Would it be acceptable for a Nanny to regually meet up with her DH and DC?

[JennyPenny22]

I am thinking of switching from CM to Nannying and DH would then be a SAHD to our 2 young DC. I would miss them I think but it is starting to look like the better option all round.

What I was thinking, is theat if he is at home with the kids, we could meet up most days, with the kids, so I would still see them all. I am not talking about meeting for lunch or anything unreasonable, I am talking more along the lines of going to the same preschool classes, toddler groups, soft play etc. So the kids would all still have great fun etc. But I just think it sounds weird to mention to a possible employer that this is what we might be doing. I would worry they would be thinking it would be effecting my work, but I am very professional and wouldn't do it if it was effecting my work, and it would be him fitting in with my job, not the other way round.

What do you all think?

Sorry to keep asking questions recently! Just soo many options and want to make the right choice!

I think that if you are working for a family, then meeting up with your own children on a regular basis probably wouldn't be on. If I was your employer, I would be concerned that my own children would be missing out on your attention during the time you are with your own family.

What if the children don't get on?
How can you maintain the same level of attention to the "work" children if you are talking to your own children/dh etc. etc. etc.

From an employer point of view, it sounds like you are trying to have your cake and eat it.

Sorry.

OK thanks for your view, I am happy to have honest opinions, even if it is disagreeing with what I am suggesting.

As I said, I wouldn't do it if it was effecting the care I was giving the child/children I was paid to look after. So if the children didn't get on, I wouldn't do it. And I would make sure the employer was happy with it.

I just thought that as often, Nannys meet up with other Nannys, Mums, Friends with children etc then maybe it would be acceptable.

I think it would be acceptable to say that you may occasionally attend the same toddler group, but if it was a regular few times a week thing I think it would not come across very well - like littlefish says "having your cake and eating it" springs to mind. It is different to seeing other nannies/mums and their children as these are your children and your dh who you will see every morning/evening/weekend.

It may also come across to your DH that you don't trust him, that you feel the need to check up on him.

I would have been very unhappy with this when employing a Nanny. Non of mine had their own DCs but would occasionally see their parent, siblings and fanilies with my DCs in tow. I had no problems with that strictly on a very occasional basis but generally very much had concerns over who would take priority between my DCs and their relatives DCs etc.
Was similarly not very happy with one Nanny about very frequent contact with her Nanny friends and their charges - this always seemed to be purely for the advantage of the Nannies and their social interaction plus I'd prefer my Dcs to spend more time with their own friends from school etc.

I think if you ask for a low salary this might be workable. You'd be making yourself affordable to those who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford a nanny.

Why don't you look for a live-out nanny job (share) where you can take your kids with you (for a reduced rate) and DH go out and get another job. I think you will find that you end up with more money having 2 people working. Your take home pay will be less. But, DH's work should more than make up for your reduced income. And, you can take advantage of his tax allowance.

I am a bit suprised at the responses TBH. Its only going to the same toddler groups etc - its not like we will be going anywhere we wouldn't go anyway?

Horsham isn't a huge town so TBH if we couldn't go to the same groups, it might be an issue as I am guessing there won't be an awful lot of choice each day as to which groups to go to.

Thanks for your opinions though, all will be considered. I wouldn't do anything without the family being OK with it though.

Nannynick - DH wouldn't mind, he thinks its a great idea.

I think as a nanny you will be expected to follow the routine that the parents have set for their child, which would probably include playdates with friends etc. I'm not a nanny but I get the impression from many on here that their day is quite often planned out by parents and occasionally they get some time to plan meets with other nanny's, but this seems more when it fits in rather than regularly IYSWIM.

I look after a mindee (I'm CM) whose mum doesn't want her child going to playgroups at all, this has happened a few times with other mindees as well and from conversations with other minders it seems to be becoming more common. So you may even find an employer who doesn't want you to access these groups anyway.

Have you not considered Childminding, you can have your own DC's around then as well, I think you would find this a better option than Nannying if you wish to see your children during the day.

To be quite blunt their arn't many jobs that would allow you to have playdates with your children during working hours, if I was nannying it wouldn't even cross my mind to arrange what your suggesting, not that I wouldn't want too but I would be at work. That's one reason why I chose minding, I get to see my DD, although sadly she knows I'm working and her needs often have to wait (although we have lots of quick hugs) and its great to have her around.

Oh pants

Just noticed you are a CM - how barrasing!

Is it not working out for you atm is that why your thinking of switching or are you just fed up with the endless papertrail?

I wonder if it wouldn't be weird for your own children as well? I have to say I would not be keen on a nanny who suggested this. There would be a conflict of interest going on, it seems to me.

I wouldn't hire a nanny who proposed this. I think it would be weird for your own children also.

oops same content - thought first post hadn't worked!

If I were a parent I think I'd be okay with you going to groups etc where your DC happened to go but not having playdates.

It depends how flexible your employers are on you managing your own time - I've had both ends of the spectrum and some people do schedule their children (and by extension their nanny) quite tightly.

Well in that case, that's more understandable. It would be strange for you to deliberately avoid particular groups in a small town.

