Issues with childminder & food.

[SpringyWho]

I'm posting because 12 month old DS has been going to a CM since September & generally all is well there so far as I can tell - he loves her, which was my main concern.

Recently, we've become aware that she's been giving him undiluted orange juice in his bottles (it has stained the teats), which we are not happy about & have asked her to give him either milk or water in addition to the formula that we send him with, if he needs another drink (he'll happily drink anything, so that's not a problem).

Today, DH has come home & checked his book - he's eaten 'popcorn chicken & chips'. Apparently there was also a KFC cup on view when picking him up, so we can only assume that that's what he's eaten. There have been a few other instances when we've been slightly unhappy with what he's been given (jam sandwich, for example), but haven't said anything because it's not seemed worth it.

I really don't want to cause any offence, & she also looks after a family 2 year old, so clearly this is what they consider to be standard for a toddler & I don't want to seem like I'm criticising their values, because I'm not - we just have values of our own, too.

How should we approach this situation?

I would look at what she feeds him over a week. Is it mostly healthy foods with the occasional treat? or is it regular junk? If it is a regular thing then it's not on.

I appriciate its a bit akward but I am a CM and if a parent was unhappy I would want them to tell me.

Obviously I realise that we need to be clear with her, but I just need advice on how to raise the topic with her in a sensitive way.

Would it be possible for you to provide a hot meal from home that needs heating up, saying that it makes it easier when you get home from work if he only needs a cold meal? Avoiding the issue but dealing with it in a way that you're happy and she's none the wiser.
Or provide a cold lunchbag with items in it that you are happy for him to eat with the excuse that you want him to start eating a hot meal with you & dh when you are together of an evening. Can you guess I don't like confrontation?

The undiluted juice would bother me, theres a lot of sugar in juice and if your DS is happy with water then really this should be given. I only give juice to older mindees with tea and even then some prefer water and I use the reduced sugar stuff.

If your DS has had KFC this would worry me also IMO it's junk food mega high salt content and no food value whatsoever.

The jam sarnys ok if a snack type thing but not as a main meal.

Did you provide an All about DS book when he started in Sept, with details of what foods and drinks you would prefer him to have, this is quite common practice for young children and babies, if you did I would refer back to the notes you made and ask that your DS has more of those things. If not then I think you are just going to have to explain that you only want DS to drink water / milk and you feel its inappropriate for children so young to eat fast food and you would prefer if he had X Y Z (provide list). Also a lot of CM's have menu's now, ask for a copy, just say it's so that you can plan his meals so he isn't having the same / similar things to often at home.

Katieskids, that is definitely an option, but her (not dirt cheap) rate includes food, so I'm not entirely happy about it.

atworknotworking, the jam sandwich was his lunch. I've never heard of an All About book - he only has a book now because the OFSTED inspector (is that right?) suggested that it might be an idea. I really doubt she has a menu - I think it's just as it comes. For example today I imagine they were near a KFC, so had KFC.

I just feel a bit awkward saying that I feel it inappropriate for him to eat fast food, because she might think that it's an attack on her own family - she doesn't have children of her own, but looks after her parents' two foster daughters, one of whom is only about 13 months older than DS & must eat the same things.

DH is really unhappy & wants to change CM, but I'd rather not - DS loves her & she is very good with him on a personal level & I wouldn't want to uproot him if we can resolve the issue. Ack. I hate confrontation!

Littlepurpleprincess! We cross-posted & I didn't notice, sorry!

This week:

Monday - Pizza + potato. Banana.
Tuesday - Sausage + mash.
Wednesday - Chicken sandwich. Banana. Yoghurt.
Thursday - Popcorn chicken + chips.

Like other have said, if she is giving junk daily I would be concerned, otherwise I would chill.

Undiluted squash or juice?

If you are going to continue sending your child I would consider sending packed lunch.

That menu doesn't look great to me, No veg, very little fruit.

There are other better good childminders around. If you can't speak to the person you are paying to look after your child you need to think about why imo.

Undiluted juice.

& it's not that I can't speak to her - she's lovely - it's that I want to approach it in the best way so as to not cause any difficulty or offence. Perhaps I'm hoping for too much...

TBH saying you don't want your child to eat the food she is providing is going to cause offence but at some point this person will be a distant memory most likely in your life and your child's diet is more important.

She hasn't given your child any veg all week and 2 pieces of fruit. That is terrible.

Fab says it all really, you need to be comfortable talking to your CM, your DS will probably be with her for a good few years, some of mine I have had from 6wks old.

That list of this weeks offerings is PANTS! wheres the variety of tastes / textures / food groups its all carbs.

Is she newly registered?

If you're happy about all the other aspects of her care, and your DS is happy and settled there, it seems extreme to remove him just because of the food.

