Would it be acceptable for a Nanny to regually meet up with her DH and DC?

[JennyPenny22]

I am thinking of switching from CM to Nannying and DH would then be a SAHD to our 2 young DC. I would miss them I think but it is starting to look like the better option all round.

What I was thinking, is theat if he is at home with the kids, we could meet up most days, with the kids, so I would still see them all. I am not talking about meeting for lunch or anything unreasonable, I am talking more along the lines of going to the same preschool classes, toddler groups, soft play etc. So the kids would all still have great fun etc. But I just think it sounds weird to mention to a possible employer that this is what we might be doing. I would worry they would be thinking it would be effecting my work, but I am very professional and wouldn't do it if it was effecting my work, and it would be him fitting in with my job, not the other way round.

What do you all think?

Sorry to keep asking questions recently! Just soo many options and want to make the right choice!

blondes - I dont see him as it is as currrently I work in a pub/babysitting/cleaning all the hours he is home because we can't afford to live otherwise and it does my head in that I dont ever get time to have a break. I am not worried too much about not seeing him TBH as the situation couldn't get much worse on that score.

Sorry to add to your woes Jenny, but I had a nanny who wanted to be able to take DS to see her husband, or alternatively for the husband to come to our house while she was on duty there, all at a very early stage of her employment with us - still in her probationary period. I said no as he was not CRB checked and we had not met him. She took DS anyway as she had "just happened" to be in that part of town and had "forgotten" what I'd said . She was silly enough to show me a photo of DS with her DH and it looked a lot like they were playing happy families with my baby. I was not happy at the time (understatement emoticon) and I would not employ a nanny who asked about this at interview. It has to be said she was a bit of a muppet, this nanny.

My second nanny's DH did meet the kids and came over to hang out with Nanny2 if she was babysitting on a Saturday night, but somehow this was all completely different. The DH was introduced after she'd been with us for a while, and was an established part of the family.

Nannies are an expensive childcare option, but one of the plus points should be that nanny is there for her charges 100%. I think it is a significant shift in emphasis from CM, where you expect the children to fit in around the CM's day a bit more.

JEnny, he doesn't need to make more than you make for him working to be worthwhile. He needs to make more than is deducted from your pay for the priviledge of bring the kids with you.

Are you sure this doesn't make financial sense?

poledra erm some of the playgroups around here are not erm "nice enough" for our mindees. Sounds awful I know and please don't take offence anyone but I am very particular about where I take mindees and some of the groups are a little lary in that mums and dads swear a lot, stand around outside having a fag etc, not the environment I want to be in never mind my mindees. Some of our mindees parents have tried these groups and have requested that we don't use them

i must say i second what everyone else was saying- even at a toddler group i dont see how you could not neglect the care of your charges, even a little bit, if your own dcs were too. the whole point of having a nanny is having their attention focussed on your child instead of you. if that nanny's attention is focussed on their own children on a regular basis (not matter what the forum) then it is rather more like a childminder than a nanny. i employ a nanny and would not be comfortable with the arrangement you describe. I think you have lots of integrity as you plan to be open about it, but frankly i would look to hire someone else.

Ah, I see atworknotworking - thanks for explaining. I live a sheltered life in a (mostly) pleasant village so I guess I hadn't thought about that.

Strix - yes but it would be very difficult to get a nannying job that would want me to bring a baby and a toddler along.

Jenny
My initial reaction is family and work don't mix. What you described in the OP sounds a bit have one's cake and eat it.

However - I think I would consider taking on a nanny with two children IF the price were deeply discounted. I am thinking there could be a price which might work for a family which would mean that you are still making a bit more than you would as a CM but they are paying a lot less than they would pay for a full time live out nanny.

For the sake of argument (and because I have two otherwise occupied DCs and hence the time for this!!) if a typical salary for a live out nanny is £400 net, this works out at about £579 for the family per week, plus they have to add on a bit more, for employer's tax. Quite a shedload.

If you did it for say £400 gross, you might well find a taker.

All you can do is advertise and see who shakes out, but this is the route I would take rather than trying to sell the arrangement you've described, then DH could just get a job.

Jenny, before you switch to nannying, have you done your nvq3. I did mine last year while childminding and it opens more doors. I'm accessing as much free training as I can now.There is alot of inclusion training to go on and its all free.
I have now registered with ss to care for children assessed under caf, I've been offered creche work at the local children centre and I am mixing childminding on a mon,tues,weds and nannying on some of the other nights and days but I do it on my terms.
Its working out really well, I have had to add nanny insurance but that really is the only expence.If I do more nannying then I will give the childminding a break for a bit but don't give up your registration just in case.
Why not get your husband to do the full childminding registration so you could be really flexible between you.
Ofsted are happy with what I am doing, if I do more nannying then they will inspect me for that as well as childminding.

I wouldn't have an issue with it if you described it very differently.

