acceptable tv viewing (question for Nannies/parents)

[uwila]

How many hours of telly do you let your kids watch while under nanny's care? I don't really think this applies to childminders because I think if you use a childminder then he/she to some extent sets the rules/schedule/activities etc. But if you employ a nanny than it is fair to set the schedule (or at least some guidelines) for her.

The reason I ask is because I'm convinced nanny lets DD watch quite a lot of TV. We will be getting a new nanny in Mid August and I'm thinking of writing one hour maximum tv viewing per day into the contract. Is this fair/usual? How do you monitor it? Or do you just trust nanny to do as you say?

uwila, how much experience of managing staff/leading teams do you have in the workplace? not that it would be the same dealing with a nanny who works/lives in your home. just being nosey!

No telly, while with nanny. nanny employed to be better mum than I could ever be. telly saved for mummy time (makes mummy look better) and provides those essential 'quiet moments' needed at weekend

Bossykate,
I have some but not loads. More in leading teams than and official role of having staff report to me. I work in a very project focussed business where people actually report to their corporate bosses back in the main office. But, their daily work is in a project environment. My management experience would be in the project environment where they don't technically report to me, but in practice a couple have been managed by me.

None of this is true at the moment as I sit next to my boss awaiting maternity leave with very little to do.

Oh yes, I agree. Managing a nanny is a very special task because you are not physically there to supervise. It makes it very difficult.

Why did you ask? Is there something I have said or done that you think shows poor management? Feel free to be honest. I'd rather learn something useful than have you sugar coat it.

Mine watch two programmes after homwork and while the nanny is getting the tea ready - they are far more obediant with the nanny and will actually turn off the telly themselves after the two programmes.....its all kids afternoon stuff on terrestial TV as I don't know what exactly it is....

It gives her a chance to cook dinner or to get out an activity, painting, card making etc, while they are not under her feet.

I think the balance is OK. By the way, the nanny made the rule up, not me!!!!

As an inexperienced mother with pnd and a family containing no-one under 35 except my dd1, I used hours of tv as my survival technique with dd1, but this was more down to lack of other kid-skills-I hate playing games and dd1 is very demanding and never plays with any inanimate object off her own bat (hates pointless games too I guess ). Now a couple of years on and with dd2, who simply won't sit doing one thing for long like her big sister did, but is always busy exploring, DD2 has taught ME that I was wrong and there are lots of fun things to do together that have a much better effect, like exercise, examining bugs and flowers in the garden, cooking, reading, singing- and the kids are easier to manage if they get this instead of tv, they act better because they are healthier and brighter from using their own brains and bodies-surely a nanny worthy of the name has experience enough to realise this too.
So I agree with SkiBunnyFlummy and others on those lines...only tv is when mummy is around but doing something kids can't join in with.

Meanwhile, my dd1 is now a devoted couch potato and it is very hard for her to cope with the new challenge of homework after a long day at school, she is used to slumping on arrival home.

An employee who does hours of housework while the kids watch tv (my dd2 won't, anyway!) is not a nanny, but a cleaner.

If I had it to do over, I would reserve tv for sickness or treats only, and I would consider seriously not having one at all. And to think I always regarded my disabled friend who had 4 kids as a bit of a nutter for rationing the telly! But now I see the point...Nannies often have more experience than mums and as professionals, should use tv as a last resort, maybe only while they get something better lined up. My current new nanny is game, in fact she takes pride in getting older charges she has had off the couch (before I mentioned tv, too) and the tv is only on after I get home while I am doing the last parts of the evening meal and don't want toddler underfoot.

OK, not to sugarcoat it, I wonder if you do expect a lot from a Nanny/au pair. Not partic with this thread but with others I have read about you hiring and firing and personally and without wanting to offend, I think I would be a little bit scared of you and make me think twice about working for you.

IMHO you want the au pair/nanny to do a lot of work with less than usual pay and not really let her relax into the job and let her chill with your dd and watch TV.

When you employ someone you have to trust them 100% esp with your children. Does it matter if sometimes she watches extra TV? It can be quite exhausting looking after children (as we all know) and esp when you are in a foreign country in someone elses house.

