just had a v bad conversation with my nanny

[nowwearefour]

we have a nanny one day a week. she is great, we love her. due to the snowy conditions we have given her 2 fridays off as 'snow days'. she has not offered to take those as holiday or to come in on a different day in lieu, she has simply expected that we will just pay her. that has been fine as my employer and my dh's have given us a day off each to stay at home with dds. we both need to be in work this week when she is due to work. i just made a call to say that if she cant make it then we will need to pay a childminder friend of ours to have the dds so we can go in. she said 'then i will take it a holiday'. i said 'but we cant afford to pay you and pay her and we have already given you 2 extra days off'. she said 'you cant just not pay me'. i said 'well actually i think i can'. anyway in her christmas card is a week's wages as a bonus so she'll be getting that which is in effect her salary for that week anyway. from threads i have read and dicussions i have listened to i believe i can just 'not pay her'. is this right and surely i would then just not give her the bonus (which she knows about) which is tantamount to teh same thing anyway? things are now v v awkward and i cant think she can expect me to just keep on paying her when she doenst come in? we have to trudge nearly 2 miles in the snow to the station and wait around for hours etc to get in. any one got any thoughts?

Havent read the whole thread.But we paid our nanny for three days she did not come and had a discussion regarding the leave she has taken so far. and hiw it is affecting her.Today, it was really really bad and DH went to pick her up and dropped her as we had both important work.I think the job she does involves lot of good will and flexibility on both sides and she has your children when you are not there. If either of you are unhappy this wont work- it is not like any other job i.e., office work etc., But I think most of the problem in any situation arises from lack of communication.

BTW - DH went to pick and drop her and he did say that it was really bad where she lived.On her part she was willing to stay with her sister who lives closeby if it would help us on difficult days so the tavel we make is less during the snow -- It is always give and take.

I live over 6 miles away from work, I've been taking an hours+ bus journey as opposed to a 16min train journey and I've only once been 5 mins late.
It wouldn't occur to me to try and take the day off tbh, I love my job and would do whatever it takes to get in because I know my bosses have to work. Simples.

agree with offering to pick her up - I'd love a lift to work LOL

don't think she should be able to just decide it is a holiday, I'm pretty sure I have to give at least a months notice for any holidays I have to take??

Well this is clearly why I'm not running ICI. I'd be a crap boss as I wouldn't expect snow days to be taken as holiday! It never occurred to me that employers would take precious days out of someone's annual leave because they couldn't get to work due to adverse weather.

notanidea-glad dh managed to pick up your nanny and you could work

Wanted to chip in as have had a nanny my self and my employer has just issued a snow day policy!

In my view, if she were unable to get in to work and you have managed to work round it and not incur any additional expense, I would have paid her as normal. However as you then needed to make alternative arrangements for the 3rd missed day I would only stop her pay if you have had to pay someone else but I think you should have told her first. I think the difficulty is in that due to the stressful time etc you didn;t discuss it when she called for the 3rd time. lets face it no one expected teh snow to be this bad did they?

Try and sit down with her and explain that you cannot afford to pay her and another carer and ask her if she can make the day up (if this would help you) maybe you could work extra hours on a different day to bump up your wages. Good luck.

BecauseImWorthIt, no you are not the only one. I felt the same but didnt bother to post,i 'm sure others did aswell. The thing with these threads is that if someone is furious whatever you say it wont make difference. Those who are happy with their nannies dont post much anyway so what we read here doesnt represent RL.

The way i see it when you employ a nanny you accept that some days you will need back up and yes maybe pay twice-for the nanny and the back up. Or you will have to work in the evening or weekend. I don't like it either but i accept it. It is only couple of days a year and assuming you are earning more than your nanny it wont be the end of the world.

It is not just nannies. Teachers, the postman, the tesco man...It is not their fault. If the tesco man cant deliver then you ll have to eat the tins of the cupboard like everybody else.

I guess I am leaning towards defending the OP here because I think her nanny is taking the mick. 3 weeks she can't show up because of the snow? Or maybe it's because I was raised in Chicago where no one would let a silly thing like a few snowflakes slow them down.

In all of this snow, I have not missed a day of work. Nanny has not missed a day of work (although she is live in and there is no snow inside our house). DH has not missed a day of work. And the kids have not missed a day of school.

One day off... yeah okay. They coped. Second day... they still coped. And then on the tird day when they are all out of compensation from their jobs and on the phone nanny says "fine I'll take holiday" or something to that effect. Now, I would be officially annoyed at that point.

Actually, forget whether or not the day is paid, I would NEED the nanny to be at work just like my boss needs me to be at work.

I do know what it's like to bend over backwards for an ungrateful nanny and it pissed me off. And it made me a whole lot generous than I am to the one I have now because the one I have would never let me down (and I luv her for it!).

CORRECTION:
"...it made me a whole lot less generous than I am to the one ..."

Dawn- thanks for your comments. Actually it was ahead of a possible third day that i did call her and explain in advance- for exactly the reasons you set out. it would be unfair to mention it on the day itself. as it turns out, all the roads are clear, i am sure she will be abnle tomake it and the call and awkwardness was all for nothing. i should have said something the first 2 days and didnt and turns out by trying to do the right thing the third time, i messed up again. i try so hard to have a harmonious relationship and to treat her with respect and in the same way that my employers treat me, is that so wrong? Laquitar- i am not furious at all with the people posting that they would pay for an unlimited number of 'snow days'. I am interested and open to hear whether my views are consistent with the majority or not. I reckon there isnt a majority on this one- very split opinions and i v much value you takng time to post. thanks. i think i do need to sit down and chat it through with her, hope she understands my motives and reasons.

Oh no, i didnt mean at all that you are furious with people posting another opinion. If it came like this is probably because of my english. Sorry.

i am a nanny and i travel from luton to london in the snow and stayed over . i have friends who are nannies one day a week and if they don t go in they don t get paid same as sick only poaid for planned hoilday either side