New Nanny - Teething Worries

[Spikesmum]

Hi there
I am returning to work on Monday, leaving my 7 month old DS with a live in nanny, who arrived two weeks ago. I have some niggling concerns, and since I am new to this, wondered if anyone could help me consolidate them?

1. Upon arrival, I gave our nanny a "manual" for DS, giving info about food, routine, washing etc. She is not doing some of the things in the prescribed way. The important stuff that she has ignored, I have addressed. Am I petty to insist that she does DS's laundry in the way I have asked (and not to mix colours/whites, not to tumble dry everything instead of air drying)?

1. I have a couple of pre-planned (and paid for) activities lined up for DS during the week and the nanny is free to do what she likes for the rest of the time. There's a kitty of cash at her disposal. How much is reasonable to leave her with, on a weekly basis with a 7 month old, not including transport? I pay her mileage separately and have paid for her car insurance.

1. Also, how much is reasonable for a nanny to spend on lunch out for herself, with a seven month old - if there is loads of food at home and she has the run of the fridge/larder (and she has taken a packed lunch for DS)?

I guess we are just bedding in together but I want to strike the balance between not micro managing and not being taken for a ride!

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long questions.

I wouldn't rule out gumtree either. I know it's an absolute pain to check through the CVs and wade through the dross replies you will get but I've found 2 of our best nannies through there (also in SW London).

Gumtree and nannyjob are good places, but definitely get the agency involved to find you a replacement, which should be free (and call her previous referees to inform them/check whether they had similar problems).

Stealing is completely unacceptable in any form but especially when you have such a huge amount of trust in you as a nanny as someone is trusting you with their money, their children and their house!

Personally I wouldn't care about making her homeless in this situation. I know that's harsh and sometimes I come on here sayng 'oh give them the benefit of the doubt/don't kick them out' but she deserves it.

Spikesmum she needs to produce reciepts for the whole amount tomorrow or pay it back and if she has a weeks termination clause then give her notice of a week.

Where she goes after making good on the kitty shouldn't concern you really as she could spin a story as she seems to be doing.

What did she actually feed ds if not the food you had made?

Blondes maybe ex mb took the nutella ad to heart

you must be right mnp - apparently nutella is good and healthy - wtf?

If she was being let go due to no fault of her own - say you lost your job and no longer required childcare - then you should give her a week's pay. But, actually, she is being fired for theft and insubordination and probably a myriad of other failures and has consequently cause you a lot of money and extra work. So I can't see that you owe her a week's pay, unless you trust her enough to work the week for that pay, but I certainly wouldn't.

You should probably tell the agency that she is financially incompetant. Can't manage her own or yours and it resulted in theft.

But, of course, she is going to be mighty pissed off when you do this so it's obviously necessary to get her key and have her out of the house when you tell them this.

Am I the only one who thinks that some of the opinions on here are just a little harsh? I think that the nanny acted improperly in taking the money (and the lunch story earlier shows that there are some money management issues) but, to me, theft is when a person takes something without any intention of giving it back. In this case, the nanny told the Op that she took the money and would repay it by the end of the week. I would not regard this as theft. I would make it very clear to her that I would not like her to take money from the kitty for personal purposes from now on and I do expect to be repaid by Friday but I would not fire her on those grounds.

See now I think theft is when someone takes something without permission. I suppoe I'd cut her a little bit of slack for saying "hey, I've taken this and will pay you back". But I would retract that slack when she lied to my DH about having spent it on our son. And, really, how does one spend £70 on a baby for the week?

I see the theft more as the final straw, to be honest. If it was the only failing of this nanny I'd be more compassionate. But, refusing to feed the food I asked her to feed my child would send me through the roof.

And I've just reread the OP and realised the nanny is paid mileage and has her insurance paid for. Is this normal? My nanny doen's have a car so I'm not sure what the norm is here. But I would have though that mileage covers wear and tear, insurance, etc.

Mileage allowance payment includes contribution to all running costs of the car. So I wouldn't have expected car insurance to be paid on top.
However, this is a livein job and if were needed as part of the job then I would have thought that a car would be provided. The arrangement may have been that the nanny provides the car but all costs were paid by the employer. However suspect that would fall under taxable benefit so may have tax/ni implications.

Nutella is so nutricious they had to pull the ad that claimed it was nutritious: here on Sky

I have in my contract that extra insurance expenses are covered by the employer (ie to have business insurance) but it's the same price with my insurer anyway so never had to use that clause!

I'm with athene here, theft is taking something without permission. It's also just giving into temptation - the money is there, it's not doing anything, no-one will notice if I 'borrow' some so why should I give it back....and they don't need this or that so I'll just use it....

Slippery slope really. OP did your nanny voluntarily own up to the borrowing and did she have any cause to believe you would check her expenditure? Because if she was only telling you because she might have been caught out then I would seriously worry. What did she need the money for anyway?! She's live-in, so has no rent or bills, apart from possibly mobile, and presumably you feed her as well so what's the wage you're paying her weekly going on that she needs your kitty money as well? Either she's in severe financial difficulties (which would worry me as she's live in and presumably traceable to your address and could ruin your credit rating) or she's just acquisitive. I don't know which is worse.

And yes, I probably am being harsher than necessary, but a short, sharp lesson is needed here I feel.

Athene, I couldn't believe how in France so many kids eat french bread and Nutella and chocolate milk for breakfast! Then their school lunches are INCREDIBLE. Things like grilled salmon with a rucola salad and cous cous, apricot tarte tatin, yoghurt and fruit, bread and cheese... then they eat another decent dinner at home. No overweight children in the town my parents live in. I guess it's a case of everything in moderation! I have to say though it is crazy cute seeing 24 fabulously dressed 4 year olds all sat round little tables eating a 4 course meal with no fuss, drinking out of little glasses, chatting nicely. What a difference to the zoo that my old charges in London went to LOL

Sorry for the hijack

thenewbornnanny - what's wrong with two cooked meals a day?

Absolutely nothing catepilarr, my point was that the French children in my parents town eat a lot of food, including the dreaded (LOL) Nutella, and none of them are overweight. I think the reason they are so healthy is that they eat a wide variety of foods, and even though Nutella isn't a hugely healthy food it doesn't do any harm at all in a wide and varied diet.

aha, get your point ;)
whereas many children in the uk eat crap all day long ;)

Your forgot gouter thenewbornnanny - that's practically a meal in itself, usually composed of pain au chocolate/brioche with chocolate/other sugary goodness and sometimes a fruit compote if you're lucky!

Sadly the UK childhood obesity rate would indicate so.

OMG I love gouter my favourite meal of the day LOL

thenewnanny - btw i have noticed that generally people in the uk eat less than we are used to /i am czech/ and i think /dont know any statistics/ we have less obese people too.

sorry for the hi jack -all my fault - well actually my ex mb as she gave them the chocolate spread!!!

SPIKESMUM - what have you decied to do?

i didnt relise your nanny lived in, so she prob doesnt have rent/mortgage/many other bills so what on earth did she borrow steal the £50 for?

saying that, even if she did live out.she still shouldnt steal the kitty