I could go on.......but I wont.

collision

Thank you so much

IMHO I have been feeling the same for months and not dared to post it cos I know what I will get back.

But as this is an open forum and we were asked for honest opinions on managing au pairs

Please please please treat them with respect

Also please do not expect a wonder woman for peasant wages

You will get what you pay for.

With Au pairs IMHO they want to come over here and learn English rather than work 10 - 12 hours a day.

Issymum That sounds totally brill

Obviously very happy household

as long as everyone is quiet during Byron

ok, how did "au pair" get into this? I actually think she gets a fair amount of break time. She does do everyone's laundry (not just DD's) and keep the kitchen clean. But, that's it. If DD makes a mess on the carpet... say tracks in dirt from the back yard or places with the coal in the fire place, nanny doesn't touch the vacuum cleaner. If DD marks up the wal or carpet with crayon/marker, nanny doesn't clean it up. Also, DD takes a 3 hour nap every day, during which time nanny goes to her room and listens to music and does I don't know what else. I have bought a bulletin board and put it up in the kitchen. I bought a calendar and asked nanny to fill in DD's activities (all two of them each week) so I will know when they end/ when money id due/ what her schedule is if nanny is on holiday/ etc. Nanny doesn't do any of this. I do it. She doesn't run errands. And she has an ever increasingly annoying habit of demanding things on the spot. Last night, she said to me "I have no soap for laundry tomorrow". But, did she put it on the grocery list which is pinned to the bulletin board? No, she didn't. She didn't get it today. I ordered online from Tesco last night and it will arrive tomorrow night. To be perfectly honest, I'm not bothered if I go a couple of days longer before she does laundry. No big deal to me. She has refused to fill out a nanny diary. She won't even write down what DD eats during the week. I have explain to her that I have a lot of trouble getting DD to eat anything on the weekend and it would be ever so helpful if I knew what she is willing to eat during the week and I could then make the same on the weekend. Nope, she won't do it. Flat out refused. I asked her to give DD eggs for breakfast, and I got a very defensive (or rather aggressive) argument on why one MUST have 75 grams of carbohydrate for every 25 of protein. And she must start the day with carbohydrates. "I just can not do it!" was the exact phrase.

Basically, I think nanny aspires to do something more exciting than be a nanny. She has found another job and I will find another nanny.

Incidentally, new nanny will have toddler and baby so I have already decided that our laundry will not be part of the job... as I think she will have her hands full with childcare. Also, it has occurred to me that part of the reason DD is watching TV is because nanny is doing laundry... but not always.

I appreciate your comments. And, I 'm not offended. Really I do want your honest input. But, I don't think that nanny does THAT much with one toddler who takes really long naps.

your nanny sounds like a slacker.
i know if i had a nanny for my DS (could never afford one but thats a whole new thread ) i would need to trust she is doing her job 100% otherwise i think i would resent paying her and that is not a good working relationship when a nanny is in your home looking after your kids.

IMHO yours is not a nanny but an au pair

That is what you called her when she arrived IIRC

She is earning an Au Pair wages rather than nanny wages IIRC

She is working nanny hours though

She is a specialist in food prep

NOT childcare

So I feel you have had what you paid for

IMHO there is no better job than looking after children and seeing them develop

Teaching them to make a tower of bricks

Do jigsaw puzzles

paint a smiley face

catch a ball

etc etc etc.............

I think it is the best job in the world

But you obviously don't so we will never see eye to eye on this subject

IMHO

The rewards are more than money

smiles from children are worth more than money

But please be fair and trust her judgement

BUT please show respect and value your next au pair

Take yourself out of the situation and ask if you would want to work for you or want your DD to work for you

IYSWIM

Perhaps get someone who has done the job before rather than from nutrition degree

They may enjoy playing with your children then

and not want to move on to a "more exciting job"

There is nothing more exciting or important than teaching and helping the next generation to grow up to be happy, kind, friendly people is there?

I would be very interested if you could honestly say that there was any other job as important as looking after children

THEY ARE OUR FUTURE

Uh... I think you have her pegged wrong. She has degrees in:
Health (which includes nutrition)
Child education
Veterinary Medicine

She shines on education. I can not compliment her enough in this respect. The problem is that when I say "I'd like it done this way" she sometimes takes it upon herself to override the decision. No nanny (in my opinion) has the right to tell their employer that they are better qualified to make the decisions regard tha child's care. She works for me, and I completely and adomately oppose the idea that she should tell me what to do.

