Quick Moan: Families with Nannies - How many nannies have you had?! (Longish)

[WantManualForKids]

Am getting so tired and fed up with people pretending they know how to be a Nanny. and

Rambling background...

OK, so when DP & I decided we would both work after DC1 was born and find a nanny, we naively hoped to interview like mad, be completely taken with one candidate, and retain her as our nanny until DCs no longer needed that level of care. We must have been doing something seriously wrong for the last 6 years because we are in the verge of looking for Nanny Number SIX. We are so sad, not to mention p*ssed off. It just not what we wanted for our DCs. Admittedly we made one recruitment error that could have been avoided with Nanny Number 4, but let's skip over that nasty bitch episode.

We are nice people. Honestly! The kids are lovely and I can't bear the thought of them not being looked after they way they deserve to be. The salaries we offer are decent, plus a bunch of extras & a bonus.

The one Mary Poppins-Eat-Your-Heart-Out nanny we did have could not come with us when we moved to a different country in 2007 - despite our begging! She is still in regular contact with the kids and says she will drop everything to work with us again if we go back to the UK.

So, are we the only ones that suffer like this? (If the kids were much younger and just needed their a*ses wiped & to be fed, that's easy, but as they grow up they also need behavioural & developmental guidance, and it is this skill that is seriously lacking in so many nannies that we have interviewed)

Nannies: Please don't flame me! So many of you would probably be exactly what we are looking for... we just don't seem able to find what we want. We look for NNEB/equivalent, 5yrs+ sole charge experience and sound references. It just doesn't seem to be enough.

Rant Over

We had a few, I decided Nursery was a better option.

One once let my DS play with a bottle of white spirits in the bath, that put me off for life.

Mary Poppins would be great.

I used to be a nanny and the families i worked for i stayed until no longer needed.

Family 1-stayed for a year and then they went travelling.

Family 2-Stayed for 2.5 years until they moved up north

Family 3-stayed for 3 years until i had my first baby.

Is it the nannies leaving you or you getting rid of them?

DWP - Playing with white spirit? Hope she was booted out sharpish! Mind you, I seem to remember pouring meths into a toy tractor I had aged about 4 or 5 hoping it would start the plastic engine...

Both DCs are now at school full time (ages 4 & 6) so the nanny's job is actually a breeze (IMO).

Oh okay sorry I didn't realise they are school age.

I think it really is trial and error, we had a brilliant Spanish Nanny but she was leaving to start a degree after 6 months, I was gutted when she left.

It's a long story re the white spirits, I was beyond furious.

BLM -

N#1 lasted a year, decided it was too hard (one 7 month old) and started a kids party company.

N#2 Fell pregnant, and resigned after mat leave

N#3 Was PERFECT in terms of nanny skills. Mature, organised, generally wonderful. Had to let her go as emigrated and she felt unable to come with us (she did think long and hard about it though)

N#4 Was a mistake borne of convenience and optimism. She left giving us Zero notice, and tried to steal a few of my things for good measure.

N#5 Current nanny. Started very well, but relationship irredeemably damaged because she does not communicate with us and as it turns out has no knowledge about relating to children over the age of 4 - hence we need...

N#6

I think there is a certain time limit that works for nannies. Until I stopped work last July, we had had about 8 or 9 nannies in the 11 years we had had kids. The last one stayed for two years, the one before that for 3 years and then at the beginning, we probably had 5 who stayed about 6 months to a year each. Partly it was because I changed my hours every so often, or we had Aussies or Kiwi's who went home. I never saw the changing as a problem - the kids just learnt that the nanny had another life that they moved onto. We have stayed in touch with about 4 or them, particularly the last two, who really were like members of the family.

I wouldn't worry about the change too much. We were always very hands on with the kids so they knew we were always around at key times, which I'm sure you are.....

Oh dear certainly sounds like youve had a bad time of it with nannies.

A 7 month old too hard!!!

What hours do they work?
Do you go through an agency?

Thanks for the +ve approach, BH. Am having angry & fed up moment!

BLM: The hours are 07.00 to 18.30, five days p/week. BUT since both kids are now attending school, there are 5 hours a day free. Well, I say free, but in fact what we are really looking for now is a nanny-housekeeper so 2 or 3 of those hours are spend doing a few household chores and basic admin for us. (We also have cleaners).

If the nanny/housekeeper wants to live in, we offer them own bedroom, bathroom, living area, dining area, kitchen, hi fi, Sky TV, PC, own telephone number, gym subscription, local transport costs and at least 25 days holiday. They can come skiing with us if they want to. Surely not such a completely crappy deal?? Our rented house is a bit ragged around the edges, but so what? We're definitely not one of these uber wealthy families, so paying for all this is a big decision for us.

Ah well. Will keep plugging away at nanny websites and agents...

WMFK, if it's any comfort, I'm also suffering nanny angst at the moment but in circumstances which are the converse of yours. I've had the same nanny for 7 years and she's recently given notice. I'm terribly worried about how much DS will be hurt when he finds out she's leaving. She has been, in effect, a third parent for his entire life. I know that we are very lucky to have had one excellent nanny for so long, but I'm finding the whole business of finding a replacement incredibly stressful (agencies notwithstanding!). Reading your OP helped me to calm down and count my blessings, so I thought it might just help you to know that there are serious downsides to having a single nanny for a long time.

