It's not working out with the AP

[ClaraZ]

Our au pair has been with us for four weeks and it's just not working. She has sole charge of a four-year-old for three days a week while I am at work. I don't feel she has bonded with him at all. She seems to resent doing any housework and does it badly. I don't think she can cook, although she tells me she can. She hardly communicates with us at all. I am going to give her two weeks' notice, but I'm not proposing to pay her for those two weeks because I won't ask her to do any work. Has anyone else had to sack their au pair? I'm really not looking forward to it, but I think it has to be done.

Mmm, au pair is strictly speaking not an employee. Also, in spite of what some people think the term 'au pair' certainly does still exist and is still recognised by the Home Office, however, there are no restrictions anymore on EU au pairs (except those of Romania and Bulgaria). All au pairs we place have received a 'Letter of Invitation' of the host family which clearly outlines their duties and rights. In your case, I think that you should pay the au pair the two weeks notice period. However, before getting rid of her and having your child needing to get used to somebody else again, is there no way to resolve the situation? It is a pity you didn't go through an agency because mediation is one of the roles an agency can perform. Why not have a chat, I would first try to find out if she feels happy, asks how she thinks things are going, and then come with clear examples of things she has done well and not well and a plan to how she can improve. You could set this out in a kind of 'Letter of Invitation'. I don't think that this is just about the au pair and you but also your four year old ... In most cases there is a solution IMO.

you can do what you like but she is not going to have anything good to say about you - we have had a similar situation with a live-in housekeeper (stealing around £500 over a period of several months) and still paid her in lieu on the understanding that she would vacate immediately.

that way, you pay to get rid of her with the min awkwardness. she must have friends to stay with from among her community (they v often have you know). other alternative would be to buy her a cheap flight home!!!

since our bad experience, we never agree to people moving in from the start even if it is a bit of a hassle for all concerned. we structure it as a perk for once the probationary period is up. this ensures that less people are interested but eliminates many of the sour-faced freeloaders who are just in it for the granny annexe in a nice part of London

Treesa - I agree with absolutely everything in your last post (well except how good agencies are) and acknowledge that the bit about Romanians and Bulgarians was new to methe bit I am disagreeing with was your assertion that au pairs are not employees, as "workers" they have almost all the rights of an employee, contract, paid leave, notice period etc. Just about the only one they don't have is the right to paid maternity leave!

Yes was up playing Santa, kids had a great time thanks - hope all your family enjoyed Christmas as well.

Well, she has gone! Today she went. We had the talk, more than two weeks ago (subsequent to the first talk about four weeks ago), and by mutual agreement it was decided she could stay until she found somewhere else. She got one week's paid notice (she was paid weekly so that seemed fair) for not working and flexibility over her moving out date, so she did get free accommodation to suit her. She flounced out today (true to form) and even gave me a lecture about how the fault was all mine and none hers.

Tispity, thanks for your post, and I know she will have nothing good to say about me but I don't have anything good to say about her either, although she is demanding a reference. I see that you had a bad experience, and it is terrible when you trust someone to come into your home and they just work against you instead of with you. As for stealing, that is criminal, but I guess lack of evidence?

And thanks dikkertejap, we tried the talking thing.

She wouldn't tell me anything about where she was going (nearly bit my head off, in fact, when I asked) but I know she has signed up for a "nanny course" which comprises a whole weekend, followed by another weekend of first aid, and then she will be touting herself as a fully qualified nanny, with commensurate salary. I did tell her that there are 'colleges' in London that are more intetested in taking your fees than teaching you anything, but of course she never wanted to listen to me. She wouldn't tell me where the college was, she just said "I don't know, my friend says...." Anyway, before anyone starts telling me (again) that I have been abusing this poor girl - she is shrewd, and has the skin of a rhinoceros.

Anyway, I don't think anyone wanting to employ a nanny would be happy with such minimal "training".

Clara - I was wondering how this one would work out. Good news for you that she has gone and now you have to put the whole sorry episode behind you. For weeks after our au pair left, the outright lies she told the agency really got to me. Then I realised that it didnt matter what she said/ thought.

I guess at the end of the day; they are still young and have lots to learn. I think you were very kind to let her stay. We simply gave ours the airfare home.