare as he earned nothing. Now he's thinking of going back, we have looked again at nurseries and childminders and still can't imagine him there - so we are going for a nanny. It is going to cost most of my salary but will still be slightly cheaper than my husband or me not working at all. We felt ultimately that anything else would not be ideal for him, and also that this is such a short and important time in his life that it's not worth economising on it. I think you should trust your instincts - some children are different and they do need more from their caregivers at certain times in their lives. My son is harder work that some twins I know! However, it is also true that your dd will be very different at 11 months than she is now - but she still may need more intensive caring and parenting than she will get in a nursery or with a childminder.

By the way, do contact me if you want to talk about how difficult it is having a high need baby! It does get easier but it's hard to realise that when you are in the middle of it. Things got much easier for us from 1 year upwards.