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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Should my CM ensure baby gets some sleep?

31 replies

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 13:05

Hello

My 9mo DS has been going to a childminder for about a month, for two days a week. But he's just not settling, sometimes crying pretty much all day long. This is heartbreaking, as at home he's a jolly little soul.

This may well be separation anxiety, but I think it's also because he doesn't get enough sleep there.

At home he's recently started to have a huge morning nap of about 2.5 hours. But the CM takes her toddler charges out during the morning, so DS has to go along in the pushchair, in which he won't sleep.

Then, back at the CM, the cot is in the room where the other children will be playing, so he's lucky if he gets much sleep there.

I realise to some extent he's got to fit in with what goes on at the CM, but should I get a bit fierce with her and ask her to ensure he gets his naps? It would make her life easier, too, as he wouldn't cry all day!

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TheBreastmilksOnMe · 25/04/2010 13:10

I am a CMer and i have just had to give up a full-timer because he would just cry all day and it was so stressful and hard to concentrate on the other mindees- everyone was losing out so I ended the contract.

There is not really much you can do about his naps to be honest- this should have been discussed at the beginning as the logistics are important. Can the CMer put him in a seperate room to sleep? She may not be able to as it needs to be registered and made safe.

Have you discussed things with her- calmly? There is no point in getting 'fierce' with somebody if they don't even know what the problem is?

I would have a chat with her first and see what she comes up with. If there is no way around nap times then it may be worth you finding another CMer who does not go out and about during nap times.

alarkaspree · 25/04/2010 13:12

Your CM should certainly put the cot in a different room so that your baby can sleep better whilst at her house. I don't think you can expect her to stay at home all morning with the toddler though.

It does sound as if separation anxiety is a big part of the problem, I hope it improves soon.

belgo · 25/04/2010 13:13

How experienced is she as a CM? It is very hard to get a baby to sleep if they don't want to.

Don't get fierce with her, but do talk to her, and together formulate a plan of action to help him get the sleep he needs eg. make sure he has his favourite teddy bear, singing a favourite lulluby; if possible can he sleep separate from the other children etc.

Also two days a week is not very much, can he go more days a week for a few weeks to have a good chance to settle in? And then go back to two days a week?

Original poster

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 13:17

Thanks.

Annoyingly, his habit of huge napping only started about the time he went to the CM. Prior to that he'd have about 45 mins at a time, often in the pushchair, so I didn't think it was going to be a problem.

I agree she would go crazy staying in all day with the toddler, and annoyingly all the toddler activities are in the morning.

I really don't want to have to find another CM, as it took me months to find this one, and she's only over the road!

Also, if it is separation anxiety aswell, it won't help.

I'm wondering if a nanny at home might be a better bet. Though so expensive it will be hardly worth my while working...

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Original poster

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 13:19

Oh, and Belgo she doesn't have a vacancy for a baby for more days a week.

The infrequency is part of the problem too, I think. He goes there Thursdays and Fridays, so the gap between is so big he has to get used to it all over again. He remembers enough to start crying as soon as we get to her front door, however!

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belgo · 25/04/2010 13:21

Do speak to her and look for a solution together. One month is still very early days, the chances are high that he will settle down and things will get better.

If after three or four months you are still having the same problems, then I would think about other child care options.

Original poster

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 13:53

I am minded to leave it longer, but she keeps muttering about 'having to rethink', and 'maybe it isn't going to work', making me think I should start looking around. Or considering giving up work.

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leeloo1 · 25/04/2010 14:00

When at home, could the CM put your baby down for a nap in the pushchair in the hallway? Thats what I do and it means I can keep the other children away from the sleeping little one, so they have a good nap.

If she has to go out and about in the morning (I do this too, but do sometimes miss groups if mindee is under the weather or badly needs to sleep) then could you change naptime at home to be a bit later - then it'd (hopefully) tie in with her getting home from toddler qroup and being able to put your DS down somewhere quiet?!

If your DS is crying all day then the CM must know there is a problem and will want to work with you to resolve it - if you go to her with suggestions and a positive attitude then I'm sure she'll be happy to try what you suggest. If a parent was 'fierce' with me then I'd be deeply unhappy about what it suggested about our relationship.

nannynick · 25/04/2010 14:10

9 months old is a typical time that children experience trouble settling with anyone other than their parent. So I would expect that it is the separation anxiety that is causing the most problem at the moment.

To help with that, try giving him an item of your clothing (such as a t-shirt which you wear for a day, then you don't wash). The clothing will smell quite a bit of you and could be used as a comfort blanket type of thing if he gets overly anxious. This can sometimes work, sometimes it doesn't.

Children I find often change their sleep patterns when they are being cared for by someone else. Children also adapt their sleep patterns over time, so while this issue may exist now, it may not exist in say 3 months time.

Morning naps get dropped as children get older, thus often the pattern in many childcare settings is to have outings in the morning and a nap after lunch. It probably won't be that long till your son settles into that pattern.

Agree that if the cot can be moved to another location it would be better, though that may not be practical. However all the children may have a nap time, or quiet time after lunch, so it may not be as noisy as you think during afternoon nap time.

As a childcarer I can't ensure a child I care for has naps. The toddler I care for rarely naps for me, when he was younger he would often not nap for as long as he would if in the care of mum or dad. He would also refuse to feed as a baby, holding on for as long as possible until giving in and taking the bottle. Children are like that... you can't force them, all you can do is keep trying different things to see if something will work.

