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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Help me set things right with my nanny!

81 replies

chandellina · 05/05/2010 19:41

I had my first tense exchange with our much-appreciated nanny today, over the rate she's charging to look after our son for an extra day this week.

She had already told me she is looking after another child that day, a regular babysitting she does. I asked her today what we should pay, and she said her usual net rate per hour.

I queried this, since she'll have another child too. She works for us in a nanny share, so we pay only half of that usual net on a normal day. I wasn't aggressive, but implied I didn't think that was totally fair.

On reflection, I now accept that I should have just agreed to her asked-for rate, because she's basically doing us a favour, and, as I said, we very much appreciate and treasure her.

Unfortunately, she took the tense moment to mention that she's discovered the going rate for nanny shares is actually £2 more net per hour than she's getting now.

Now I'm in a bit of a pickle and don't know what to do. Apologise? Forget about it and move on?

(She hasn't asked for a pay rise, her contract doesn't renew until September, but now that info is out there.)

OP posts:

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rubyslippers · 05/05/2010 19:44

well, i would imagine she is telling you that in anticipation of her contract renewal

i think you should have a clear the air chat

Original poster

chandellina · 05/05/2010 20:03

thanks. It didn't help that I had a really long and stressful day at work, and my son was screaming and underfoot throughout our conversation!

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 05/05/2010 20:04

if you have previously had a good relationship that i am sure it can make it past this

compo · 05/05/2010 20:09

You could put it up in September

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/05/2010 20:09

Oh dear. You need to apologise. As you say, she is doing you a favour. In those circumstances it is unseemly to question the fairness of, or quibble over, what she is getting paid, unless she was asking for some outlandish amount.

Original poster

chandellina · 05/05/2010 20:15

she did mention the word "quibble." UGH!!! I am an idiot. I just got my period. Can I come up with any more excuses for my behaviour?

OP posts:

Original poster

chandellina · 05/05/2010 20:17

that said, I think a 20% pay rise is a bit much, and probably absolutely impossible for the other family. I'm not sure what we'll do. I haven't had a pay rise myself in 2.5 years and most of my four day net pay goes to paying her three day's gross ...
Not her problem of course. I don't doubt she could find another family.

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 05/05/2010 20:31

I wouldn't worry about the possible increase in September, that might happen or it might not but either way it's a few months away yet.

If I were you I'd pay whatever she asked. When you next see her just sheepishly say that you're sorry about yesterday (or whatever day the convo was on) that you really appreciate all her help with the kids and here's your wages, if you include the word 'appreciate' and 'hard work' I am sure she'll be putty in your hands!

Original poster

chandellina · 05/05/2010 20:51

lollipopmother, that sounds perfect. thanks.

OP posts:

Missus84 · 05/05/2010 22:05

Tbh the situation was probably quite awkward for her too, and if she felt a bit attacked (by you suggesting she was overcharging) she probably threw the going rate comment in as a bit of a counter-attack! The whole money issue is quite difficult to negotiate for both nannies and employers. I wouldn't take it as a request for a payrise.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/05/2010 07:45

yes grovel

your nanny was doing you a favour on her day off where she already had plans/other children

saying that, if you say paid her £100 a day as a share so £50 quid is what you pay towards the share, i do think she is cheeky asking for £100 from you iyswim

it would be like my mb saying today (when i dont normally work) she is only paying me half my daily rate

but then im not a share

ignore the £2 bit,she agreed to a salary at the beginning of the job

pay the amount she wanted for the day

grovel, blame on pmt and give flowers

Crabious · 06/05/2010 08:48

Many Normal jobs pay an ''overtime'' rate - cann't see why nannies are any different.

Strix · 06/05/2010 10:18

I think your paying the full nanny rate whilst she is also babysitting at the same time (prsumably for money) is a bit cheeky to be honest. However, as you say, she is doing you a favour which she is not actually obligated to do. So, as it is a one off for one day, I would probably just pay it without any further fuss. But, I would take note the in upcoming contract negotiations you might also want to table an agreed rate for odd days when she is also babysitting.

Out of curiosity, are the people for whom she is babysitting happy to pay their full rate whilst she also has your children?

As for the going rate of a nanny share is 20% more than you pay me comment, I'd do a bit of my own market research and find out if this is in fact true. It might be she knows three nannies who make more than she does. And it may be there is a reson for this. They may be more qualified, or they may have fewer other perks (i.e. gym membership, mobile, etc.).

StarExpat · 06/05/2010 10:28

Geez. I wish my boss would "grovel" and bring me flowers when I don't get a pay rise in line with the "going rate" or overtime pay. That would be nice...

StarExpat · 06/05/2010 10:28

I'm a teacher by the way, not a nanny - hence the sarcasm.

