acceptable tv viewing (question for Nannies/parents)

[uwila]

How many hours of telly do you let your kids watch while under nanny's care? I don't really think this applies to childminders because I think if you use a childminder then he/she to some extent sets the rules/schedule/activities etc. But if you employ a nanny than it is fair to set the schedule (or at least some guidelines) for her.

The reason I ask is because I'm convinced nanny lets DD watch quite a lot of TV. We will be getting a new nanny in Mid August and I'm thinking of writing one hour maximum tv viewing per day into the contract. Is this fair/usual? How do you monitor it? Or do you just trust nanny to do as you say?

OK sorry

Stand corrected

No problem. It was a long saga. Easy to miss a chapter or two.

Kanga, what's IIRC?

If I remember correctly.

Kanga whats with all the blank lines? Make the thread more difficult to read.

Uwila I don't really understand why you have got such a hard time on here. I agree with your post of 6.08 pm yesterday. I think that would be the way to go. Don't let your relationship with this nanny sour the one with the next.

Uwila-I am trying to resist falling in love with my new nanny as it is only early days-it's like one of those "stages of a project" jokes along the lines of enthusiasm, then ho-hum, then disillusionment, followed by abandonment, failure and then don't forget the all-important apportioning of the blame! Mind you that bit seems to be reasonably easy for this topic - IT'S ALWAYS ALL MUM'S FAULT!

Yesterday after Nirvana bringing her own lunch every day, I got home and was searching for a particular frozen ready-meal the girls love and we have whenever dh is away (he's in washington unitl Saturday-groan), and she proudly said , oh it was out of date so she had eaten it for her lunch!!!! So I explained for the second time this year, that I buy some fresh food and freeze it for a strategic reserve, and it was therefore not out of date at all! I also told her I didn't want her to eat any out of date food herself. I felt too amazed to say-you are to bring your own lunch anyway. So here we go again, my expectations are too high and I don't know how to boss someone around properly. I had previously told her she could help herself to some bread if she wanted to add to her lunches, we always keeps lots of that. So now I have to spell out that I am not supplying expensive ready-meals, only tea/coffee and bread (Which is more than I get), to a live-out nanny who is getting a very good wage (which is also more than I get per hour; I now realise I can't quite afford it for 3 days a week, for as long as I already told her, due to some miscalculations on my part).

Not trying to be critcial, but it seems a bit hard to make the nanny bring her own lunch - can't she just eat what the kids are having? That's what mine does (which seems nicest for all of them). I figure, however much of a financial strain it is, they are still making less money than their employers...

oops just noticed you said nanny gets more than you an hour, how does that work out then?

What? Whose nanny brings their own lunch? And what does this have to do with telly?

I am working only to stay in the running, I am a university researcher associated with the NHS. If I leave that is the end of my career, which is a shame because I like it and the dds will soon be out of this very expensive stage really. We live on DH's income. Mine goes on childcare. We have a flexible mortgage, but it is beginning to flex too much into the red direction.

Sorry, majorstress was saying that, bit of a detour

Oh Ok majorstress, can see why you might not feel able to stretch to lunch then.

sorry uwila, got sidetracked. Telly is one big bone of contention for all concerned. I would now say, no telly while with Nanny unless child is ill, or maybe exceptionally if you are going to be late and nanny needs to get evening meal ready or tend to baby in the arsenic hour before bed. And get specifc videos of things you DO like, and specify those ONLY are to be watched-mine didn't start moaning for variety until nearer to age 4. This also allows the time to be chosen by you to suit your child's best time to need to chill out, not the broadcasters desire to tempt them away for more wholesome fresh air activities all morning and mid-afternoon.

meant "from more wholesome activities" not "for..."

No problem, Major. I just thought that after last night's line of questioning and the wander off the subject of the thread (and quote previous statements regarding my income on other threads) that I would play moderator today and try to keep people on the topic. I could be a teacher... but then how on Earth would I pay my nanny?????

Uwila, I'm not a nanny employer, but my instinct is to tell your nanny what you want. You can back it up in writing on a scrap of paper, but I would put as little as possible in a contract. Shouldn't contracts just be for basic hours, remuneration, holidays etc, rather than specifics of the job?