True, I don't pay huge sum. But, it's more than an au pair. She is not here on an au pair visa, and the job she is expected to perform is exactly as described in the contract, which she saw and agreed to at the interview.

I disagree that she is an au pair. I did used to refer to her as that. But, since being grilled on this website (many moons ago) I have changed her title to nanny as that is what she does.

Furthermore, she has raised two children of her own. So I fail to see that she is underqualified. She is perfectly capable of doing the job, but has gotten bored with it and now that she is leaving I think she really doesn't care what I think.

Oh, forgot to mention that she speaks 3 languages. She is better educated than I am.

BUT she does not get a buzz out of being with your DD does she?

And so IMHO you should get someone who will

2 year olds are just like sponges and one of the ages that are the most fun

Don't you think?

I think she does actually. My gripes are really the fact that she will override my wishes when I walk out the door. I think part of the problem is that she is 49 and has raised two kids of her own. It's a bit like the mother in law who thinks she knows better. But, this is my child and I MAKE THE RULES. I wish her well. She will hopefully be happier as a social worker. She also explained to me that living in someone else's house just was not for her.

I can sympathise somewhat. This is a woman who grew up in Estonia under Soviet Occupation. Her grandfather died in a concentration camp. She was divorced and yet manage to obtain the above mentioned degrees. She raised two kids under these circumstances. When her kids were teenagers, Estonia gained independance from the Soviet Union. And, last year it joined Europe. I imagine that this is her break for freedom and working for someone much younger than she is has been difficult. So when I ask her to fill out forms and such, she probably feels that she just won't stoop that low. But, that's the job. I appreciate she would like to be someone's nutritionist, but I don't have that job on offer.

So, I do have a lot of respect for her, but I also will not consider having someone else tell me how to raise my child. There are some things I can not tolerate, and that is one of them. But, she atually resigned. So that is a good thing because it will allow us to remain friends.

Also, I think much of the problem is that I simply don't know what they do during the day because she does not tell me. When I asked her to fill out a nanny diary/sheet kind of thing, she said no and that she would tell me verbally. I reluctantly agreed. But, when I get home, she runs to her room. If I am 3 minutes late, DD is in the living room by herself and nanny has gone up to her room. She leaved DD in the bathtub alone while she chats on the phone sometimes... grrrr But, I let even this go because she is leaving so what's the point? (granted her bedroom is about 7 feet from DD's bathroom, but still a toddler unsupervised in the bath makes me nervous)

ANyway, the point of this thread was to ask what would be a resonable thing to write in the contract, and I think I have gotten my answers:

1- Don't act like Hitler just because the last nanny developed an attitude

2- The personality of who I employ is so much more important that my dictation because the nanny's personality and dedication will ultimately define her behaviour far more than anything I could attempt to manage when I'm not there.

So, I shall not itemise every detail of her duties in the contract, and I shall choose carefully when hiring a nanny.

I have to say that (as a working mum who employs a nanny) I would hate to work for some of the other nanny employers on here! Maybe I have been lucky with my nannies but I also think paying them a fair wage and treating them as mature adults has a lot to do with it!

Uwila, you have admitted in the past that you pay your nanny less than the market rate and whatever about her signing the contract and agreeing to that amount, she is bound to have realised that she is being underpaid which inevitably leads to resentment. As a line manager, I've gone through this at work on more than one occasion. Sometimes it has been justified and I've had to try and find other ways of compensating employees (training ops, shadowing days in other depts they are interested in - whatever). Sometimes, it has not been justified and has required an "open and frank exchange of views" including comparables from other industries and similar positions. Bottom line - money is a big deal and will lead to problems if the perception (justified or otherwise) is that you're not paying enough.

..............

pay peanuts and get monkeys

..............

ooh, RTKangaMummy, you've stolen one of my lines from a previous discussion on this topic - which reminds me that the same old chestnuts come round all the time and now it is definitely time to get off my butt and get myself to Tescos!

you get what you pay for....

Do monkeys like peanuts?