Either you have to come straight out and say you're not happy with the food (maybe phrase it as "I know I'm really picky/fussy about food, but I would prefer DS to have/not have..." - that way you're stating your personal preferences, rather than talking about good/bad food or criticising her) OR send him with a packed lunch.

Just tell her you are giving him a packed lunch and no need for an explanation, you can then either ask for a reduction in rate, or not. As for the juice thing, again just tell her, "I really don't want him having any kind of juice, so please just give him water. Thanks"

I often find with these type of things, there is no need to explain yourself, just say what you want to say politely and leave it at that. You only need to give an explanation if one is requested. Even then, just say, "its just what we prefer for him, thanks" IYSWIM

She is newly registered, yes. I've just looked again at the official list of childminders we used originally to choose her from, and her hourly rate is the highest. We chose her because she genuinely loves children and is doing the job only because she wants to, not because it's a job she can fit around her life IYSWIM (I know not everybody does that, but it seemed to be the case with others!), but this is a sticking point with me.

i would be livid if my 12m old child was fed KFC

It is far to full of salt for a 12m old to be able to handle, and surely any CM would realise this?

IMO KFC (even as a one off) is not a suitable meal for a 12m old, (and i wouldnt eat it myself either!)

I did talk to her about the juice & said that it gave him bad nappies (it does) & interferes with his sleep (I'm not 100% sure about that, but it's possible), so could we try him without it for a bit? But that was only a few days ago, so to now start picking fault with the food as well seems a bit off.

I guess I'll just have to be brave about it!

There are one or two other little things (tv on all the time, dog hair on the floor) that bug me, but I know that that is being PFB, so I let that go. It is the food that is the main problem. If that were to be sorted, I'd be happy for him to be there.

0.4g salt in the kids' popcorn chicken

I don't think you should have to send a packed lunch when you are paying for food (but see how this could work if the objective is to avoid confrontation).

I would say something to her fairly directly - it doesn't have to be rude but it does have to be clear that your concern is your son's nutrition, which is included in what you pay for, and that while the occasional treat is fine, you have an expectation of his being provided with healthy, balanced (especially fruit & veg!) meals when he is in her care. If she responds poorly to this, then I am with your DH, would find another carer and not give it another thought.

0.9g, sorry!

Juice in a bottle is a 'no' for any child, because of their teeth.

Occasional little bits of junk food surrounded by lots of lovely healthy food (not just the occasional banana) is OK, I think. I am a CM and have taken the children to a fast food restaurant a couple of times in 10 years, with the prior agreement of their parents.

Have a chat with the CM, or she won't know you are concerned. She may say "Oh yes, your DS had one piece of my popcorn chicken and a chip, with cauliflower cheese, potatoes and a fruit pudding" (but it sounds unlikely from the food list you gave).

The food issue is obviously not a problem to your childminder & unless you say anything she will be unaware that you are unhappy and so nothing will change. Your dh wants to move yet you say ds loves her, surely it is worth working with her rather than walking away from the problem. If you moved what would happen if the next childminder did something you didn't like? Move your ds again?
Please please try to work on this. How about sending him with some fruit/veg to have for snack. This will increase his intake and balance the meals and you can then ensure he has a healthy evening meal. Have you had ds weighed recently? How's his weight, perhaps this could be an angle to use,saying you've taken advice from hv & provide the childminder with some leaflets on suitable meals for 1yr olds. You will be able to get the point across but not directly. Of course if the meals don't improve over time then decide if changing minder is the best option.
I'm with you on the food issue, please don't take my message wrong, I'm just thinking of the relationship your little boy has already made.

I wouldn't be massively keen about the TV being on all the time either - is it CBeebies or just daytime TV?

If she's newly registered then she might just be a bit clueless about the standard of care expected from a CM - TV and KFC is fine for your own children, but if you are a professional childcarer then the standards are higher.

Could you request a review meeting? You can chat about how well your DS has settled, give positive feedback about all the things you like, and also raise your concerns.

OK, I missed your last post, and would now like to change my mind about my last comment.

TV on all the time, dog hair on the floor on top of KFC, etc.? I am now with your DH and would be looking elsewhere for a carer.

As a childminder I also provide food for the children and would never feed a 12mth old KFC/McDonalds type food. My menu consists of

Mon- Homemade Veg Soup and filled sandwich
Tues - Chicken Casserole
Wed- Tuna Pasta in Homemade tomato sauce
Thur- Mince, mashed potato and peas
Fri- Sweet and Sour with rice

We also have at least 3 portion of fresh fruit a day as well as yoghurts, cheese, cerals etc for snacks.

I adapt the menu depending on the children I have and never give them juice if any type only milk and water.

I would be mortified if a parent thought I was feeding them junk and just wouldnt do it, they do get a treat once or twice a week but that would just be a couple of chocolate buttons.