Just caught our Au pair going through our personal stuff

[celtic66]

After being out most of the day I walk into my bedroom to find our Au pair hastily leaving the room all flustered. I didn't think anything of it after all she could have been putting ironing on the bed ( she wasn't) then I noticed drawers left half open and papers on the floor.

I am really annoyed I feel like my privacy has been invaded. I have not said anything as yet because i'm sure she will deny it, there has been no one in the house today only her.

I have not noticed anything missing but she is really nosiey as she looks at our files on the computer.

I feel like i should say something, if she can stoop to this what else does she do? my MIL said leave it and see what happens because she's only here for the summer.

Any suggestions?

errr frustrated...
Ap will be gone by the end of the week, however i would like to at least speak to her new family By the sounds of it this family is investing a lot in AP and she will be having sole charge of 8 month old for 3 half days... this I would not recommed.

She she has been with us she has shown no genuine affection, compassion or even knows how to play them, dispite being efficient in caring for their basic needs, like bathing, changing nappies and feeding.

so far she has evaded giving me her new contact details. Today for the first time she was running around with DD aged 4 and swinging her, and of course children get excited and DD started grabing at her clothes asking her to do it again, Ap shouted at DD to stop it and DD came running to me saying AP had grabed her wrist and hurt her.

For the best part of the time she has been with us has srping cleaned the kids rooms and re organised playrooms toys ect, done the shopping and food prep. she has not has sole charge of the children ( due to her uncaring attitude) and it concerns me that she wil be looking after a 8 month old - although completely parents choice but hopefully an an informed one.

Didn't they call you to check her reference?

Uwilla - they rarely do. AP has clearly told new family that old family are tyrants - or worse. More fool them for not bothering to hear the other side of the story. All they heard was how much cheaper AP will be than qualified nanny.............

Celtic - For insurance purposes you need to know where she has gone - what if something goes missing with her. You would look pretty silly if something valuable went missing and all you could tell police/insurance is that you had a complete stranger living in your house who has now moved on and you have no idea where they have gone, nor any evidence of who they were.

Insurance would be within their rights to say they are not paying out and you are liable. Afterall, it is the equivalent of leaving your front door open.................

I always get a photocopy of APs passport when they arrive, saves any anguish later.

Tell her you must have a forwarding address and/or copy of her passport. Give her 12/24 hours. If she does not give it to you take her to her room and demand it, do not move till you have it, she clearly is not going to respond to anything else.

When you have details of new family - give them a ring and tell them the good and the bad things about AP - at least then they can make an informed choice.

This is difficult to do, but imagine how you would feel if anything happened to that 8 month old she will be looking after, but you had said nothing?

Golden Oldie - I do already have a copy of her passport, and It does concern me what you have said. I have asked for her details before the end of today and I know there is no otherway than to demand it from her. It will be difficult because she will want to see 'how' I will get a forward address, she seems to be looking for a confrontation, ortherwise she would have given it long ago.

I have got the stage were I can hardly bare to be in the same room has her. Our last AP was brilliant, very caring and happy person, and this AP is creating a bad Atmosphere in the house her rudeness and bad attutide is very subtle.

On reflection I made a bad decision we had a few doubts on day one. the whole experiece has made me extremely cautious and Guarded of our next AP due to start in Sept.

Good luck Celtic, I'm sure your new AP will be a nice surprise, nothing like this one.

Let us know how it goes getting forwarding address.

finally.....got to speak to her new host family today and of course AP did not produce her contact details and I was just about to confront her this evening when the phone rang asking to speak to AP. I asked who was calling and women replied 'a friend' so, I told her I suspected she was AP new host family and I felt I ought to mention a few things, as my guess is, that AP has told you how awful we are ect ect. I mentioned AP plus points her high standard of housework, shopping and how organised she was, then on to the unpleasant stuff about AP going through our personal stuff, uncaring attitude to the children, and the reason why she was not have in sole charge of the children ect.

It was complete silence on the other end of the phone, at this point I was thinking OMG it really is a friend of AP, but thankfully it was AP new host mother she was just gobsmacked. Based on the information I had given her she will think about it and call AP back this evening.

AP told many convincing lies about us, the funniest was she was made get up at 6am weekends to look after the children an til we got up. we never saw AP before 11am at weekends.

what a relief.....

Good job celtic. Boy is AP going to be mad. Better get your keys back before she finds out.

I personally think the worst part of employing live-in help is the situation that COULD arrise when they are scorned and still there unsupervised. I mena she did go through your stuff... so what's she gonna do when she finds out she doesn't have a job anymore?

strange, if i was hiring an aupair and she told me lots of bad stuff about the family that would just send big warning sirens to me about her rather than the family.

