acceptable tv viewing (question for Nannies/parents)

[uwila]

How many hours of telly do you let your kids watch while under nanny's care? I don't really think this applies to childminders because I think if you use a childminder then he/she to some extent sets the rules/schedule/activities etc. But if you employ a nanny than it is fair to set the schedule (or at least some guidelines) for her.

The reason I ask is because I'm convinced nanny lets DD watch quite a lot of TV. We will be getting a new nanny in Mid August and I'm thinking of writing one hour maximum tv viewing per day into the contract. Is this fair/usual? How do you monitor it? Or do you just trust nanny to do as you say?

Myself also I regard myself as an exp professional nanny. My charges age appropriate would be able on some days watch the odd programme educational appropriate etc others times when charges are ill when cuddling up on the sofa is the only thing etc. Otherwise in families I have always been in, the lack of time to watch the TV always things to do with my charges cooking, painting, picnic's tea parties play dates, outside, inside play & quiet time.
If your Nanny is Not following Your Requests just maybe you have both out grown each other & its a time for a change for both of you.

Ah yes. It is time to part our ways. This has already been agreed to happen on 13 May, which is also when I begin Maternity leave. I have posted this question because I hope to avoid a repeat of this trouble with the next nanny (whom I have not yet selected/hired). So I am just looking for other people's opinions (both nannies and parents) on what is reasonable, their experience, etc. Basically I'm picking your brains so that I can know ahead of time that my chosen course of action is a fair one.

Thanks all for your input. And, please if anyone has anymore comment feel free to add to this discussion. All views appreciated.

I suggest that rather than limiting TV by time try and work out what it is you want/don't want. For example, my children can watch specific programmes but not just turn the TV on because they're bored. There are some programmes that I say no to. They cannot turn the TV on without asking first. There is no eating in front of the TV - at meal times it's turned off and they come and sit at the table with everyone else. Homework/music practice has to be finished before TV.

This all seems to work for us and they don't end up watching a lot unless they are off school and ill or it's a rainy day in the holidays.

It's probably easier if you're not trying to force habits you don't follow yourself - and remember that children are little and, particularly when they start nursery or school, need time to chill out. TV can be good for this.

Ooooo, splendid idea Mrs. Wobble. I'll discuss circumstances when tv can/can't be watched rather than time limts.

Ah, yes it's a bit difficult to enforce if you don't live by the rules yourself. I live by them. But, unfortunately DH has different views and overrides my wish to not let her watch MTV on the weekend. But, I can't do anything about that. He doesn't work for me, and I do not have the power to control his behaviour. I'm aware of the problem, but I can only tell nanny what to do, as she does work for me.

As a former nanny, I used to hate maternity leave of my employers as I always felt under scrutiny and that I had to be entertaining the children the entire time.

Fortunately, I had a great employer and we used to sit and drink coffee and read the paper together before we did anything with the children.

IMHO be nice to your nanny and treat her as you would expect to be treated.

It is impossible to do activities the whole time and sometimes it is nice to sit and watch TV together and have a break. Everything in moderation, is my motto!

We did lots of craft, baking, trips out etc etc but I would not put it into a contract about how much TV they watch. That would have put my back up at once and i would have thought that you were an unreasonable person TBH. I would have also thought that if you were going to be like that then you might get funny about other things too and I would be better off in another job.

Just MHO and no offense intended.

Repeating msyelf, but it really is down to getting the right nanny in the first place - which is not necessarily one with lots of qualifications etc. I remember my first nanny (no quals, lots of experience) came to interview with a photo album of her pervious charges and the cakes she had made for their birthdays, clucthing a bag of Easter eggs because she was about to visit her last family. then when I spoke to the mother from her most recent job, she said "I ahve nothing negative to say about X, she has become a friend". Thsi has been my touchstone for subsequent interviews...

Collision,
Nanny is leaving so she won't be there when I am on maternity leave. There is a long long story behind this. I'll spare the details, but her resignation saved her from being terminated. She actually resigned for May 1 (though I have yet to receive written notification). As my maternity leave begins at the close of business on 13 May, I asked her to stay through then so that I wouldn't have to sort out 2 weeks of childcare when I am 36-38 weeks pregnant.