I would personally have an aversion to a highly specific contract because it seems too cold and impersonal. You also have no way of enforcing whether the TV is on or off unless your DD tells you what she is doing. I would be more inclined to just asking at the handover time what they did that day - although a diary is a great idea too for the right personality.

I think a good nanny should be sensitive to what you are giving up by not looking after your DD yourself and should try to involve you as much by giving you reasonably detailed accounts.

I think that one of the benefits of employing a nanny rather than using a nursery or childminder is that you have control over the activities of your child. If the nanny does not want to do what you tell her, then she is a disappointment to say the least. Obviously some parents are much happier to hand over the iniative to the nanny, but not all mums are and the nanny should be prepared for that - in fact, that should be the expectation.

I do think (sorry, detour again) that what majorstress said about finding it hard to boss someone is an interesting point. I find it almost impossible which is why I rely so heavily on choosing someone who is absolutely right in the first place. Fidn ebing an employer v uncomfortable although a bit less so as time has gone by.

it's not the lunch per se, I just thought I had bid a fond farewell to all that food-provision business with my previous food-obsessed au pair, who complained about everything I provided, (even though I quizzed her often about her likes), filled up my whole fridge with large storage containers of her alternative concoctions (which were boiled rice with frozen sweetcorn prepared in bulk once a week), and ate up things I had intended to have for the evening meal. HOLD ON UWILA- therefore making me have to leave dds in front of the TELLY for even longer while I cobbled together something else-INSTEAD OF INTERACTING WITH THEM MYSELF AT ALL THAT DAY!!! THAT is what I resent, at the basis of it all.

agree with Ameriscott, shy retiring type-mums (and sometimes others) tend to cop out by writing lots of instructions-instead of face to face, or even telephone interaction, which is admittedly difficult when you are not physically present and are supposed to be at work. But I guess you could thrash it out when you get home or when you are leaving in the morning-that's what I am trying to do now. (Uwila your nanny WAS very unreasonable about the handover-unacceptably). The contract is a separate legal document, and the houserules or person spec is more aspirational. You will always have to compromise somewhat if you are not doing it all yourself- and even if you are- most people are too hard on themselves and even harder on their "staff" who don't seem to do any work-but a lot of it is so easily taken for granted or forgotten, especially in a home, no one notices that the sink is clean or the clothes are all put away, only the thing that got spilled or broken one minute before, or that the kids are in front of the tv (here it is Uwila ) as you walk in the door late in the day-who knows what they were doing all the rest of the time, when they are too little to tell you or know about time?

Yes, I totally agree with you, Major. I am very well aware that much of my gripe is based in an assumption. Because nanny refuses to inform me on the days events, keep me up to date with what DD has eaten, and development, etc. it is all too easy to jump to conclusions that may or may not be true. For example, when she called out Ruby's name, and I though oh right, you watch this show don't you? But, really, I don;t know that for sure. It could be that a kid a toddler group has a toy ruby rabbit and DD has learned who Ruby is (DD loves stuffed animal so this is a possible explanation). There's much more to this story, but I'll spare you. HOPEFULLY the next nanny will be happy to chat with me a bit more. Oh, and the nanny diary WILL be a contractual requirement.

actually I don't think you could be a teacher uwila....

Yes, donnie, the teacher/how would I pay nanny comment was an off the cuff remark which meant that teachers are underpaid, therefore making it difficult to pay a nanny. Bu, it was not meant as a comparison to my own income.

Hi Uwila, I was a nanny to a 2 year old and 4 year old which recently ended due to it being temp, but I only allowed 45 mins of TV a day which was usually something like Balamory or the Tweenies. I hate and forbid kids tv such as Billy and Mandy (very violent - its on Nickelodeon I think). The parents backed me up on the TV time allowance and it was great! Just if anyone is looking for a new nanny in the North West, I am available!!!!!!!

'off the cuff' translates as....?

An off the cuff remark is one that is made without much forethought. Is this an American phrase? I thought it meant the same on this side of the pond as well. Perhaps not.