I feel so ruthless!

[GwarchodwrPlant]

I've just had to terminate one mindee (part-time) to make space for a full-timer and mum didn't take it too well on the phone!

I feel a bit bad about it and sorry that I have lost a lovely little lad but I am a business and I need to think of my finances.

This is a crap part of the job that I hate. I've written a letter to give to the parents of the mindee tomorrow. What do you think?

Dear Mr and Mrs G,

I refer to my telephone conversation with Mrs G yesterday and it is with regret that I must give notice to terminate the contract for the care of X.

I hope you will understand that as I am running a business, I have to give priority to the clients who wish to take up a full-time position.

As stated in the contract a 4-week notice period is agreed from today until the 23rd September 2009.

I really regret losing X so soon, just as we were getting to know one another. X is such a sweet, affectionate and bright boy with a fearless character and I will miss him a great deal.

I would like to thank you both for your custom and for giving me the opportunity to look after X.

Kind regards

Yours sincerely

GwarchodwrPlant.

pisces moon - the OP waited nearly a whole daybefore revealing on here that the parents were aware of her intentions if a full time child came along - hence she got jumped on a bit!

and for what its worth although i understand what she did and why and actually agree she did ntohign wrong, I do think the letter with its original wording will inflame the situation - its about politics when your reputation is at stake

I think the letter could be a bit more friendly.

I'm smiling wryly to myself at all the comments about "this is why I use a nursery".

Take off your rose-tinted specs! Nurseries are far more ruthless business-like and they are perfectly capable of doing exactly the same thing. The first and last time I ever used a nursery, when my boy was a year old, the nursery did this to me and I have anecdotal evidence from parents that it's not the only nursery to do it.

I think the problem is parents using childcare know its a business, but like to think as they adore their kids the childcarer will naturally adore their kids too

and then they are surprised when the nursery/childminder/nanny makes a decision based on whats best for them, not what suits the parents

I've worked in childcare for years and whilst you do get close to the children you always treat the job as just a job and a lot of the parents don't realise the way they treat you can affect how much effort you put into the job, being treated like a doormat/paid late or in dribs and drabs is so , and especially that old chestnut, late time keeping!

looking after other peoples children for a pittance (£3 an hour around here) can be sole destroying when parents don't understand you are working for the benefit of your family JUST THE SAME AS THEM!!, not because you can't wait to see their children on a Monday morning

I think that sums it up perfectly ssd. CM are running a business, it isn't a question of loving DCs, being at home anyway and earning pin money.

But aren't there different types of business? I mean, imagine RyanAir trying to run nurseries or old people's homes. It just wouldn't work. Some businesses have to be more humane than others, surely?

There isn't anything inhumane about OP, she made it clear that she preferred full time and would take in preference-and then she did it. You are humane within the business, but you are entitled to be just as business like as any other business.

Yes, but I share the doubts of the other people that she was not entirely straightforward about whether she warned the parents beforehand or not. There was no preference to a prior understanding or agreement in the letter. If she warned that this was a possibility, then OK, fair enough. If she led them to believe they had a permanent place in order to get them through the door and get some temporary money off them while she was waiting for a better offer, and then pulled the rug on them, then that's a bit nasty imo.

sorry, meant to type reference.

I don't think parents who use childcare have any problems with putting their children first and doing whatever is best for their families, even if it impacts negatively on their childcare provider - but they seem suprised that a childminder would do the same.

BTW I have had the reverse - I had the kids in an after-school club on a permanent f/t basis for a few years, and then a clique took over the management of the club in a nifty manoeuvre, and because they only wanted odd days here and there for limited hours (so they could pop to the supermarket or the hairdressers or Pilates and so on rather than because they were in work), they said it was so over-subscribed we all had to have a ration of places and all the f/t people had to compromise 'so it was fair'. So our family got Tuesdays and Fridays or something like that, just announced, with no reference to our working patterns or anything. They also brought in a reduced rate for (their older) kids just staying after the free clubs the school ran (eg netball) so this would let them plonk their kids in free clubs and then just pay for the time afterwards until 6pm (even though technically the after school club staff had to be in loco parentis for their kids on the school site from 3.30-4.30 as well). My kids were not allowed to join most of these clubs as they were too young, so could not benefit from a reduced rate.