Burluddy hell. I just can't believe that anyone employing an au-pair wouldn't take the opportunity of speaking to their current host family just in case, even if they did sound like nightmares. Are people really so naieve that they just believe what other people tell them without scepticism? Amazing!

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I don't generally look for references from my au pairs, but if someone was coming from another family, I would want to find out the reasons for the move and to get both sides of the story.

I know that my first au pair, who we fired for neglect, bad-mouthed us to several people - completely untrue things like keeping her money (we may not have been the ideal family, but we always paid her on time).

In 10 years of having APs (about 14 APs in total) only once have I been contacted for a reference. Even families leaving AP in sole charge of babies don't bother to check refs...................

APs tend to turn up at interviews with a written ref (supposedly) from the last family and it appears that most/all families accept this and what the AP says as gospel.

I ignore any written ref unless I can talk to the last family. Most APs are honest, but I am sure there are some who fabricate references, and to be honest I can imagine families giving AP a good reference to get rid of her/him. I always think what the family say on the phone to you in confidence is likely to be much more accurate.

yes - I am really shocked that this family would take an AP when it was so easy to check out her story.

I gather from Ap ( enjoying every moment) telling me how fanstastic her new job was; more money, newly refurbished self contained area of the house, 3 weeks paid leave and food allowance. it sounds like they were investing a lot in AP, including Fist Aid cert and extra language courses. THey are a very young family she would also be their first AP.

I did feel very sorry for the family ( however foolish ) to think they would, have a bad experience with their first AP and all the things that could go potentially wrong esp with young child.

I have looked into B&Bs tonight and tomorrow in lieu of her last week pay, I know she will be furious when she finds out. I just hope this women rings soon, rather than AP finding out herself and doing a revenge thing when I am out at the shops ...

Failing that I might just tell her myself then ask her to leave tonight. Its all bad timing DH great Aunt is arriving at 8.30. DH is going mad saying we may as well throw her bags out the window and shout down the road and go the whole hog.

or I could wait and see what happens

Oh good luck Celtic. Hang in there. It will be over soon.

oooh, let us know what happens!

I'm lucky in that all of the people I have employed have been recommended to us. First nanny stayed 3 years and was fantastic. She married and Italian and moved to Italy. Second turned into Evil Nanny from Hell. She was fine with nice compliant baby but couldn't be arsed with bigger ones. Vandalina was lovely but slightly mad and left to carry on with her studies. Current one is fab.

I've checked out references with all of them and did not employ a Slovak au pair following a chat on the phone with her previous employer. She had a glowing written reference but I was told not to touch her with a bargepole on the phone.

So Celtic.... how did it go? Did you book her into a b&b?

She has Finally gone and I nice relief to get my house back!!!

She shouted at DD for the last time this morning after being rude to me. I could not wait any longer so i confirmed the B&B booking, printed off some flight options, and asked my mother look the children for an hour.

I told her about the converation I had with her new family and how I would not recommend that she looks after children, and how dare she lie about my family, her attitude to us and the children, going through our belongings ect. and we have treated her with nothing but respect ect ect.

She said she didn't like working here, I really couldn't understand what she was saying I could only guess it abuse. I asked her to go and back her bags give her the B&B details and flight times. I watched her pack her stuff although she kept shouting at me to get out of her room, She was upset and angry only because I had got the chance to speak to her new family.

She was packed up and at the bus stop within 1 hour it was a lot easier than I thought. I have just gathered the rest of her stuff to drop off at the B&B. I am still fuming about the things she said about us. it seems she will continue to look for another family they were loads of agency details, and job letters in her room.

Thanks for some the useful opinions - Golden Oldie 14 APs... I should imagine you have seen it all before. Its shocking to think you have only been contacted once for a reference!!

I totally agree about written reference's

Good riddance celtic - you did the right thing. It's just sad that bad experiences with one AP puts you on your guard fir the next and you are never as trusting/forgiving again.

Yeehaa!

Blimey. It must be a relief to have her gone. Now get the vacuum out and fumigate her room!!!

Good for you, Celtic. I've been there. I relieved an au pair / nanny from her employment and asked her to be gone that day about a year ago (with good reason). It was sooo stressful. But when she was gone, it was so delightful.

well and truly out of my life!!!
Just dropped that last of her stuff at the B&B minus a few things of mine found in her drawers.

Her room is a disgrace - rotten fruit under the bed, overflowing bin, nail polish and make up on the carpet, ring marks(from hot cups) on the the wood furniture- and this is is someone who we highly rated at cleaning.

Yes - uwila its extemely stressfull and an awful thing to do.

Dh is delighted cruella has gone. I'm gona crack open a bottle of wine tonight it really is delightfull.

Cruella

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