Gah - two good candidates, but each with glaring faults! WWYD?

[Pennies]

OK candidate no. 1 - heaps of experience with children of all ages, but mainly babies (although has done older children of similar age to mine). She has to date preferred to temp, with only two long term jobs. She is older and has life experience - which we need, but never done nanny / housekeeping, but I think will rise to the challenge well. She's CRB checked and got her NNEB and first aid qualifications. Very strong character that I will have to make sure doesn't dominate over me, even though i also have a strong character. She is more expensive AND wants more money than we're offering (she's used to temp rates) and has agreed a compromise rate, which I think doesn't bode well for her longer term loyalty - loyalty is key here (need her to stay with us through my chemo treatment and beyond, so at least a year).

Candidate no. 2 - first foray into formal childcare. Looks after a mum at school's DD (babysitting, playing with her to give mum a break occasionally) and looks after her nephews. She also used to work for the same mum in an office job. The Mum says she's hardworking and very loyal and highly recommended her. Her CV shows she's stayed in jobs for good periods of time. She seems kind and got on well with the children. However she's younger, and a bit green to it all. We weren't 100% convinced that she wanted to get into childcare, but we didn't feel she'd not get on well once in it IYSWIM. She's a whopping £8k cheaper than no.1.

DD1 liked candidate nno. 2, DD2 liked no. 1. Typical.

There's the option of choosing neither of course, but we've been looking for 6 weeks now and need someone ASAP.

Number 2 - if she's fres and new you can mould her into a good nanny as opposed to the other nanny who you think may dominate you - do you want that when you're feeling ill plus resenting the fact your paying 8k more for her to do this

No 2. You will be well enough to direct a bit, even if from the sofa, and your children are old enough for experience not to matter. MM will help you writing handbooks and stuff but it sounds like no 1 is just too much and not what you need. Plus the 8k is a big saving.

£8k is a lot of money . Or at least it seems like that to me. I'd be thinking, if she is a bit of a worse nanny, at least you can have two amazing holidays to get over it! .

With number 1, when you say very strong character, do you think she had ideas that you'd disagree with, or just strong ideas but you'd be happy with how she does things? If the former, then I think you should definitely go with number 2 - you don't know how you'll be feeling over the coming months, and you don't need confrontations with the nanny, especially with the fear that if she doesn't like it, she could happily go back to temping.

No2!

Our only nanny we had was a first-timer with stints in the navy (!) and office work beforehand. She was amazing. Young and keen and we were able to sort out how we wanted things done with her no bother.

I think the reliability thing sounds the most important for you and the money you would save is also significant! ANd you don't want to be employing someone you are always going to be worrying about leaving you in the lurch!

Intergalactic - strong ideas but I'd be happy with how she does things.

FWIW, no. 1 is our main contender ATM, but the benefits of having someone new to it are as stated here and it makes her very malleable mwhahahahha.

I became a live in nanny to a 2 year old without ever having changed a nappy ir spent much time with children. That was 20 years ago and I still work in childcare, so I do believe we all need a break. But I feel I taking something of a leap of faith and I'm worried the leap is too big.

I'd say No.2 as well. In your OP, I just get the feeling from the way you wrote about her that you'd feel more comfortable with her.

no 2 - being young isnt a fault,she seems to want to get into childcare and least has stayed in jobs

no 1 sounds like she likes temping and not sure she would stay for a year, and you NEED to know you have childcare/help about the house

£8k is a HUGE amount - how young is young?

I'd go for candidate 2.

For the next year you will be up and down - some days you'll feel well enough to get on with everyday things, some days none at all. If you already feel that no. 1 has a strong character that may need reigning in then it will be hard for you to deal with this on the days that you are not well and also hard to get along side by side on the days that you are well. Presumably on the days that you feel good then you'll not want to shut yourself away when nanny is working and you will need to be able to work together.

No. 2's reference has stated that she is hardworking and loyal - just what you will need over the next year. As others have said, she may need a bit of direction but by making sure all her duties are laid out to her and with the help of a comprehensive handbook she will probably be fine. Also your own nanny experience gives you a great grounding for training her up.

I also feel that no. 2 is more likely to stay with you for the whole year - loyalty already mentioned plus the fact that it will be very good experience for her cv. No. 1 I feel, is more likely to leave you in the lurch when she realises that a nanny/housekeeper job is actually harder than pure nannying and she is doing it for less money than she is used to getting for the purely nannying jobs. The last thing you'll be wanting to do mid treatment is to be recruiting again.

That's a good point actually. I think with no 1 you risk the transition from nanny to nanny/housekeeper not working and there being things she won't do whereas no 2 won't know any better.

no 2

i used to help with local mums children etc when i was at school have worked in childcare ever since i learnt from people i worked with before going onto do formal qualifications in childcare

You will be on hand as well if anything is not done as you would be happy with and you can guide her someone who has been working for years may not be open to this and some people do not like to be criticised on what they see as their expertism

I would carry on interviewing tbh

I know you've needed someone for a while but give it another week or so if you can

Best mate thinks no.1 on the basis that she's obviously done it before and will be able to take over 100% when I'm really ill.

Keeping on looking... oh do I have to????

Personally I'd go with no 2

Posted too early there. Only you will know the full circumstances but based off what you'd say I would worry that you could end up with you really ill, no 1 running the show doing things you don't like but you don't have the strength required to argue about it with her (due to her strength of personality) and end up feeling resentful. Whereas if no 2 is able to step up to the plate (and you'll have a better feel than us) she is going to be far more receptive to doing things your way without an argument. And that's before risk risk of no 1 leaving you in the lurch for better money elsewhere.

lol pennies, I know how awful it is (interviewing). I've wanted to give up so many times and despaired when no-one I've liked has turned up. But I would keep going for another week at least just in case you get some more applicants. Tbh, neither seem right in your eyes and it sounds like you're going to have enough worry on your plate over the coming year.

