Differences between nannying & parenting

[Lizita]

I'm not sure if I'm putting this in the right section, but here goes...

No real reason for asking this, just been wondering about it. Me & my dd sometimes hang out with my nanny friend & her friends and the children they look after, and it seems to me that the other children are so much more confident and independent than my dd. I do know that as well as a personality difference it'll partly be because a) they're a bit older than dd and b) they have come into a lot more contact with other children. But have also been wondering, do you think children with nannies or childminders are encouraged more to be independent? Or if being separated for that long from their parents helps this? My nanny friend is very keen on fostering independence and confidence in the children she looks after, and that's great - sometimes I feel inadequate next to her!

But then, and I don't really know how to put this without possibly offending a nanny or childminder, my relationship with my dd feels a lot more closer and bonded.
Is it that as parents we are so afraid of indavertently rejecting our child if we encouraged independence? Or is it that nannies & childminders don't feel...well, that inexplicable feeling that you have as a parent! (My nanny friend says she can't imagine loving a child more than she loves the children she looks after! I beg to differ. )

Would be interested to read what you all think, particularly nannies/childminders who then became parents! I do know that my nanny friend has a few nanny friends who became parents and she says: "They were really good nannies, very organised, on time, but as soon as they became mothers it all went to pieces, they were always late and disorganised!" One nanny i knew who was pg said to me "I think it'll be easy - I already know how to do everything." oooh how wrong she was!!

pap was basically flour and water I think. Just something to fill baby's tummy basically to stop her crying. Grim, huh?
don't want to kick off a Gina Ford discussion here (much ) but he was basically saying that a parent needs to respond appropriately to crying/playing/ give eye contact to ensure proper attachment. And with GF's methods the normal, instinctive reactions between the parent and baby are screwed up because the parents are thinking about the clock/routine and not the baby and therefore not reacting to him/her and the baby gets the message that he/she is not important and feels insecure. (gross over simplification and not saying I agree with him...) And then, of course, goes on to be a psychopathic axe murderer (joke! joke! )

oh dear. I don't want to kick off a discussion either (have done in the past ) but that actually partly explains nicely why I don't like her methods! Although I also think a certain amount of routine helps a baby feel secure too, so i don't agree wholeheartedly with him.

now let's get away from gina ford...

Iv'e heard it said that nursery nurses make terrible mothers, thats my excuse anyway .

Seriously I wonder if I am stricter with my children than I would have been if I hadn't nannied. My favourite phrase just now is "EXCUSE ME!". I heard somebody saying today in exactly the same tone, oh how I winced it sounded terrible .

There's no way I was that close to the charges I nannied for even though I cared for them practicaly 24/7, I couldn't wait for Fri to come.

I can't wait for Friday to come either, it just never does !

My grandmother (mill worker in the late 20s/early 30s) remembers babies being brought to the mill by the grandmothers,and then as soon as the bell for a break went,all the mothers rushing out to b/feed the babies.

Another myth:women only recently working outside the home. Working class women have always had to work outside the home, no matter how many children they had!

Just wanted to add a little more about the wetnurses topic.

Do you know the main reason why wetnurses became so popular in colonial America was because helpful MEN (ie the religious leaders) banned breastfeeding mothers from sexual practices (and even sexual thoughts) on the basis that it would spoil the milk. Now considering that most children were breastfed for well over two years (because they tended to die if they weren't) how many husbands do you think hired wetnurses rather than have their wives off limits for two years or more?

Look through history, its been men all the way who've ruined the easy natural way of breastfeeding.

That is fascinating,roxwood.....

I think the reason the children are more confident is simply the fact they aren't being mothered, they are being 'cared for'. During their time with the nanny I mean!

I'm a childminder, and my mindees have changed since they started. Their behaviour has settled down as I don't have the 'motherly guilt' over them that I do over ds ie if they misbehave and cry, I won't rush to them and hug them!

They spend a lot more time with other children too. But the same is said of my son, he has changed since I minded too.

FAO: Moondog (As still oftrn the case)
I beg to differ, again when I used to be a professioanl nanny 99%+ of all my employers may/were classed as wealthy (they must have been to afford me ha ha)they were/are all wonderful and caring loving parents. Usually Daddy works, mummy is a social mummy but has an awful lot of outside responsibilities, organising charity dinners, being on beck & call for Daddy as a hostess, giving free time to chatities (sadly most people these day in their spare time need to earn extra monies), other times organise large staff households, country estates..... I am sure if the most of my mummies were to go out to work, their life would have been a lot easier. When you are very high up the tree so to speak their are all the additional functions that you have to attend (whether you want to or not!). Also being a social mummy allows you be with the children when you can, if not more because they are often able to schedule their own day.

All my Mummies & Daddies have a wonderful relationship with their children from Birth+ they are absolutely no different to any other parents out their who only want the best for their children.

Also I would often take my charges to Daddy @ his place of work most days either in his lunch & make myself scarce for a certain time..but always being available when needed.

Sometimes it is not always desireable to be born in to wealth... wealth brings lot's of responsibilities.

Righto UKMickey!

Do leave it out UKMickey. People who have enough money not to have to sell their labour, have a choice of how to dispose of their time. If they choose to spend their time organising charity events etc., that's not because they're being forced to, it's because they choose to.

Forgive me if my heart has simply refused to bleed for the troubles of rich women who are obliged to organise the servants...

Glad it's not just me then Caligula.
Seem to be in a fightin' mood these days!

high up their arse more like

sorry but I despise classism, I mean "higher up the tree"! Jeez

Yes,that bit enraged me too,hercules.

Do you get to wear a uniform, Mickey?

I think that you would have to adopt Mickeys attitude if you want to work in that environment. The people who I meet who are "higher up the tree" all insist on a certain amount of forelock tugging from their employees. And they don't like insincerity.

What, you mean you've got to sincerely mean the forelock-tugging??

UKMickey, your post and comments about people higher up the tree made me want to puke. I am on a fairly low branch (possibly a twig) and work outside of the home from 0930 to 1900 every day. On top of this, there are frequent social events which I am required to attend. Oh, as well as cooking and cleaning at home and looking after the children in the evenings and weekends (the best bit of my life). I don't think my life is easier than that of some rich bitch who has to organise the servants and attend the odd charity function. And I imagine a lot of other people are in the same boat.

Mmm, glad I can't afford an expensive UK nanny!

I see the peasants are revolting!

I'm blowing my nose on my fingers!

I aspire to one day be able to lick the feet of one of the superior ones but until then I'll have to stick with admiring them from the other side of their tall fence.