We were told of the new arrangements a week before school went back, and couldn't oust the new regime until the AGM in November. The result of this was that all the f/t working parents had to pull their kids out of the club in favour of getting au pairs and so on, to get some sort of reliable childcare, and the club then had patchy attendance with practically no kids there on a Friday, and financially it nearly folded.

I think the committee were pretty nasty in booting the full timers out, as many of them had used it since the age of four and were used to the set up, and their parents were forced into finding home based childcare at practically no notice, so a bunch of yummy mummies could get manicures and nice backsides (excuse my cynicism).

Insult to injury, when I went back to them and told them that a two day a week place was no use at all for me as I worked f/t and had no relatives locally, meaning I would have to get an au pair anyway, they tried to tell me I still had to pay for the place as I had asked for childcare. I pointed out I only wanted a f/t place, as I said on the form, and they had offered me something useless. Finally I managed to get them to give in but it took a lot of determination.

Flipping nightmare, childcare.

Picesmoon and ssd have summed it up perfectly.

"CM are running a business, it isn't a question of loving DCs, being at home anyway and earning pin money. "
I use a CM. I'm not under any illusions that she does it for the love of it and of course it is her business. However she is providing a service and I do expect a quality service as I pay her a significant proportion of my earnings (£9 hr for two DDs ). For me, and for most mothers, quality in this context means it should be reliable and long-term (unless circumstances change beyond anyone's control). Unless you specifically told her when you took her on that her child would be ousted in favour of any future full time mindees, I think she has every right to be annoyed. Yes, you have a business, and are of course are vwithin your rights to do what you have done. But I think she also is within her rights to think she has received poor service and to let others know of her dissapointment.

the op did warn the mum she would be taking on a full times if one came along

which she did

end of

I'm not convinvced she did tell the parents that they would be blown out for a full timer. But maybe I'm just cycnical.

As a part time working mum I certainly wouldn't choose a CM who told me that my child's place with her was so tenuous; I need reliable consistent childcare so I can fulfil my obligations to my employer, so I find it strange that anyone would choose a CM with such uncertain conditions attached.

'childcare should be reliable and longterm'.. relaible most definatly.. long term, not sure what that means, long term for you until you decide to give notice or eternal for the CM because thats what your children deserve and you expect.

Nothing is 'long term', its all in the contract that you BOTH sign and thats 4 weeks usually.

Parents and CM should furfil the contract and give due notice of termination which is what she did...

Frankly giving up the will to live on this one now.

also to Articlemming, most CMs are mothers too and have to act in the best way to protect their OWN children first and foremost.

If that means that in this bad economic climate a CM has to choose those children who bring in the most money then thats life.

I know that sounds awful but all mothers work to give their own kids a better standard of living dont they, unless you are lucky enough to be a SAHM.

mind you, my policy is to keep the parents who pay you on time and the right amount.. most mumsnetters might be seriously amazed how many dont...

I understand the CMs have to do the best for their families too. If the OP did indeed explain clearly that they the mindee would loose a place to a potential fulltime mindee then fair enough - I stand corrected. But if not she's within her rights, but it cannot be called a "good service", and it's not surprising if the mother is annoyed. " Long-term" is probably the wrong phrase - but the very fact that you have a one month settling in period would surely suggest that, barring any unforseen circumstances, the relationship will be ongoing for some time (and that's on both sides). Having a potential full-time mindee cannot be seen as unforseen. However, if she was warned that her child would be ousted in this situation I think it's fair enough. I would never have taken a place on that basis personally.
I would think it equally inappropriate if a parent took a childminding place and switched to a cheaper childminder when a place became available six weeks later withoug letting the CM know this was going to happen.