Anyway, so I won't be scrutinising her every move because she won't be there anymore.

I must have missed an episode of this saga - so she resigned? Do tell what happened....

Personally I think max. 2 hours of tv a day. Nanny or no nanny.

Well, when I gave her her paycheck at the end of April, she gave me verbal notice that she would be leaving 01 May. I said okay. Then, realising that the look on my face was probably a rather inappropriate expression of joy, I suddenly said "Oh, why?" I'm such a terrible actress. Anyway, we had a long (and friendly) chat about her qualifications/education/career/life in England, etc. What it bbasically boils down to is that she has a variety of degrees which she feel qualify her for a botter career than what I have to offer. She the problem was her, not us and that we were a nice family. I told her that I was sorry to see her go but I wasn't surprised as I didn't think she was very happy with us. I think she basically feels that she is perfectly qualified to make her own decisions and therefore shouldn't have to be subject to me telling her what/how to do her job. Whereas I most certainly feel that as her employer and DD's mother I have every right in the world to tell her what to do. The nanny diary is the really puzzling one for me. She just flat out refuses to do it, and I think it is because she feels belittled if she has to tell me what they have done/eaten/etc. The irony is that I probably wouldn't mind how she chooses to feed/entertain DD if I only I knew what it was.

Anyway, she resigned, and that allowed us to continue through May and then part our ways on friendly terms, and I am very glad for that.

She has a job as a social worker. I don't know much about it. But, they provide housing and a car for her. I suppose her employer is the government/NHS???

Less than a month now, and I am looking forward to it.

For any reading this who does not know the nanny saga, she also has some good qualitied for which I am very thankful. She has taken great care with DD's education. DD is 2 and nanny has taught her so many vocabulary words. It's really nice. Her verbal skills are coming along nicely, and it cetainly isn't due to anything I did.

Sorry, gave her the pay cheque end of March, not April. Duh!

Please please please start with a clean sheet with new au pair

OK your last au pair was rather a nightmare for you

But please draw a line under that and be positive with new one

Otherwise you will come across as a nightmare parent

Please show respect to the new au pair just like the respect you will want from her

Treat her like you would like your boss to talk and treat you

Also if your DH is letting your DD watch MTV at any time during weekends it may be confusing for the au pair if you are very strict on the TV watching during the week

Also is MTV suitable TV for a toddler to watch?

IMHO It is not

I completely agree with you RTK, but I can not control DH. When I find it on the TV, we exchange words (and sometimes durty looks). But, he continues... It is unfortunately beyond my power.

So what does he want from the au pair?

well, I suppose that must be a relief to you and better than having to make her redundant.
I know a few public sector social workers though and none of them have a house and a car thrown in so I can't think what the new job would be - didn't she need a reference from you?

What can I say? He is a man. When I was pregnant with DD and we went off to buy a travel system, he declared that he wouldn't be pushing no girly pram around town. So, I selected a nice navy blue / tan manly looking one at M&P. Want to guess who pushed it home?

Well, he has come a long way since then. I have to give in on some things or he will see me as evil dictator control freak wife (and respond with an equal opposite reaction). DD is only 2 now. When she is say 3 and old enough to mimic Cristina Aquilara (sp?) then I will stop letting it go.

Oh, yes elliot, a huge weight was lifted from shoulders when she resigned. It was the perfect solution. She told me that the social worker job is very keen to hire Estonians. And, that they provide a car to those who have a drivers license. I think the housing is shared with other social workers. So it's not like they are giving her one of her own. I know nothing about social workers. Perhaps she made it all up (thought I would be very surprised). ANyway, it doesn't matter. She's leaving! Happy ending.

uwila, i'm sorry this is probably way out of line but whenever you write something about your dh i feed very & for you.

Thanks bossykate. But, he has good qualities too. I really didn't mean for this to turn into me having a go at him. And, to be perfectly honest, I think a lot of men sit back and let mum take control of the kids. I'm sure this is not a trait specific to my DH.

