Socialising With Childminder.... good idea or recipe for disaster!?

[Toothache]

dd has been with this Childminder for 2 or 3 months now. Prior to that ds and dd were in the same Nursery together (got too expensive... long story).

Anyway, all in all I have been happy with her. Although DH isn't happy about it at all. A couple of mornings he's been dropping dd off he's had to hand her over to the Childminders DH who just says "She's on her way down, she's just dressing *(her 2 yr old ds)".

DH has had a really bad feeling about this. I'm a bit more laid back about it than him though.

Anyway.... back to the point.... She has invited me to night out with her and I don't know what to do. I said Yes coz it does sound like a good night!

But now I'm thinking would it be better to keep the relationship totally professional? Or is it a good thing to spark up a friendship with my Childminder.

Has anyone else become friends with there childrens carer?

TIA

[feelingold]

I am a childminder and although I am friendly with my mindees parents eg have a chat or occasional coffee when they pick up, I would not socialise on an evening out with them.
My kids go to my mindees birthday parties and they come to theirs but this is as far as it goes.
I think a professional but friendly relationship is the way to go IMO.

[KatieMac]

I socialise with some of my mindees parents and not with others.

I don't find I'm taken advantage - but it has been suggested (both on MN & elsewhere) that I'm a stroppy opinionated madam - so you'd have to be brave to take advantage of me.

Some of my parents (esp younger ones) use my as a bit of an advisor, and other help me with advise of their own - there are alos those i go out & get drunk with (well they get drunk I don't cos of the ME/IBS/etc)

So it takes alsorts - if you are at all uneasy or unsure make an excuse - then if at a later date it feel comfortab;le - go for it

[KatieMac]

BTW very unhappy about the dh taking your child - is he registered? If not the contact with him should be quite minimal

Would your boss be ok about you being late for work (yes I know she is SE - but still)

[Bonkerz]

Im a childminder and am very good friends with all the parents. I go out with one mum and the other set of parents even babysit my son for me on occassion. I did know the parents before i started minding for them but we did not socialise like we do now. I made sure we all talked before i started minding and that is why we have a contract!! The parents know i am a professional but they also know i am a good friend too. It has been a little difficult to discuss issues but thats soon over riden. Id say go for it. It may help if you get to know the childminder better.

[uwila]

I think it depends on your personalities. I suppose it's a bit different because we don't use her anymore (because we moved and have a nanny), but I consider DD's old childminder to be a friend. AndI would have been friends wiith her when DD was going to her if I'd ever had a moment away from work.

Also, her husband would sometimes look after DD. I considered this a good thing because I found comfort in knowing that DD was spending her day in a house where all present could take an interest in her welfare. Childminder's husband was well suited to do this (though not a registered childminder). But, sometimes I would call to say I was going to be late and she would say she had to leave but her DH could look after DD until I got there. This was definitely a plus for me not a problem.

[Mum2Luke]

I think I would be friends with aprents but not actually go out for a drink, I like to keep it business-like as well, we are supposed to be professionals in our daily capacity and what we do at weekends is for our private life.

I do socialise with other childminders at weekends as they are my friends as well and we can relax and not talk 'shop' as it were.

I think its best to keep it to a friends-only relationship but thats my personal point of view.

[star1976]

Whether or not you go out depends on the relationship that you have with the parents (IMO). Def would never have my partner answer door and expect mum to hand child over to him though!!!

Mindee 1 has been coming to me since December and her pick up has slowly grown so that her mum now comes in and chats for at least 20 mins (sometimes an hour) before she actually takes her DD home.

I invited mindee, and parents to my birthday party in March (at our house) and mindee and mum came and we had a really good laugh.

Recently the mum told me about a chance for free membership at a local gym, which we both managed to get, and now she has asked if I want to go with her whenever we can? I am going to go with her and don't think there is anything wrong with that.

To be honest this mum is the most reliable that I have, the only one that ALWAYS pays on time and always calls if going to be late for pick up (even if just by 10 mins).

Invited her out for a drink when my sister came to visit a few weeks ago and she couldn't make it, but asked me to invite her if we go out again!

Waffled on there I know but point it I think it very much depends on the circumstances. (Not just me being desperate cause I have no friends, even though I don't).

[star1976]

Whether or not you go out depends on the relationship that you have with the parents (IMO). Def would never have my partner answer door and expect mum to hand child over to him though!!!

Mindee 1 has been coming to me since December and her pick up has slowly grown so that her mum now comes in and chats for at least 20 mins (sometimes an hour) before she actually takes her DD home.

I invited mindee, and parents to my birthday party in March (at our house) and mindee and mum came and we had a really good laugh.

Recently the mum told me about a chance for free membership at a local gym, which we both managed to get, and now she has asked if I want to go with her whenever we can? I am going to go with her and don't think there is anything wrong with that.

To be honest this mum is the most reliable that I have, the only one that ALWAYS pays on time and always calls if going to be late for pick up (even if just by 10 mins).

Invited her out for a drink when my sister came to visit a few weeks ago and she couldn't make it, but asked me to invite her if we go out again!

Waffled on there I know but point it I think it very much depends on the circumstances. (Not just me being desperate cause I have no friends, even though I don't).

[glitterball]

from experience I would definitely include cm's children in birthday party invites (provided they are similiar age of course, not if teenagers!) I would even consider meeting up at a child related venue with own children and childminders, but am not sure would go out for an evening with cm - not sure why but to me that seems to be taking the relationship a step too far

tbh have often felt those looking after my children don't see eye to eye with me over my parenting skills so have personally tried to avoid situations where this ould be up for discussion... maybe thats just my own paranoia!

[star1976]

Surely a professional childminder wouldn't actually discuss your parenting skills with you anyway? Or even drop subtle hints about what you are doing 'wrong' (in their opinion).

I know that I wouldn't say anything even if my style of parenting varied greatly from that of a mindee's parents!

As childminders it is our job to provide care consistant with the child(ren)'s parents, and to meet their needs and wishes. If we have a serious problem with how someone wants us to provide care, we shouldn't be looking after the child???

Or is that just me being relatively new to this and rather naive?

[MaureenMLove]

I'm a childminder and personally I try not to get too involved with parents. I don't invite any of my mindees to dd birthday parties. If her birthday falls on a day when I'm minding, then we have a specoal birthday tea then. I wouldn't invite any of the parents out for an evening either. I have accepted invites to christenings and weddings from them though. I think its important to keep it separate tbh. As for the dh taking your lo from the door, that is just not acceptable.