Thanks, SJ! I'm sure you will find a replacement, in the same way that - having had a very pleasant lunch just now - I'm sure we will find a good new Nanny as well.

If your out-going nanny is going to stay in visiting distance, I have found that my kids love the idea of seeing their favourite ex nanny (Agh) as an exciting 'treat', so we always arrange some time with her when we fly back.

I think it sounds like a good job. I,m sure you will have no probs finding a new nanny. Good Luck

It sounds a lovely job -hope you find someone fab soon.

I stayed in 2 previous nanny positions, both for 4years and if its any consolation .....both nannies before me had only lasted a few months.

I think your experience is probably normal. I think also you may have lost the opportunity for a long term nanny now as I think most of these take the children as babies and stay until they are 'outgrown' - which ime is usually around school age when families and nannies alike are looking for something slightly different.
I think it also depends on the character of the nanny - our last one was with us for 2 years and her othre family for 5-6 years, and I think she's just the kind of person who prefers to stay with one family, while others may be comfortable with change.
I suspect if you hadn't moved out of tthe country you'd have had your long-term one with nanny no 3, so its just circumstances really.

I think what you're offering sounds great tbh and if I wasn't already employed - not exactly happily but I have signed a contract I would send you my details.
I can see why you are angry - when I started as a nanny I believed I would be a long term nanny like the 'good old days' but it doesn't work that way sadly however decent you are to your nannies.
I'm told it's an employers market !!!! so I'm sure there is a nanny out there for you who does not mind a bit of housework too and likes school aged children.
Fingers crossed

Sensible comments. I know we have outgrown the long-term nanny stage that usually starts at 'baby age' (I won't show this thread to DW otherwise she'll come over all clucky and think its a fab idea to have DC3...) and - sadly perhaps - that times are different these days, so nannies move on more easily.

Thanks all. Am still hacked off that we seem to 'have to' go through all this, but feeling more balanced about it.

How could anyone accept a job with a 7month old and then say it's too hard? Surely she should've known her limitations?! I know that I couldn't work with an under two or even a kid still in nappies (I have no experience yet so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that until I do). Did she give you any other reason? If she's worked with babies before then there is no excuse!

WMFKs I'd happily give you my details if I were a) looking right now and b) had a qualification and few years experience Basically, your job sounds like one I'd enjoy, but then I prefer school-aged kids. I hope you find somebody soon!

sorry you have had a rough time of it with nannies

tbh most nannies i know like to stay in jobs for a long time

ive been in my job for 3 years - plan to stay for lot longer if posible

last job was there 5 years till youngest went to school at 5 - had her from 5 weeks old

before that was there 4.5 years and family moved abroad

Completely off topic but these things are important...

Blondes: Is it 'Blondes have more fun', or 'Blonde shave more, fun'

We have a one day a week nanny. Have had her for 4 years. I suppose we'll have to give her up when dd starts school in September but I don't want to think about that.

I know lots of people who have had the same nanny for over 5 years.

Would you compromise on the 5+ years experience? It seems a lot. Our nanny, who is terrific, had only a small amount of nannying experience before she started with us. She had worked at a nursery, but sole charge experience wasn't something she had. I was a little nervous, but she's been great.

I agree it's hit and miss. We were lucky, I do appreciate that. Other friends have had considerably less success, and are on their second or third after not much more than a year.

Hi you say you had to lose nanny 3 because you left the UK, can I ask where you are based now?

I will have been with my current family 4 yrs when I leave in Sept and will of been their one and only nanny, youngest one was 3 weeks when I started and will be going to school full time so they will no longer need me. Most nanny friends I have though seem to stay a year or two with a family before moving on, hence we have to keep changing our nanny and charge friends.

pmsl

it is blondes have more fun

but agree very important to get it right

maybe it's the children in school / housekeeper thing
AND the 5+ years exp that are making it hard for you

I am thinking that a nanny who has 5 years+ sole charge experience is probably past wanting to do a housekeeper type position unless you got for a much older person.

I used to be a nanny and it was mostly always heartbreaking when I left a job.

I stayed 6 months to 4 years in my various positions.

We had one nanny, from DS1 being 6 weeks, until he was 11. She went from live in nanny to live out nanny to childminder + holiday nanny over this period, she is still agony aunt to DS1 and family friend now DS1 is 18. The secret of our sucess was to pay well, regard her as the expert and let her get on with it and to play matchmaker so she didn't have to leave when she got married (she got married from our house too) we also provided a reasonable car, even when she was live out. She had many nanny friends, all trained, and they often chopped and changed jobs mainly for the reason that the mothers of the various charges interferred and tried to micro manage them. Her best nanny friend who worked for a friend of mine also stayed with her familly for many years and eventually married our nanny's brother, so if you are tolerant and provide good working conditions things can work well.