have you ever been left by a nanny?

[margobambino]

I am feeling a bit weird. We hired part time nanny first time and after a couple of days she phoned me in the evening to tell me that she cannot work in our home environment implying that we are being overprotecting with safety gates, corner covers etc. She basically implied that my home environment is pathological. At the moment I am feeling a bit sad and self conscious.
Anybody had similar experience? Or can you tell me something to make me feel better

My first lovely nanny got poached at the school gates for an extra pound an hour and a newborn baby.
We got over it, at the end of the day your way is the right way end of story.

yes, mine quit after a week. She had 2 of her own children (which I didn't mind, it gave ds someone to play with) and she couldn't cope with three of them. I was slightly pissed! There's not alot you can do though.
You are entitled to protect your child, would she rather they had frequent hospital visits?

I've left a nanny job after having been there for 3 years, but certainly not after just a couple of days.
Probationary periods in contracts are there to enable this sort of thing to happen - either side can terminate the agreement fairly quickly if they feel things are not working out. It must however be a right pain for the employer, as they then have to recruit all over again (or hope that their second choice is still available).

She can't work in your home due to you being overprotective? Bit strange in my view... surely she didn't mind opening and closing a few stairgates.

Everyone does things differently - best she tells you early on that she's not comfortable. The way you do things isn't "wrong" though!

When you're next interviewing make sure you look for someone who takes a similar approach to safety.

She knew everything at the beginning and she actually said there was nothing wrong with protecting your child.
Then today she said the home environment is not good for my DS either. She came for only 6 hours in total and did not want any money from us either.
My self esteem was already fluctuating and all these criticism hasn't helped. Am I an overanxious, toxic mother?

Well, how protective are you? How old is ds?

Maybe she got offered another job or had some personal issue and this was just a handy excuse for her?

Actually I agree that it is best she tells us early but this was the first nanny experience and I've found it a bit traumatic to hear that she thought it is not good for him and advised us a nursery.

This sounds really weird. How old is your ds? Was the nanny experienced?

No you are not, goodness if you take your child to A&E twice in a week you get the health visitor come to your house to check that it has been baby proofed as you describe.
It will be her not you, honestly.

Hi limonchick, My DS is 2 years old. We still have the stair gates. We have another gate in his bedroom door as he managed to climb out of the cot at 18 months and has been sleeping in an open cot. As he had a bad accident in February this year (bumped his head to wall edge) we covered most of the sharp edges with foam. Nothing else actually.

Also, nanny was experienced but was doing mainly part time temporary jobs lately.

None of that sounds unreasonable or pathological to me - I don't know why she would suggest a nursery is better. I think it sounds like an excuse rather than the genuine reason.

You covered most of the sharp edges with foam - throughout the house? If so that could be a lot of foam... sharp edges are everywhere.

However when your now ex-nanny visited your home to meet you and your DS (so may have visited several times) they would have seen all of the foam.

Toddlers do bump themselves a lot. Stairgate on bedroom is fine, on stairs, on access to any room you don't want them in.

If the whole house is coated in foam then that is a bit much, but I doubt it's the whole house... is it? Even if it is, it's up to you... it's your home, your child.

Suggesting a nursery was better is very odd in my view... maybe the nanny had never worked in a nursery!

It sounds as if you won't have the stairgates for much longer if your ds is 2. At that age our ds was opening the stairgate. We only had one in his bedroom door recess as no real landing and very steep staircase. That was the clue for me to remove it!

Toddlers do bump themselves, that's normal. How bad was your ds's 'bad accident'? If he was hospitalised then its only reasonable to be very protective.

Do you work from home?

Thanks nannynick, you made me laugh No, whole house is not coated in foam We are removing them one by one anyway as soon as we see that he is confident there.
Few months ago my ds was very very active boy, he still is but much better than how he was. MollieO, the accident was not that severe. No hospitalization or intervention was required, but it was severe to me
We are planning to remove the stair gates soon, he manages the stairs. The problem is our house is three storey and the stairs are a bit higher than usual. So although he has been doing well in any other stairs much better since he was 20months he has just managed our stairs. So this is why we are giving him another month with the gates.

Hi navyeyelasH, No I don't work from home. Why?

.... and yes, she did visit us twice before and I carefully showed and explained everything including the foams and the gates.

you said,nanny said she "could not work in home environment". If you worked from home that could ahve meant she didn't really like you being at home? Were you home from work when she was settling in?

If not then TBH non eof this makes sense. At 2 yes you should have the stair gates on so you don't have to justify that to us. Do you allow him to take risks outside of the home? ie. if you go to the park do you let him play or do you hover?

It souds to me like she is just making excuses, I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job; don't take it personally.

Yes I was at home when she was settling in. Is it affecting them negatively? Should I leave them alone at the beginning if we find anew nanny?
Yes, he is taking risks everywhere, he is allowed to play, run, decide where to go. In the parks, when he goes to older children area we go with him though but in age appropriate areas we leave him do whatever he wants to do.

I think it's fine to be around the first couple of days a nanny is settling in, certainly the first. But good to stay out of the way as much as possible.

do you have lots of "house rules"?

Maybe she wants to be more independant than you're allowing?

I find it very odd behaviour on her part.

That's a bit petty on her behalf. I was going to say (before I read how old he was) that I'd expect the stair gates until at least two, if not 12ish months longer because some kids are just a bit clumsy Childminders are expected to have them and tbh I'd expect homes to have at least the stairgates! Though corner covers and plug covers I'd also expect to see with under 2's...

Maybe it is a little over protective (I personally don't think so really), but better that then your ds get hurt imo!

No we don't have lots of house rules.
The most interesting thing is she knew everything before she starts. We had invited her twice and showed/explained everthing in detail and even exaggerated possible problems to avoid future dissapointment. For example in the first interview I even said to her that I was an anxious mother and asked whether she would be able to cope with that. She said she was confident as she had lots of experience.
Last night when she phoned me the most annoying thing was that she said this environment at home is not healthy for my son either and this was why she suggested a nursery would be better. I was a bit sleepy when she phoned and couldn't ask what she meant in detail. Do you think I should e-mail and ask now? Now I feel like 'how dare she can say that'.