Differences between nannying & parenting

[Lizita]

I'm not sure if I'm putting this in the right section, but here goes...

No real reason for asking this, just been wondering about it. Me & my dd sometimes hang out with my nanny friend & her friends and the children they look after, and it seems to me that the other children are so much more confident and independent than my dd. I do know that as well as a personality difference it'll partly be because a) they're a bit older than dd and b) they have come into a lot more contact with other children. But have also been wondering, do you think children with nannies or childminders are encouraged more to be independent? Or if being separated for that long from their parents helps this? My nanny friend is very keen on fostering independence and confidence in the children she looks after, and that's great - sometimes I feel inadequate next to her!

But then, and I don't really know how to put this without possibly offending a nanny or childminder, my relationship with my dd feels a lot more closer and bonded.
Is it that as parents we are so afraid of indavertently rejecting our child if we encouraged independence? Or is it that nannies & childminders don't feel...well, that inexplicable feeling that you have as a parent! (My nanny friend says she can't imagine loving a child more than she loves the children she looks after! I beg to differ. )

Would be interested to read what you all think, particularly nannies/childminders who then became parents! I do know that my nanny friend has a few nanny friends who became parents and she says: "They were really good nannies, very organised, on time, but as soon as they became mothers it all went to pieces, they were always late and disorganised!" One nanny i knew who was pg said to me "I think it'll be easy - I already know how to do everything." oooh how wrong she was!!

ooh, class war! just like the 80's all over again...
come the revolution, though, they will all be first against the wall. Won't they?

Giggling lots over the class war..

People make their choices in life and live the way they want to. If you want to spend all your time with your children then you will do.. although you might decide this isn't in their best interests if it means you can't afford to eat anymore..
Nope, I can not find it in my heart to feel sorry for wealthy people. For gods sake, if you're so miserable why not give all the money to charity then you wouldn't have to organise dinners for them. Then you can live in a two bed terrace like the rest of us and spend happy afternoons in the local park.

pmsl Roxwood.

And Caucasian Chalk Circle springs to mind...

(It's all this talk of class war )

Oh come on it's difficult have all that money... Yeah right, like I would know.

Can we talk about overpaid nannies now?

uwila, you're a stirrer!

Hmmmm, attending charity functions or working full time in Tescos...??

Gosh ladies, I am sure that those check out jobs are far preferable.... I mean have you ever tried to organise a staff of 25??? Raaallly... it is so hard.

Puh-lease...

Tip to mummies 'higher up the tree' - hire an events organiser!

Hi All & Tansie
Thank you I have had a lovely giggle today. I had no intendtions whatsoever to get up peoples noses...obviously my wrong choice of words... not intended as taken. My whole point is ALL mummies & Daddies that I have worked for have ALL spent as much time with their children, love their children regardless of what income bracket they are in.

Also to answer a question addressed to me...no it was not expected for me to wear a uniform, I alway's insisted & always liked to me addressed as Nanny !!! from all within family/vistors etc (& yes I always charged my uniforms & dry cleaning to the family... usually had 3 approx $900 each. Great in the sandbox & all prepared if requested to take children to tea with parents)

Again as I say all my families have been fabulous as I am sure you all are.

UKMickey - I am sure you meant no offence and of course these families love their kids but I do think they probably have an easier time of it - financially at least!

I was just taking the p*!

However I must ask, they actually call you nanny?

As in, 'nanny, can we go play?' or 'nanny, remember to take Master X to the dentists today.'

psml at the thought of the young master's appointments!

moondog - I knew someone who used to write a column and always called her son the 'young master' - found it hysterical!

Hi weesadie
Actually the reason I preferred to be called nanny (& my 1st name), if I was ever to anwer the telephone people would know to whom they are addressing, If I introduced myself as Nanny name or Nanny (& family name) if we were visiting. Again people would know where I employed in the family.
I'm also a tad old fashioned I don't like children addressing adults by their 1st name. Also to me the name Nanny is very endearing to me.. to be in an honourable position to look after, care & cherish the children in my charge.. the responsibility & trust the parents have in their nannies.. words can't be expressed.

I thoughly loved my job when I was a nanny.....lots of very very happy memories & a great honour to be part of my charges lives.