Do you have a dp/dh? Are they helping with the interviews?

No 2. I would not be wanting to deal with someone who has strong opinions if I were ill and tired, and would resent paying them so much if they weren't perfect. I have school age kids and have had some great help from young inexperienced nanny or au pairs..and my worst nanny was a 30yr old with 10 years experience.

We were in a very similar situation recently - looking for help for when DS2 had his surgery - had 2 candidates almost identical to yours.

Went with No 2 and she is our lifesaver

The older, more experienced, more expensive one said she didn't 'do housework' and i think she would have been bored by the job tbh.

The younger, no nanny-specific experience, cheaper, no set ideas about what she would/wouldn't do has been fab.

I'm not sure of your circumstances but i'm a SAHM so didn't need someone to throw in the deep end with 2 young children as i'm around a lot of the time, or just leave her with one while i go out with the other.

No 2 is chilled out, flexible, relaxed, better company for me, helps with any houseworky stuff and we keep extending her contract

Good point millarkie makes about resenting paying them so much. You could have the situation where you are resenting no 1 for being forceful whilst you're paying them so much whilst they resent you because they're paid so little (if you see what I mean, less than she wants) and yet is being told what to do in a way she's not used to

Here is another vote for No.2 - or keep looking. I think that, in your particular situation, it is even more important that you feel really comfortable with the nanny on a personal basis than is the case normally - if she looks after your children well and is generally a pleasure to have around, you will recover that much more quickly. This is primarily about your children - but it is not just about your children but also very much about who will make you feel better on not-so-good days. Did you get any feeling from either nanny about who would be more relaxed about having you around?

No 2, as some one else said, shes young enough to shape the way you want, rather than having someone 'older' who might be set in her ways.

No 2 does seem to be better for you from what you have put so far. No 1 wants more money than you are offering (why did they apply!), so they really are not viable.

Candidate no. 2 has some childcare experience, though not a lot. She has some other job experience so should know about management structure - you being the boss, not her! She has stayed in jobs for a reasonable time period - thus if accepting the job should offer some commitment.

She seems kind and got on well with the children.
That's a good start... your children need to like her but not to the extent where they see her as being a substitute mum.
However she's younger
Is that a bad thing? She isn't a mum replacement if she's young. She is likely to do as she is told, not constantly challenge decisions you make. She may not respond to situations in the way you would but would she respond in an acceptable way in an emergency situation?
She's a whopping £8k cheaper than no.1.
Which can be a big help if there are area's of work which need some assistance. For example, if you are keen on having things ironed then you could have ironing contacted out. If the oven gets in a state, you get an oven cleaning company to come in and get it like new.

Look at the key things you need... For example, do you need someone who drives?
Does she drive? Does she have a car? Has she been driving for a few years? Is she used to the local area? Does she know the places where you children often need transportation to/from?

Can she cook? Would she get your children involved in cooking - helping them bake cakes.

Does she seem quite well organised? I expect you may need someone who is quite well organised, someone who can manage your children's diaries - not forget about meetings at school, school outings, playdate arrangements, able to keep a shopping list going and actually do the shopping if required.

Can you remind us how old your children are. I can't remember

They are 4 & 5. Youngest not in full time school.

I am a SAHM so would be around most days.

I'm amazed at the overwhelming majority here. It certainly gives food for thought.

I'm going to ring a recent employer of no.1 for her view on her. Her strength of character comes out as bubbliness rather than lairyness but I can imagine you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. She's done a lot of maternity nursing so she knows what it's like to be around a family in a state of turmoil with a vulnerable mother (she said she'd worked with families where the mum had PND). I think she'd be fab for arts and crafts, doing creative stuff with the girls, being busy with them.

With no.2 I think I'd have to be suggesting things for them to do all the time and that would annoy me. Altho I suppose she'd get the drift soon enough.

Having a weekly activities routine can soon solve the suggesting things to do issue. School holiday periods are more tricky as she would have both children to keep happy all day. If she knows the area and can transport your children around, then there are many places they could go on outings. If you want creative stuff done, then there are books at the library or info online for art projects they could try.

You haven't given us that much information to go on, thus why I suspect many of us are saying No2 is better. It's from how you have described them so far.

What did your gut instinct tell you when you met them? Did they both fairly quickly start interacting with your girls? Do they have similar educational backgrounds? Do they both live locally (is this a live-out or a live-in position)?

If you went for No2, would that mean you could keep your cleaner?

#2

A activities handbook of favoured things and also a few activity ideas books from Amazon or the activity flash card packs are a fab way for both nanny and your DD to try new things easily.

I suspect #1 would like things her way and that may well not be 100% to your liking and when your ill that is the last thing you need to be fretting about.

As #2 is new to this employment a 'How the House Runs' file would be helpful to her and friends wanting to help, simple A4 notes on laundry, breakfast, lunch, snacks, alarm, car, directions to activities etc will be a godsend and something i have done many times in the past for temp nannies and more baby based for nannies following on after my Maternity Nurse job has ended.

A large diary will help keep the house & children running smoothly.

No 2

No 1 I think would resent the job and feel she was above it. Would most likely not like having you around and would be looking to move on.

No 2 cheaper, younger, malleable and appreciative of the job.