My nanny is a domestic disaster....

[WashwithCare]

I've hired both nannies I've employed because I thought they were natural with children. Glad to say, both have been fantastic with my 3 yr old, and she loved them both to bits.

However, I used to think it would be hard to find someone less domestic than Nanny 1 - that's till I met Nanny 2.

It's a 30 hr week over 3 days, and sole charge of just 1 3 year old, who goes to preschool for 2 1/2 hrs a week. The agreement was spelled out as solecharge plus nursery duties...

I have to say, if I do ask her to do something specific, like pick up party food for DD's party, she does do it - and she does do my daug's ironing and make her bed without being asked... but pretty much nothing else... - and she has 2 hours a day usually child-free!

The milk from the previous night is still next to my daug's bed when I get home from work, the art drawer is in a mess, the toy cupboard is rarely tidied. She wouldn't pick up her shoes and give them a polish, or tidy her book shelf, or change the sheets on her bed. One week, toys that I left on the lawn stayed there all week...

She never cooks anything more skilled than a baked potato - but most days she will either re-heat my home cooked meals, use the convenience food I would keep for emergencies or feed her snack food, like sandwiches..

She is very good with her, and DD has settled with her very well - but I would also have expected all of the above domestic stuff too... Are my expectations unreasonable?

Any advice on what I am doing wrong would also be helpful. Should I be providing a list rather than expecting her to use her initiative? She is an experienced nanny with over 20 yrs exp, and came with glowing references.

Advice apprecatiated - thanks!

Forgive my ignorance, but why is there an empty cup of bedtime milk left upstairs if your DD is still breastfed?

madamim is clearly not very well informed on usual nanny duties. Tidying up is absolutely fair game. Scrubbing the oven and routine vacuuming, window washing, etc. is not normally a nanny duty (although could be included in a nanny/housekeeper role if for example the nanny duties were not enough to fill all of her hours).

To be honest she sounds like a rubbish nanny! The easiest thing about being a nanny is bonding with the children but it's the other little things we do throughout the day to help the parents that make a great nanny.

With only one 3 year old to look after everything on your list should be done in my opinion. And with a nanny with that much experience you shouldn't have to micro manage her at all. She should be cooking to stock up the freezer and leave your house at the end of the day tidy and clear of all mess that she and your daughter have made throughout the day. I personally would look around for another nanny if you are having a new baby you need support not more hassle.

By clam Sun 17-Jan-10 09:06:12
Forgive my ignorance, but why is there an empty cup of bedtime milk left upstairs if your DD is still breastfed?

lol - at some point I had this idea about encouraging her to wean... she isn't keen on weaning, but was happy to incorporate a glass of milk into her bedtime routine... anything that prolongs staying up, I think!

By nannyj Sun 17-Jan-10 10:16:19
To be honest she sounds like a rubbish nanny! The easiest thing about being a nanny is bonding with the children but it's the other little things we do throughout the day to help the parents that make a great nanny.

Oh dear - I keep thinking getting on with DD is the most important thing....

It's what matters to you. If you are happiest when dd is happy then she's great for you but from stalking occasionally checking this thread it sounds like you need your nanny to do more. Not to the extent of some employers who practically demand that the nursery duties are done even if it involves neglecting the children but a bit more than she has been doing.

Your wishlist is totally reasonable, although I'll admit I need reminding to clean shoes unless it's a weekly chore I've built in, and with 2,5 hours free she should be managing.

If you do want her doing more, review the contract, build in a probationary period where you can give a shorter notice period from the start of the new contract, run through the duties and the disciplinary procedure and prepare to find another one if she doesn't buck up a bit.

Sometimes older nannies think they can pick and choose the bits of the job that suit them. You may find a younger (less experienced) candidate more willing. Of course this isn't always the case and some older nannies are lovely and do anything and some younger ones are lazy little minxes but I find that the more experienced I am the pickier I become but I just don't go for jobs which have elements I don't like. Others take the job and then refuse to do bits because they don't want to.

nannyj's post is spot on. Of course bonding with DD is important. But, playing with children is fun (usually). It is the less interesting parts of the job that make a difference.

As a nanny employer, if you are deciding which bits of the job are most important, then you have already accepted that this nanny is never going to do the whole job... would that be acceptable at your work? It wouldn't at mine.

i think i read somewhere that your nanny hasnt been with you for long?

so sit down and have a chat about stuff in general, do praise her a bit (tho trying it hard to find what you can priase about - she doesnt cook, she doesnt tidy up, what does she do )

yes obv you need and want your nanny to get on/bond/love your children but nannys are meant to be there to help the parent and make life easier and doesnt seem this is the case in your one

To be fair, she has done a bit today. I asked her to change the bed today - the bedroom looks a bit tidier... Also got out DD's cookery cards and left them on the table and she has actually cooked a couple of (very basic) meals...

Also got her to do some xmas thank you cards last week....

She has only been with us a few months, but the upheaval of a change is very off-putting!

Reading back, I now sound like I'm defending her

I suppose the thing is, this isn't my first nanny - I was clear about nursery duties at interview - honest....

She assured me she could cook etc., and made positive comments about her willingness to be helpful etc. She has 20 years of experience, and I took up every reference, and the parents I spoke to were glowing about her... her last employer said she was the best nanny they ever had.

So I guess I wonder where did I go wrong? How come they all seem so happy? And how woudl I not repeat the same mistake again?

nothing wrong with defending your nanny, sounds like she is trying

but still think you need a to have a chat//touch base and tell her what you want done - then there is no excuse

Maybe she got into a routine of just not doing the nursery duties, even if in theory she would be perfectly happy to she assumed you were just doing them and she didn't have to.

Maybe they were people who enjoyed 'managing' their nanny and she's someone who needs to be managed.

And you know how you would avoid it - good clear contract with very specific duties, weekly job list (accompanied by 'I know you might think this is overkill but it's so much easier for me if ew're clear...), weekly chats at first about what's going right/not so right and starting as you mean to go on, which is where I suspect you feel down with this one

She does sound a bit better now but agree with blondes (surprise!) that you still need to have a chat. Make it positive, though, and tell her what a help she's been and how you'd like her to continue/do whatever.

I think a nanny to be called "domestic disaster" after 20y exp its a shame!
A nanny should make the family`s life easier, not to cause stress and constant discution.

theres a suprise agreeing with wonderful me

your nanny takes it too easy i look after g who is nearly 2 now and have had him since 3 months. i do all the washing in household and g ironing. i clean and tidy his bedroom- change sheets ,dust ,sort out toys,deal with nappy bin and old bottles.
i cook for him lots twice a week and fill freezer so i just mircowave when i need it and he only eat my food even when they go away they take it with them. i prepare meals for parents and keep two emergency meals in freezer for them. i make fresh juice every day for their breakfast and evening meal and do food shopping and put away and bake cheesecakes, upside down cakes and biscults (choc brownies) adults only as g not allowed sweet things .
i do activities with g and have friends over and run a little play morning once a week.
i do the drycleaning run and post office and other errands if required. i sweep the garden when covered in leaves. i change the beds in the house and i generally tidy up. we do have a cleaner and she does a deep clean and adult ironing once a week. i also have to babysit twice in the week as in contract. and i only have 2 hours free when g sleeps .