It's early days at the moment, so see how things go over the next couple of months.

Remember that he will pick up on any anxiety you have, thus if you are anxious when dropping him off, he will be as well. Talk to your CM about ways to try to help him settle (such as the smelly t-shirt).

belgo · 25/04/2010 14:51

no don't give up work - not after just one month - although if the CM is already thinking it's not going to work, then start looking for alternative child care now.

StarExpat · 25/04/2010 16:29

I'm a bit that she wouldn't put the baby in another room to sleep.
How would anyone sleep with other kids around them, playing? Odd.
I agree with others who said don't get fierce, just talk calmly. 1 month is such early days. Give it time.

HSMM · 25/04/2010 16:59

9 months is the classic age for separation anxiety. I am a CM and I admit to going out most mornings, but I have been known to stay home occasionally for a tired child. Most importantly though, the children in my care are not expected to sleep in the play room. Ask her if she has another safe room registered where your child could nap quietly.

Original poster

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 19:26

She only has a small house. The sitting room is where they play - plus outside when it's fine - and they also play and eat in the hallway. The toddlers do have their rest after lunch, which I think is when DS has any sleep that he does.

I realise they can adapt routines depending on who they're with, but waiting for six hours after he's woken up for a first nap is too long.

Oh, and when I said 'get fierce', I didn't really mean 'fierce'. Just that I should say something. TBH I'm a bit scared of her - she's quite opinionated, never answers a straight question and contradicts herself a lot. I'd been hoping everything would settle itself without me having to have a highly difficult conversation!

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belgo · 25/04/2010 19:28

herbaceous everything you say about this CM makes me think you should start exploring other child care options, especially if she is so difficult to speak to it's hard to discuss the care of your child with her.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 25/04/2010 19:41

aww herb, you should never feel scared or intimidated by your CM

I can see that space constraints have an impact

not sure what you can do, sleeping in the buggy is one answer, but you say he won't sleep in hers; how about you try leaving YOUR buggy for her to get him to nap in in the mornings? a bit of extra faff, I know but worth a shot?

Original poster

herbaceous · 25/04/2010 19:43

Nannynick - thanks for your 'smelly t-shirt' suggestion. I did in fact try taking over a scarf I wear all the time, but don't know if the CM gave it to him. She looked a bit sceptical when I suggested it.

Belgo - she seemed really nice when I was 'interviewing' her. She's great with the children she looks after, some of whom have been with her for three years. She's just got a manner I can't get used to.

But yes. I shall start looking around.

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tassisssss · 25/04/2010 19:46

my lovely CM has a travel cot in an upstairs bedroom and our dd will sleep there for a couple of hours after lunch. dd takes her snuggly "blankie" from home with her.

CM takes all kids out in the am, but a nap after lunch and before school pick ups seems reasonable.

Hope you get something sorted.

StarExpat · 25/04/2010 19:58

smelly tshirt is a good idea. Wear a soft one to bed and give him that to have for the day.
My ds has a travel cot in the cm's bedroom. Surely the cm has a bedroom of her own your baby can sleep in?

Reallytired · 25/04/2010 20:09

Prehaps you should consider a nursery. You child would then be in a dedicated baby room and THIER needs would be met. It would not be a compromise between the needs of the toddler and the needs of the baby.

StarExpat · 25/04/2010 20:27

The sleeping arrangement is a lot of what I didn't like about a nursery. I liked the home feeling of a cm and that he'd get to sleep soundly in a cot in a quiet, darkened bedroom by himself... not with other kids to disturb him.

tassisssss · 25/04/2010 20:31

Star, I so agree. We only used nursery for a few months and only 2 days a week but ds never learned to sleep there. The lovely ladies liked to shush him to sleep and didn't like him to cry (understandably as there were other sleeping babies) but he was used to being left to settle himself.

There are clearly pros and cons of both.

thirdname · 25/04/2010 20:38

my nursery is quite flexible, more so than the cm they went to as there were sometimes 6-7 children

Original poster

herbaceous · 26/04/2010 09:24

Lordy. I'd liked the idea of a CM rather than nursery, as he's a bit of a sensitive soul and I thought nursery might be a bit boistrous for now. Maybe when he's a bit older. Apart from that, all the nurseries round here have huge waiting lists.

I'll ask if she can put him in her bedroom for naps, though of course that won't help the fact that they go out in the morning. But I'll suggest she has my pushchair. However, that's huge and I don't know where she'd put it!

OP posts:

Snooch · 26/04/2010 11:08

I really don't see why she can't put your DS in her bedroom for naps - I've always done this with my mindees and wouldn't even contemplate trying to get them to sleep in the same room as a bunch of noisy, boisterous toddlers! He'll be safe all tucked up in a travel cot, and sleeping soundly - what's the problem? As you say, it would make her life so much easier having a well rested, happy baby instead of one that's crying from exhaustion all day, which is what is probably only exacerbating the seperation anxiety Let us know what she says.

bigdonna · 26/04/2010 15:44

i agree with snooch my 16month old mindee sleeps in buggy in morning then in afternoon i put him in my bedroom on top floor so he gets a really good sleep as if he doesnt he seems to winge alot.i also look after a3yr old and a 4yr old.if i had too and i do sometimes, he goes to sleep on my lap.Does she cuddle him and make him feel relaxed i in 26 yrs of looking after children have never gave up on one,so make sure she is trying to bond with him!hope it gets better.

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