Blimey were those uniforms Kenzo UKMICKEY? They want to be for that price!

That is fair enough if it is what you feel comfortable with... so I would be Nanny weesaidie then?!

I have to say I am not nearly so old fashioned and all my nannies (yes we had some!) were just called by their first name and anyone we knew knew who they were anyway, as we spent so much time with them and were a big part of our lives.

However the people you nanny for seem a lot more formal and rich than we were. My mum was working as a health visitor and she hired the nannies after having my twin brother and sister so she could go back to work. No charity functions for her daaaaling

WMF - sounds like they can afford it!

wheresmyfroggy
I know I shouldn't have put that either... after I posted it I thought nutcase derrrrrr

Actually when purchased 20+yrs ago, very good quality & fortunately lasted for sometime from memory two families just different motiffs. From memory Saks (I know ha ha)

Oooh Saks! Lovely. Don't think my whole wardrobe is worth that much!

PS My dd has a Kenzo outfit that cost more than what I usually wear! However her oh too generous granny bought that...

UKMickey - you must work for some awful posh peeps - I am only an ordinary Joe Soap with a nanny of sorts

ssd, I was only joking. I have nothing more to contribut this thread because the nanny job I offer has little in common with working for the Bellamy Household. But, I was just wondering, Nanny UKMickey, do you sleep upstairs or downstairs? Seriously, do they treat you like a member of the family or like the hired help.

Hi Uwila
Regarding all the families I have worked for I have Always felt very much part of the family... it is myself who does not wish to step over the line nor have my mummies or daddies to. Of course I always been there 200+++% for my charges. Never felt up or down (if there ever was I was not aware of it)of course different for the other staff but they would need to answer to the butler (no difference as in an office/hospital etc)...they deal with their own staff.

Really in all my positions I was nanny to Mummy, Daddy & my charges... as I always said once I'm able to get the older charges trained the younger ones are a doddle (affectionately speaking)

To a point to help to organise families lives... mummy returns from somewhere... a little bemused as you were not expecting her... what is it nanny oh I thought you were going for lunch with daddy! then you organise mummy etc phone daddy to say mummy is running late etc etc...... Ahhhhhh all my families were adorable I'm giggling to myself very fond memories all them all......my darlings XXX

just out of interest - did you call your employers "Mummy" and "Daddy" or by the first names or Mr and Mrs X?

Hi mrswobble

Myself I always chose to call my employers Mr or Mrs or by their title & surname. I would only address Mummy, Daddy as ditto if the children were present otherwise again for answers to our requests/questions when asking on behalf of the children or running through the day etc (age appropriate).
From the households you were the nanny to the whole household, doormen etc all whilst on duty or off if you happen to bump in to them. If you are a wonderful nanny etc you are loved by all no hiher or lower level to the parents.... often without the nanny a household in my families anyway would not run as smoothly as it did. Other friends who are still working for simular families feel exactly the same.
I remember when having my leave...odd phone call from Mummy I can't find this or that & very sorry to bother you nanny (very loving & embarrashed to disturb me)Well are you in the dressing room.. open this & that & wala.....thank you nanny.
Honestly my families are no different to other good nanny employers... full respect works both ways.A happy household, happy children, happy Mummy & Daddy what more can one ask for.

Litiza
Your nanny friend says "she can't imagine loving a child more than she loves the children she looks after" Quite she doesn't know... poss not implying she won't she just not currently in this position yet! her own.. hormones etc

"my dd feels a lot more closer and bonded" quite rightly so & this should Only be the case whether the child is born or adopted in to that family.... you are un replaceable.

The right nanny should always have a good relationship, the works etc with their charges but also the right nanny should never cross the line...from day one always bring Mummmies & Daddies in to the conversation whether they are present or not (poss out or @ work)just because nannies may be there & parents not, the whole family should work as a team again present or not... even if my charge was a baby we would always have a conversation well young name have you told mummy what we have been doing to day etc....sorry woffling on here..getting back to the point. Children should always have a More special relationship with their parents & if a childcarer or nanny disagrees or gets in the way...I believe this is an unhealthy relationship & they are not the person for your family.