But i wouldn't say anything like "we could meet up most days, with the kids, so I would still see them all" to a potential employer because it just sounds like you'd be paying more attention to your kids rather than the charges. That may be unfair in light of your professionalism but a potential employer wouldn't necessarily know that. You'd have to a more spin on it and sell the idea to potential employers as a positive.

atworknotworking - basically what we would love to do in an ideal world is for me andh DH to CM together and have our numbers doubled. BUT it is just so hard working out incomes and we have bills to pay and rent etc so he couldn't give up his job without a garantee we could get by money wise. CM on my own I can only have 1 under 5 as I have 2 of my own under 5. So that limits me to about £4 per hour.

And we are moving house to a different area so need to get that all set up etc at the same time and it just all seems like its not going to work? Would love it to and it would be a perfect situation if we could stay home and CM together. But I just don't know how to manage it!

Well let me tell you my story because it is important that you know the DH will not be CRB checked.
I hired a nanny who looked after the children just fine until she got pregnant herself. When the new baby arrived my 3 year old felt utterly pushed out especially as the nanny would regularly meet up with her DH and the new baby on the pretense that my DD loved the baby yadda yadda.
Anyway one day my 3 year old is at the nanny's house (which I didn't know about or authorise it was a 20 miles away) and basically knocks a vase over which frightened their precious little darling.
My 3 year old was locked out in the garden in the rain and a gesture was made to kick her up the bum by the nanny's DH and my older children had to watch her sat outside crying, whilst nanny and DH comforted their baby.
My kids were then warned not to tell us about it and didn't for 6 months by which time, child protection, the police and ofsted did not want to know.
My blood still boils now to think about it, the nanny on her own was caring, competent, put with her DH who is a bully all that went out the window, plus I guess the biase towards her own child's welfare.

My advice is do not mix business and family, she is at work with you and your children are her one and only priority.

millymolly - I think you had a very bad Nanny TBH. I know you said it was her DH but she was still there and it is still her fault. My DH is actually a registered childminding assistant already and has all the CRBs etc but we would only be in toddler groups etc anyway, not going to houses or anything.

Think I am ruling that out from what you have all said but I do feel like you are getting me wrong a bit here, I maybe didn't word it very well as it was just an idea that had just come up rather than a whole thought up plan.

I just thought as there would be 10 r so other children in the group and plenty of adults that arn't CRB checked etc then it would be OK.

Never mind, bad idea then!

mmm what a dreadful story

jenni,if dh is at home with children then he is not earning a salary

it would make more sense for you to work as a cm and get 1 child under 5 and maybe an after school pick up and have 4 children to look after including your own

and for dh to get a job, so double income

it is hard to get a job as a nanny with 2 young children

you may want to meet up most days, but sure the mb/children will have other friends/activites to do so this may not be possible

but both meeting at a M&T, or a music class sounds fine

i wouldnt change make your decision on what pre school to go to, be the one where your charge goes to

you may not be in that job when school starts

On a slight tangent, atworknotworking, why on earth do parents not want their children to go to playgroups? I suppose if you have a child who is immunocompromised in some way, you might want to keep them away from the hotbeds of germs other children are, but otherwise I can only see it is a good thing.

Declaration of interest: my CM takes my children to toddler group and playschool, and they have a great time

blondeshavemorefun - no DH wouldn't have a income, but I would be earning much more as a Nanny than what he would working full time. And he could possibly work part time.

JennyPenny - I would feel uncomfortable about what you are suggesting and if I had the choice between you and another childcare provider it would probably be enough to make me choose the other one IYSWIM.
Unless you described it differently, it would sound to me as if my DC were going to be 'lumped in' (can't think of better way to put it) with your DC and looked after by you and your DH jointly. I think if it was going to be an arrangement I would even consider I would want to meet/interview both yourself and DH and meet your DC also.
If it was just a case of you saying 'by the way, my DH is a SAHD and we might bump into them at swimming/toddler groups etc I would be ok with that but I wouldn't be ok with you meeting up with just them (eg not in public place) either in your home or mine.

oic jenny

right then yes makes more sense that you workas a nanny, leave your dc with dh and then he works in evenings/weekends

tho does mean you may not see much of him as you will be at work and when you are home, he will be at work

no not at all burnyhill that is not at all what I was suggesting doing!

What I meant, was say I was Nannying 8am-6pm. When we go to say a toddler group in the morning, I would see DH there (just like a Nanny would see other nannys etc) and my DC would be 2 of the many children there. Thats all, so DH wouldnt be looking after them AT ALL and I wouldnt be going anywhere we wouldnt go anyway.

JennyPenny - Thats why I said 'if you didn't describe it differently' IYSWIM. If it was just a case of maybe all being at TumleTots at the same time but then both getting on with your days then I think I'd be ok with it. I think I would be wary that over time it might become more frequent etc but by then you should have a good working relationship with your employer and you can agree on things once the trust has been established.
I think it would all come down to how you approach the subject with any potential employer tbh, with one description I'd run a mile and with another I'd be fine with it. Sorry, am rambling now...!