If it was "DH is a SAHD and, as Horsham isn't a huge town, we are quite likely to bump into one another at playgroups, etc, from time to time. I wouldn't specifically schedule it that way, but we might just be in the same place at the same time. Obviously I'd be focused on your kids at that point, but I wanted to check it wasn't a problem as I'd rather not ask DH to avoid some of the nicest playgroups" or something like that, I'd find it ok.

JennyPenny I've read some of your posts. I'm a parent. Not a cm or nanny. But my ds goes to a cm. dh and I are teachers.
Why not try this?... your dh stays working and earning money and you start cm business... you take on 1 charge under 5 at 4/hr and possibly some after school and holiday care as well? As you receive more interest, get all set up for cming, perhaps you could ease into dh working as a cm from your home, too?

This way, from the start of your move, you'd be earning and dh would be earning - probably equal to what you'd get as a nanny with the two of your salaries together if not more (?)

Then you'd be setting yourselves up for your ideal situation of cming as a couple, but you'd have time to set it all up and earn money at the same time. Sounds logical to me, but maybe I'm missing something.

Even if you just had 1 under 5 at 4/hr for an 8 hour day = 32/day, 160/week, 640/month for you + whatever your dh earns. And you get to stay home with dc. And that's bare minimum for you to earn as a cm.
Because you could have after school and holiday care, too as extra money and perhaps your under 5 full timer could be more than 8 hours a day. at 10 hours/day that would be 200/week or 800/month just for your supplementary income to what dh earns.

JP - you have said you would be earning more money as a nanny than as a childminer. What is important to understand is that the reason why nannnies get paid quite a lot, compared to childminers, is that as a nanny you are an employee just like any other employee - what this means is that all your working hours need to be focused on doing your job.

Jennypenny22, I really can't believe some of these posts. What's the problem ?

I think what you want to do sounds perfect for all concerned.

I'd be over the moon to have a nanny like you who would intergrate my child into your family. What's wrong with meeting your husband for lunch, meeting him at toddler groups etc.

It sounds wonderfull. If your're happy then your mindees are happy. Mindees like to feel part of a family too.

I'm a cm and only do after school care as I like my mindees to be here when my DC (teenagers) are here too. I fetch mindees from school and when we get home its like one huge happy family. Mindees LOVE being with my DC, and everyone is happy playing football, music, drawing, etc while I make fairy cakes, dinner etc.

My good friend is a nanny and she brings her mindees here too and they love it and of course no mindees would ever get neglected in favour of my own DC. My friend's boss knows she comes here and is more than happy about it, why wouldn't she be.

Being a nanny can be a very, very hard and lonely job, especially in this bad weather we've had for months and especially if the mindee's home is very small or cold or not very nice to be in.

If the nanny is happy then the child is happy. Have your cake and eat it, good on you. You sound very sorted, well done. x

As a mother I'd also be happy to have my DD looked after by someone in that situation, so long as I was happy with the care and got to meet the rest of your family.

I would expect my child's activities to come first, so anything you arranged with your DH would have to fit in with anything regular DD did (groups etc) but otherwise I'd quite like her to have relationships with your children - I have a part time nanny and my DD loves going to visit her mum and younger siblings. So long as your DH was there to be officially responsible for your children I wouldn't see it as a problem at all.

Doesn't this just flush out the problem with the artificial distinction between a CM a nanny and a nursery nurse?

There is a big difference between the three legally (and in terms of cost for the parent!). However, it boils down to caring for children.

I find the idea of a nanny deeply weird tbh, mainly because of the conotation about getting someone foreign 'by mail order' on the say-so of an agency.... and then that person very quickly being in charge of your kids unsupervised.

I went for a CM for my kids. I knew a couple of ladies in the community. All had their pros and cons - that I learnt about very well through watching them work, bumping into them at the shops and listening to gossip!

If my CM offered me 'exclusive' based in my house, I'd bite her hand off. Hanging out with her own (grand)kids at playgroups would be neither here nor there because i already 'know' she can juggle lots of kids fairly - and I know and like the family.

If a 'nanny' mentioned DHs and DCs I'd be a bit bemused, and would feel panicked at so many moving parts that I couldn't 'control'.

Which is a long winded way of saying that i think what you are offering is perfectly reasonable, but you'll find you're really stuffed by the 'definitions' and expectations of the different types of childcare.

You might be able to pull it off, based on personal recommendation.

One thing to bear in mind, however, is that your kids are growing. In the medium term, you might find it much more convenient to CM. You'd have mindee littlies, and be free to pick up your own DC after school.

kif - I think your definition of a 'nanny' is that of an au pair. They are not usually from this country and usually have limited childcare experience. They come here to study and for bed, board and pocket money do some child related and household duties. Some will go on to become nannies when they have built up experience - some will call themselves nannies when they are not.

I think the majority of nannies are from the UK and are usually (though I know not always) qualified and with more experience than a cm. A professional nanny will have made working with children her career and will build up lots of experience. Cm's usually come into the business when they have their own children and their working experience will have been in something different pre children.

A lot of cm's will have qualifications and experience, they have to go through lots of hoops and courses to become cm's, it is not an easy option for staying at home with your own children. So they are a very good choice of childcare.

