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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Socialising With Childminder.... good idea or recipe for disaster!?

36 replies

Toothache · 31/05/2005 08:58

dd has been with this Childminder for 2 or 3 months now. Prior to that ds and dd were in the same Nursery together (got too expensive... long story).

Anyway, all in all I have been happy with her. Although DH isn't happy about it at all. A couple of mornings he's been dropping dd off he's had to hand her over to the Childminders DH who just says "She's on her way down, she's just dressing *(her 2 yr old ds)".

DH has had a really bad feeling about this. I'm a bit more laid back about it than him though.

Anyway.... back to the point.... She has invited me to night out with her and I don't know what to do. I said Yes coz it does sound like a good night!

But now I'm thinking would it be better to keep the relationship totally professional? Or is it a good thing to spark up a friendship with my Childminder.

Has anyone else become friends with there childrens carer?

TIA

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MarsLady · 31/05/2005 09:21

keep it professional. less chance of misunderstanding in the future and it protects you both from taking advantage of each other. imo

Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 09:22

Thats kind of what I'm swaying towards.... but she's clearly making an effort to spark up a friendship. [concerned emoticon]

OP posts:
MarsLady · 31/05/2005 09:27

be friendly etc but plead busyness, tiredness. It's a fine line to thread and you've only been using for services for a short time. Imagine if you get really friendly and then there's a miscommunication about hours or rate.... not good

Mosschops30 · 31/05/2005 09:46

Message withdrawn

slartibardfast · 31/05/2005 09:52

People at work have to decide similar things all the time - which, if any, colleagues they will socialise with - including their own managers and others they manage: these work relationships are always in the background, but best to decide on normal social grounds imho - will you enjoy an evening in this person's company?.

blossom2 · 31/05/2005 09:53

It doesn't always have to end in a disaster. I'm still good friends with our childminder, however it is strange that she has initiated the friendship.

I would keep it professional unless you were really happy with her. I also find the 'she'll be down in a moment' a bit strange. My childminder was always there when i droped off DD and when she really was getting dressed, her DH always asked me to wait.

MarsLady · 31/05/2005 09:54

go with your gut toothy!

Aero · 31/05/2005 09:58

In this case, (and in most others) I'd also say keep it professional but mainly because there are slight misgivings on the part of your dh about the business side of the relationship anyway.
Having said that, I am registered to childmind though haven't worked since just before ds2 was born, but the last people I minded for were so lovely and the mum and I struck up a lovely friendship and still meet from time to time with the kids, though not on nights out etc. In our case though, there is complete trust and respect for each other on both sides. So I guess though we meet outside of actual minding, it's still to do with the kids, but friendships can work out, but I'd usually advise against in nearly all cases, just because problems can and do occur unfortunately.

Aero · 31/05/2005 10:00

Yes, agree marsy - gut feeling important here. Go with that.

Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 10:04

turmoil

OP posts:
Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 10:05

It's not for another 6 wks or so, so maybe I'll just see hgow it goes until then.

Also, it's my Ds's 4th birthday party at the end of June. There will be 2 or 3 kids there about the same age as her ds.... d'you think I should invite her ds along?? Dd (10mths) seems to really like him and I could do with the numbers TBH!

OP posts:
MarsLady · 31/05/2005 10:09

toothy you are going down a slippery slope. Remember, your DH isn't too happy with her at the moment. Keep that bit of professional space. See how things pan out.

blossom2 · 31/05/2005 10:12

agree with marslady ... slippery slope. she might take it the wrong way and then you wont have an excuse if you don't want to socialise with her ....

catgirl · 31/05/2005 10:57

we have a great childminder and socialise with her and her family occasionally, but always as a family. If you have six weeks, then plenty of time to see what happens between now and then (I am a wimp about these things)! Also, I would invite her child to your dd's party - our childminder and family came to our son's party last year, and I can't imagine a family occasion without them now (that is how great she is).

Have to say, she always answers the door to us (but her youngest is 8), but I wouldn't be worried by that personally - is that your DH's only concern? Have taken so long to type this that you have probably been and come back on your night out by now!

Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 11:06

lol catgirl! Yes that is DH's only concern. I just don't like saying no to a night out eh?"

OP posts:
catgirl · 31/05/2005 11:14

why not inviter her and her ds to the party and see how it goes? I have a 2 year old so can sympathise at 'on her way down', (as I am sure you can) - should happen less and less though I guess (surely my ds will be able to dress himself by age 15?? ). You can always make a last minute excuse on the day/day before. Your DH might form a different opinion of her if he sees her in a more relaxed situation (can a 4 year old's party be called relaxing though?), rather than a hurried morning drop-off. Hope that makes sense!

Sponge · 31/05/2005 11:37

I wouldn't worry about handing them over to the childminder's dh myself. And it's not as if she's not dressed, she's just getting her son ready and we all kknow how hard it can be to persuade a 2 year old to get moving in the morning.
I would be more concerned handing my kids over to an 8 year old, especially iof the reason given was that the childminder wasn't dressed. In fact I wouldn't do it.
I'm not sure I'd go out with her just yet though. Depends how much you think you like her really.

Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 11:53

Sponge - We don't actually know if thats what she's doing though. That's just what her DH told my DH.

OP posts:
MarsLady · 31/05/2005 11:57

toothy where do you live? I'll come out with you.

Make a decision woman then don't check this thread again cos you're bobbing about like a ship with no anchor.....

UKMickey · 31/05/2005 12:05

Thank you but no thank you .... disaster

Original poster
Toothache · 31/05/2005 12:05

So true Marslady! I'll be back to check it nearer the time.

OP posts:
MarsLady · 31/05/2005 12:07

I don't expect to see you on here again young lady. Consider yourself told! Grrrrrr

bigdonna · 31/05/2005 22:50

hi toothache,i am a childminder and think you can really like and enjoy spending time with your childminder but it will be a mistake to get to involved.As with your sons party i would always invite my mindees as my children class them as part of there family.we also get invited to there parties.

mummylonglegs · 31/05/2005 22:56

Message deleted

expatkat · 31/05/2005 23:23

I think it's all down to individual temperaments. I've always been friendly with my kids' nannies, but the last one they had was a genuine friend. She was young but incredibly mature; we shared the same interests; and we seemed to admire each other. When she left we both cried buckets of tears and we e-mail about once a week. I have a certain temperament as an employer that probably lends itself to friendships with employees, and she was mature enough to do her job incredibly well & handle our friendship. There were no negative consequences for us.