have you ever been left by a nanny?

[margobambino]

I am feeling a bit weird. We hired part time nanny first time and after a couple of days she phoned me in the evening to tell me that she cannot work in our home environment implying that we are being overprotecting with safety gates, corner covers etc. She basically implied that my home environment is pathological. At the moment I am feeling a bit sad and self conscious.
Anybody had similar experience? Or can you tell me something to make me feel better

It sounds like a very 'hollow' reason as to why she doesn't want to work for you and it does sound like it may be just an 'excuse'.

Maybe after spending those 2 days with you she felt that she could not live up to the expectations you require from a nanny. Maybe she felt that she didn't agree with your parenting style. Maybe she felt that she didn't like you.

Sorry if I sound a bit harsh saying that, I'm not meaning to critcize you so please don't take offense. But as a nanny it is such a close working relationship that you really do need to have a good relationship between nanny and employer for it to be successful in the long term and sometimes you just don't hit it off with a parent (hopefully most people will establish that at the interview stage). You need to have similar parenting styles for it to work. In my current job the parents are stricter than I am around a few issues but because we both have similar values it is easier for me to follow their wishes without feeling I am compromising my views over their childrens upbringing.

The comment about nursery was a step too far imo. That may be her view but it is your child and it is entirely up to you how you parent them.

I think a neutral email asking her to clarify what went wrong and asking her how you could avoid future mistakes in recruiting wouldn't hurt, but if she doesn't reply I wouldn't push it and just chalk it up to experience and hope you are more successful with the next nanny.

Good luck

someone on here once put up a link about the false security of plug covers and showed how they can in fact make uk sockets more dangerous by inactivating the inbuilt safety mechanism. Just tried to find it but can't- far too much stuff in my favourites folder.

Thanks nbee84, your post helped me to see what happened from her side. May be she basically did not like us. My DS said he did not like her either
Anyway, we will find someone else and this time I will be much more careful with employing someone who has similar parenting style with us.

Hi,

I don't have any specific nanny advice, but I did want to mention that I have a 4 yr old and my ds2 is 30 months (so 2 1/2 ish) and we still have stair gates and no intention of taking them down yet!

My ds2 is the most accident prone child ever and whilst I, a bit like you like to let him rush about in the park or the garden and go on the climbing frame etc without being a helicopter parent, I do worry about the stairs.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable in taking the safety precautions that make you comfortable and the nanny was obviously not the right person for you.

Good luck with starting the recruitment again!

Oligo: really? That's interesting to know! I'll see if I can find something about that I must admit though that it makes sense, I assume that newer plug sockets would have a safety feature that could be activated by pressure points in the socket itself and would be turned off if something plug shaped were put in? Hm...

Oligo, this is really interesting. It makes sense to me too. Another thing to search about

I know a nanny who refused to work in a house because there was NOT stairgate. Tbh i find that more reasonable, stairgates make the nanny to feel more relaxed.

But in the end of the day it is all about having similar approaches, seems like you did not. It does NOT mean that one of you is wrong or bad with children . In your shoes i would be happy that she was so frank and she left now before the child bonds with her.

Although i would like to ask her what she meant by that comment

I definitely would not contact this nanny again to ask her what she thought. She has acted completely inappropriately so why should you care what she thinks.

I honestly think you should be around as much as you want when the nanny first starts. A good nanny will know that mum wants to see nanny and child together to see how things are, and not mind her being around. It is a big deal to leave your child with a stranger.

I have been a nanny and am a mum now so can see both sides a bit.

For those looking for the Plug Sockets info, I found this on the Telegraph's website:
Electrical Socket Safety Covers are "absurd and dangerous" says engineers" 23-Mar-2009

sounds like you had a lucky escape tbh

stair gates are good and the odd plug cover, and bleach etc to be childlocked

tbh you cant childproof your whole house and children need to lesrn no

sounds like an excuse to me - I once had a nanny phone the night before she was due to start and say she did not need the job now as the current employers had decided to stump up extra monies so that she didn't need to work the other couple of days - we were very short of a paddle at this point - your lady may well have had more than one job offer and was test driving them or similar I know it does happen - after such a short time she really couldn't make such judgements about you IMO - it is a lucky escape but a real pain I know from experience - we offered to another on the short list - she stayed with us 7 years in total - hope you find the right person for you soon.

agree i think she got a better job offer and was looking for excuses!
whether or not she agreed or disagreed with your parenting style (and if she did, then as several posters have pointed out, better you know this now than several months of arguments down the line) i find the nursery comment weird. i dont think in two visits she could have so thoroughly assessed your son and your parenting as to decide she knew better than you what childcare is right for your son, so i'd just ignore that. please dont worry and carry on looking for another nanny with whom you are on the same wavelength.

Don't give her the satisfaction of asking for any further "insights." I agree with Laquitar in the sense that it's so much better she left earlier rather than later.

Thanks you all for your very supportive posts. I feel much better now.
It seems she was making excuses really. FabBakerGirlIsBack, you are so right. I am not going to contact her again. What she did was definitely inappropriate and it is really a big deal for me to leave my son with a stranger. If she was a good nanny, she would show me a bit patience. HarrietTheSpy, you are right too, I am not going to give her that satisfaction.
I will find a decent nanny hopefully soon.