I just wanted to point out that what you thought of as a 'nanny' was more that of an ap.

nbee - I hear what you're saying - but I'm describing the nannies I've personally come across. Maybe there's a 'pecking order' which gives me a skewed view, where Norland nannies go to work for aristocratic families, and as the house and perks get smaller the nanny becomes younger, cheaper and less experienced.

'Nannies' I've personally met are either aged 19-25 Kiwis/East Europeans/South African lovely yet slightly disinterested girls that seem to move on every year - or they're legally-grey 'aunties' that come over from people's 'village' and seems to do far too much for far too little money.

I chose a childminder, because it was important to me that the person had depth of experience (i.e. not 'education' but 'experience') and that I was building a genuinely long term and loving childcare arrangement.

I'm paying pretty much as much for the CM as I would for a nanny (3 kids). A proper, rooted, older local person working from my home as a nanny would be my ideal, but that doesn't really seem to be what a 'nanny' is.

I'm your ideal nanny

Have been nannying since a young age - have brought up 2 children of my own (now 21 and 16) and worked as a childminder when they were primary school age. I'm back nannying now and am a big believer in continuity of care and stay with my families until their childcare needs change (eg starting full time school)

On this board there are quite a few career nannies with over 10 years of experience and we don't particularly like to be put in the same categor as an ap

Chucks in the stray 'y'

Hey JennyPenny22, I've met a lovely Nanny at babygroups, she works for (I believe) quite well-to-do parents in London caring for their baby twins (11 months I think)... and the last time her friend brought the nanny's 2 DSs (3/5 ish?) to the same group too. They all hung out together to some extent, but the friend was obviously mostly responsible for the DSs care and the nanny mostly looked after the twins.

She said its been harder for her to get jobs because she had DC, but I guess thats often the case.

I'm not sure why you'd need to mention at interview that you hoped to sometimes bump into your DH/DC at baby groups during the day, especially as it could well disadvantage you (whereas your DH being a SAHD would be an advantage as you'd be more reliable as not off if your DC were ill)... but in practise if you 'ended up' at the same groups in a small town then its only to be expected. I think it'd be different if you wanted to take the charges to your house or bring your DH/DC to their house. After a few months if all going well you could always ask your bosses if it was ok for you all to have lunch in a cafe together (if it fitted in with the charges schedule).

Sorry, its my day for long rambling posts! But anyway, good for you to know that I know someone who makes this situation work.

Well where there's a small house there is often, but not always, less money and therefore nanny needs to be cheaper, which means less experienced, which means younger.

I, for example, am cheaper than blondes, who has about 10 years more experience than I do but I am more expensive than someone with no experience and cost is, for many families, a factor who have said 'I would love you to come work for us but realistically we can't afford you'. That's fine, that's their choice (and mine for charging what I do) but when you have an unlimited budget you can have a fantastic, well-qualified, experienced nanny. Or anything else you fancy!

And this is exactly why I hate the fact that childminder is a protected title but anyone can call themselves a nanny. If we had to be registered, qualified, up to date with first aid and insured then there would be far fewer 19-25 year old Kiwi/Aussie/SA/European girls with a bit of childcare experience calling themselves nannies. [/rant]

ah, but then, frakkinaround, "nannies" would be only for the elite. People with a more modest middle class income would not be able to afford childcare in their home. People from all different incomes have children. If I had a job where I earned loads of money, I wouldn't think twice about paying loads for childcare. The fact is, I can't afford that. But I can't afford not to work, either.

If I had found a "nanny" that would suit our budget, I would have definitely used her. But couldn't find one.

I do see your point, though. I'm a teacher and would be a bit if that happened in my profession, too. Perhaps if they could have another title? Or just be called "At Home Childcarers" or "babysitters with extended hours"? I don't know what it would be. But I can see how calling someone without any training or experience or insurance a "Nanny" quite undermines the profession.

I would have been looking for an "at home childcarer" in my case, not a nanny as I can't afford a real nanny. I use a cm now, and am very, very happy with it.

Butting in on a separate point here, but (am saying this as a South African / British Citizen) if a South African girl without a British Passport works as a nanny for a year, I'd be surprised if she was legally allowed. SA'ns need a visa just to visit, and that specifically excludes you from working. Just wanted to clarify - it's not a "grey" area - it's illegal if they don't have a working visa, and you as employer would be breaking the law and risking serious fines if you didn't make sure the paperwork is completely in order when you employ them. You can't get a working visa as a nanny (I'm talking only about South Africans - EU does not have restrictions).

Anyway, back to OP: I do feel a bit sorry for you, as I understand the problem with a small town having limited play groups etc. From your posts, I can also see that you're not planning on messing around. However, if I were to employ a nanny, I would prefer someone who doesn't do as you propose. Because of the much higher cost of a nanny, I would want to know that the nanny is completely flexible around my and my children's needs. E.g. if I want her to try swimming lessons / days out to different areas etc, I would prefer her to be free to do so.