My nanny is a domestic disaster....

[WashwithCare]

I've hired both nannies I've employed because I thought they were natural with children. Glad to say, both have been fantastic with my 3 yr old, and she loved them both to bits.

However, I used to think it would be hard to find someone less domestic than Nanny 1 - that's till I met Nanny 2.

It's a 30 hr week over 3 days, and sole charge of just 1 3 year old, who goes to preschool for 2 1/2 hrs a week. The agreement was spelled out as solecharge plus nursery duties...

I have to say, if I do ask her to do something specific, like pick up party food for DD's party, she does do it - and she does do my daug's ironing and make her bed without being asked... but pretty much nothing else... - and she has 2 hours a day usually child-free!

The milk from the previous night is still next to my daug's bed when I get home from work, the art drawer is in a mess, the toy cupboard is rarely tidied. She wouldn't pick up her shoes and give them a polish, or tidy her book shelf, or change the sheets on her bed. One week, toys that I left on the lawn stayed there all week...

She never cooks anything more skilled than a baked potato - but most days she will either re-heat my home cooked meals, use the convenience food I would keep for emergencies or feed her snack food, like sandwiches..

She is very good with her, and DD has settled with her very well - but I would also have expected all of the above domestic stuff too... Are my expectations unreasonable?

Any advice on what I am doing wrong would also be helpful. Should I be providing a list rather than expecting her to use her initiative? She is an experienced nanny with over 20 yrs exp, and came with glowing references.

Advice apprecatiated - thanks!

you def need a review,if nothing else to tell your nanny to start cooking fresh meals - she has 2.5hrs a day to do it in - so that you dont have to on your day off

i cook every day and often do extra so that mb can have if she wants if db away or freeze for another day

as you havent said anything to the nanny about her lack of cooking/buying frozen pizza etc, she may think it is ok to do it, and thats why she does

WWC - she's taking the p*. I totally sympathise - I'm assertive and organised at work and am totally wussy about being directive at home. And in fact am gearing up for a 'start of the year chat' with my own fab nanny because lovely as she is, it drives me crazy that she leaves my kitchen like a bombsite. And I've been putting it off for months....

I think we get so focused on the dc/nanny relationship that we fail to be assertive enough about the fact that the nanny is actually your employee and is there to do some things for you too. Am not talking about general housework at all, but proper nursery duties. You need to reset her expectations. ANYTHING to do with the kids falls under her list of things to do - their clothes, their rooms, their food.

Did you give her a written job description? I think you need to, since your suggestions aren't working. You wouldn't expect someone in the office to know what they are meant to do without one, so she deserves one too.

In addition, you probably need to give her a weekly list as well of specific tasks for the week, but getting her going with a proper standard job desc should reduce your management burden.

When I was a nanny, nanny duties meant anything that needed doing for the children or to do with them and their stuff, was my job.

Your nanny is being lazy/thoughtless IMO

In a job recently i tightened the loft spiral staircase as M&D aren't diy minded (freely said so) and local handyman busy.

in another i made up the new bed and organised the drawers.

Nursery Duties : laundry, cooking, child tidying, odd bits of general house chores (full bin, dishwasher etc).

Your nanny needs to be told to get with it.

Just write down a list of things you want her to do this weekend and talk to her about it then give it to her. Much better than having to ask her every day/week and then seething when it isn't done. A nanny with 20 years experience can quite easily mean someone who is tired of it all.

Why do you leave milk in the bedroom with your 3-year-old all night? Take it downstairs with you after you've tucked her up in bed. She shouldn't be drinking milk in the night after she's brushed her teeth - it will rot her teet. Leave a cup of water by her bed.
But re. all the other stuff YANBU (except for the leaving the bike out in the garden - that's your fault!).
You do need to make a list, or have a chat with her on a daily/weekly basis about what needs doing. I do this with my nanny and she's always open to suggestions about what to do with the kids.
I understand where you're coming from though - I find it quite awkward to ask my nanny to do things as I always feel like a bit of an upstart for asking, even though I'm paying her ...! It is quite a difficult relationship to get "right," I think. Hope you get this all worked out.

I think you need to chat with her.
She should do the bed sheets etc as a wkly duty that is part of her job.I have always done kids bed sheets and in my job I always have at least one child with me fulltime so dont have the 2.5hrs free time to do it like your nanny
I would write up a list of what needs doing each wk and tell her thats what you need doing.Its up to her how she organises it and what days she does everything but you expect it done by fridays(unless child is sick or something comes up)
As for the milk-I quite often find cups and things lying around and I clean them up.If I am walking passed the cup to go down to kitchen anyway what extra work is it to take the cup regardless of who was on duty when the cup was left.

Mummy dragon -
would it feel easier having a diary and writing it down?
It works for me as the nanny - I just do it when i can(or by a deadline ob), and it works for my boss - no need to remember lots to tell me, and no awkwardness ( cause as you said, sometimes you feel you are asking too much - when in fact it's fine!).
If I can't do something i either reply in the diary or text and explain.