Original poster

chandellina · 06/05/2010 18:06

thanks for all the comments, and I'm glad I wasn't necessarily horrible to question the full rate. I doubt the other family she's babysitting for have a clue, I asked upfront if they minded, before pay was mentioned, and she said they wouldn't care.

It's all a bit tricky, because she knows we have a babysitter who charges less. And I do agree she's doing me a favour, but I also know she wants to make extra money, so I think she wants extra hours.

Anyway, tomorrow is the day of reckoning, and I will apologise and pay the full rate!

On the pay rise, I guess we'll have to cross that bridge. She's not wrong that the going rate for an experienced nanny like her for a share is UP TO the amount she mentioned, but we didn't even negotiate on pay with her in the first place, just agreed the rate she asked then, which we found fair.

OP posts:

somewhereinlondon · 06/05/2010 18:12

Chandellina,
Don't feel guilty at all about the price difference/query, I can see exactly where you are coming from. Being a 'shared' care day you would have thought a reduced amount would be fair. Don't go OTT with apologies about the conversation maybe just your reaction, if as you say you were tired.
Good luck tomorrow.

Def not worthy of flowers, save giving flowers for a positive exchange/thanks for hard work occasion.

smupcakes · 06/05/2010 23:59

I am a nanny and if I were in your nanny's position - I would have told you to forget about it and pay your cheaper babysitter to mind your son if you thought I asked too much.

It's true she may make more than she usually would by having your child when she has others but that is absolutely her prerogative because it is likely quite inconvenient and she is definitely doing you a favour.

If I were you I'd treat carefully because it sounds like, from the comment she made, she is a bit fed up.

What I think nanny employers fail to realise sometimes also is that there is really no amount of money which can compensate / equate to the effort a good nanny puts into her job. So when employers start to quibble about pay it is very tempting to look for a new job!

StarExpat · 07/05/2010 08:23

And smupcakes, if I were OP, I'd go ahead and get the cheaper babysitter to watch him.
I see your point, but sometimes we can only afford what we can afford. And that's that.

Unfortunately, that's the real world... especially in the current economic climate.

Strix · 07/05/2010 09:00

"What I think nanny employers fail to realise sometimes also is that there is really no amount of money which can compensate / equate to the effort a good nanny puts into her job."

Says it all really. Gimme gimme gimme. The sky is the limit. I will always want more. And don't care what you have to go through to give it to me because I (nose firmly in air) am worth it!

I'm not really interested in having a nanny with such an attitude. I would definitely halt all pay raises and let you walk.

StarExpat · 07/05/2010 09:20

Well said, Strix. I feel exactly the same way.
I think nannies work hard and deserve fair pay just like any other job. However, nannies like smupcakes and others I've heard (who give them a bad name, tbh) have to take into consideration that families are also working to pay them and they don't have limitless funds to just keep paying them more and more. Particularly when the family isn't getting pay rises either (and work very hard for the money they earn, too!!!)

aSilverLining · 07/05/2010 09:34

It strikes me that nanny perhaps expected her usual rate for overtime and you expected to pay less than the usual rate. Is that right? When questioned on her wanting her usual rate (so actually not asking for more money, and is doing you the favour) you were then put out and she has put in an objection to this as her usual rate in itself is low?

Definately apologise and clear the air. If she is a good nanny and you usually get on well you don't want to lose her. If you next time need extra childcare and paying the nanny's usual rate is an issue ask the cheaper babysitter. Hope you work things out with her.

StarExpat · 07/05/2010 09:50

No, asliverlining
"She works for us in a nanny share, so we pay only half of that usual net on a normal day."
So, nanny was asking for her "normal net rate" that she receives from both families instead of the "normal" rate that this mother usually pays.
Why should she apologise for asking to pay what she normally pays her? If she objects to it, she doesn't have to use the nanny, get the other babysitter.
You shouldn't have to "grovel" to your employee. Not for something like that, anyway. It's life.

smupcakes · 07/05/2010 09:58

I am not suggesting that I or other nannies should be paid more than market rate. I completely understand that parents have to work to pay their nannies etc.

I feel, however, that I put a lot more into my job than is required of me. No one can compensate me for the effort I put it, because, to be honest, it is often astronomical. I am always thinking of the children I look after and go to extreme amounts of effort to ensure their develop as well as possible.

Because of this, it would feel like such an insult if a parent wanted to 'bargain me down' when I had suggested a particular rate. I have a good relationship with my employers, as does the nanny in question, so it's unlikely she set out to rip them off.

somewhereinlondon · 07/05/2010 10:18

smupcakes - don't most of us put more into our job than required? not just nannies!
and the OP didn't try to bargain down she was just questioned the rate because she would be caring for two children.

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