Coming in late to this discussion as computer at home packed away while rewiring going on so probably repeating what has already been said but agree that being so specific about how much TV can be watched is a bit draconian and (if I was a nanny) would suggest to me that I was not seen as responsible or mature enough to decide that for myself. Our ds's don't actually watch any TV with our nanny except on Friday although even that seems to have gone by the wayside since the weather got better - they would rather be in the garden. However, they do occasionally watch some one-off TV if, e.g., nanny thinks that younger ds is particularly tired and really needs to veg for a bit or when ds1 was at football camp during the holidays he also came home happy but exhausted at the end of the day and needed a bit of quiet time to recover. I leave those decisions entirely up to her - similar situation with the computer and Gamecube.

If I felt that I had to spell out in a contract things like that in such detail I think I would probably assume that I had the wrong person in the job.

What I meant was:

what is his input with au pair?

What does he think is the right amount of TV for his DD to watch with the au pair?

What programmes does DH want DD to watch when with au pair?

How much time does DH think DD should spend watching TV with au pair?

Does he have any input on what the au pair does with DD?

what is his input with au pair? uh, virtually none (oh apart from IT support for her PC/internet connection/printing/faxing/etc.) He hates this job, but he gets on with it.

What does he think is the right amount of TV for his DD to watch with the au pair? Uh, I'm not sure he has a view. Though, he does take note (and likes it)when nanny is down on the floor playing a game with her.

What programmes does DH want DD to watch when with au pair? Well, DH is a big fan of noddy. I've even caught him watching it when DD has left the room.

How much time does DH think DD should spend watching TV with au pair?

Does he have any input on what the au pair does with DD? Yes, but much less than I do. This is largely because he works away all week, so it is I who manages the employee. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes it is a burdon. But, he isn't there as much as I am, so it makes sense that the job is mine. If there is something I really don't want to do, and want him to do instead, he's willing to do it for me. But, I feel it's a bit of a cop out for me to ask him so out of a moral sense of duty to my obligations as employer/boss I don't ask this of him very often.

what is his input with au pair? uh, virtually none (oh apart from IT support for her PC/internet connection/printing/faxing/etc.) He hates this job, but he gets on with it.

What does he think is the right amount of TV for his DD to watch with the au pair? Uh, I'm not sure he has a view. Though, he does take note (and likes it)when nanny is down on the floor playing a game with her.

What programmes does DH want DD to watch when with au pair? Well, DH is a big fan of noddy. I've even caught him watching it when DD has left the room.

How much time does DH think DD should spend watching TV with au pair?

Does he have any input on what the au pair does with DD? Yes, but much less than I do. This is largely because he works away all week, so it is I who manages the employee. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes it is a burdon. But, he isn't there as much as I am, so it makes sense that the job is mine. If there is something I really don't want to do, and want him to do instead, he's willing to do it for me. But, I feel it's a bit of a cop out for me to ask him so out of a moral sense of duty to my obligations as employer/boss I don't ask this of him very often.

what is his input with au pair? uh, virtually none (oh apart from IT support for her PC/internet connection/printing/faxing/etc.) He hates this job, but he gets on with it.

What does he think is the right amount of TV for his DD to watch with the au pair? Uh, I'm not sure he has a view. Though, he does take note (and likes it)when nanny is down on the floor playing a game with her.

What programmes does DH want DD to watch when with au pair? Well, DH is a big fan of noddy. I've even caught him watching it when DD has left the room.

How much time does DH think DD should spend watching TV with au pair?

Does he have any input on what the au pair does with DD? Yes, but much less than I do. This is largely because he works away all week, so it is I who manages the employee. Sometimes this is good, and sometimes it is a burdon. But, he isn't there as much as I am, so it makes sense that the job is mine. If there is something I really don't want to do, and want him to do instead, he's willing to do it for me. But, I feel it's a bit of a cop out for me to ask him so out of a moral sense of duty to my obligations as employer/boss I don't ask this of him very often.