MummyDragon - never heard that concern raised about milk at bedtime before! DD is still breastfed, and like most bf-ing mums I wouldn't dream of getting up to clean teeth after every night feed... I think the risk must be pretty minimal....

Thanks to everyone for their replies... I will pluck up courage and have a chat with her... and normally I am such an assertive line manager at work... but it is harder to do it at home....

WWC - a little perspective. She doesn't sound great but took me a while with mine to realise that what is obvious to others is not obvious to all and not all of us like big chats.

So as per suggestions above I leave notes e.g. can you change sheets today (and all fridays), ingredients in fridge to make fish fingers, shepards pie etc. please freeze rest. - I try not to give out more than 2 or 3 things at once; most stick, the odd one gets forgotten and remind again. Generally works well.

You wouldn't be too happy at work if folk were looking to replace you and you hadn't had the feedback. You will also feel so much better when things pick up.

ps. She may not also be clear what you really want; there are folk (amazes me but there you go) that want their children fed from jars, packets etc.

i agree k75,as i said , washwithcare hasnt said to nanny dont feed/buy pizza etc so maybe she thinks you dont mind

us nannys are fab, but we cant mind read

a few simple notes like use mince to make shep pie/lasagne etc might help

how long has your nanny been with you?

Talk to her. Tell her what you want/expect. Listen to any thoughts she has on what is reasonable and agree on a tasklist. She obviously hasn't understood what you're after and maybe that's because she's lazy/has low standards or maybe it's because you haven't communicated your needs very well. Either way you need to carry on communicating. It's unfair to expect her to miraculously know what's expected in your home. You need to spell it out and give her feedback, even if it feels uncomfortable.

I think you should menu plan for your child and give the plan to your nanny each week. That way you will have all the right ingredients for what needs to be cooked.

If you ask her to cook double and freeze the other half then either there will be meals prepared for the days when the nanny is not working - less work for you - or the nanny will not have to cook from scratch every day - less work for her and more time for other tasks.

Re the laundry, I agree with previous poster - Day 1 wash sheets, Day 2 wash clothes, Day 3 iron it all and put it away.

Dress it up if you like as "my new plan to get everything organised for 2010".

Remember to give her lots of positive f/bk about the things you appreciate ie being great with your child.

i think it is reasonable to allow your nanny to take a 20 minute break during the day to recharge a bit though.

only 20 minutes... gee you're a hard task master!

Thanks to everyone for all the advice.

All sorted?

Much better thanks.

Just posting here helped me think it through...

Nanny cooked tea tonight, and I picked out some useful stuff for her to run with.

Also thought about some me time and just let nanny carry on while I felt guilt free - bliss

Thanks guys....

washwithcare - glad nanny seems to be making an effort - maybe she is on here?

nothing wrong with having me time

washwithcare, I'm sorry but she is a nanny, she is there to look after your child, not clean up your shit, if thats what you want hire a cleaner

madamim thats a bit harsh - WWC wasnt asking her nanny to clean her house, just keep tidy the rooms her charge uses

ie playroom/bedroom,kitchen, to chnage the bed and cook some healthy meals that WWC can use on her day off, considering WWC nanny does get 2hrs a day free time when her charge is at nursery

she shouldnt have to change her bed, she is not her mother, also wwc should cook her childs meals her self she is after all her mother.at the end of the day wwc is the mother, these are her jobs not her nannys, and so what if the child is at nursery she still not employed to do her scrubbing.

you obv have never employed a nanny

the average professional nanny will agree to do nursery duties as part of their job

this generally includes anything to do with the child, so washing+ironing the childs clothes, cooking healthy nutrious meals for them,changing the bed, tidying areas that they use

this is the job of a nanny, and if there wasnt a nanny then would be the job of the parents

maybe wwc didnt make this clear to her nanny, and when discussing a contract, these duties should be included in the contract, just so both nanny and employer knows what is expected of them

saying that the nanny wwc has over 20years exp, so she should know what is in her job spec

i dont do any nursery duties as at the interview, mb said she and db would do them (i work 3 days) but obv if there is a load of washing in machine i will put in tumble dryer etc

madamin- actually most nannies are employed to do 'nursery duties' (children's laundry/ ironing/ changing bedding, cooking from fresh, etc).
If you have no knowledge of a nanny's duties, it is probably best not to reply.

what the others said madamin

I bloomin' love cooking, in fact I can't wait until my current charge is older so that I can cook to my hearts content!

he's only 5 months atm, so erm, a while yet but y'know, looking to the future and all that jazz!

not a huge fan of bedchanging but obviously, will do it as it is part of my nursery duties, in regards to things that aren't actually nursery duties, such as emptying the dishwasher/letting the dog out for a wee/etc I do them because I'm in the house and I see they need to be done - on the flipside of this, my MB lets me go early sometimes or invites me to have a glass of wine with her at the end of the week... these things aren't part of my job spec nor things that are expected of an employer but y'know, give and take and what not!