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Original poster

cm has told us not to bring ds back!

36 replies

ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 16:52

I am at a bit of a loss what to make of this...
Ds is 16mo and was previously with a lovely cm for 2/3 months from just after his first birthday. He settled there like a dream, had great fun and we were all really happy. Then cm had to stop minding due to her own ds falling ill.
We had 6/7 weeks of GPs/me/dp taking turns to look after ds, till we found - after much effort - another cm a couple of weeks ago. We had 3 days of shortish settling-in sessions: all fine. Last week both dp and I back to work: again, all fine.
Yesterday morning he was cranky and was sick; cm rang me to ask me to pick him up, then called back to say he seemed fine and was now eating ok. I picked him up at his normal time and he was in a very happy mood, she said he'd had a good afternoon.
This morning she again rang to say he was in a bad mood, wanting to be picked up all the time, getting cross when she was paying attention to the other mindees. She asked me to come and get him. When I picked him up I asked her what we could do to help him settle better; she said she didn't know and I should phone her later for a chat. I got home to find she had emailed me about 20mins after I picked him up to say she doesn't think he is settling well and it would be better if we didn't bring him back.
Now, obviously I am biased and pfb! But ds is a very gentle and happy boy - cm was saying this herself up until yesterday. Surely this is just normal settling-in hiccups and shouldn't she be better equipped to help him? What shall we do?
Needless to say this is a nightmare for us for childcare-wise. But most of all I feel so sad for my lovely boy.

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LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 04/03/2009 16:57

she sounds crap tbh and as if she has just changed her mind

bet it's nothing to do with your ds

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 17:14

I hope you're right, Laurie!

I haven't responded to her yet - we're totally stuck for childcare if he can't go back there, so I'm torn between asking her to try again and getting the hell out of there...

How long would a cm normally expect a 16mo to take to settle in?

OP posts:
ForeverOptimistic · 04/03/2009 17:20

I agree with Laurie. She did you a favour you don't want your child to be with a childminder who obviously doesn't know how to handle children!

She is also very unproffessional, she should have discussed her decision not put it in an email!

Numberfour · 04/03/2009 17:22

really depends on the baby and the CM as to how long settling in would take.

i would not send DS back. it seems to me that for whatever reason, she no longer wants him and of course no one would want to send their child where they are not wanted - you are certainly not being pfb!

she may have found a "better offer" in respect of another child.

good luck.

missymoo2411 · 04/03/2009 17:25

chasing butter flys u r better off out off there have u looked on the thred no mindees lets all be lonly together there r loads of cm s on there who have spaces some may be near u good luck in yr search . ps if u signed a contract have a read and see if she is in breech .

nomoreamover · 04/03/2009 17:26

i agree with laurie - sounds like she is using DS as scapegoat for something else. Maybe a more lucrative contract has signed up?

DOn't take it personally - I am sure it has nothing to do with your darling boy - find someone who deserves him!

chocoholic · 04/03/2009 17:26

I agree with the others, find a new childminder. Settling in varies from child to child but your childminder sounds like she would only be happy if they are happy and smiling all the time. All children have off days no matter how long they have been with you for, especially if they are poorly.

I can't understand why she changed her mind about you taking him if he had been sick. If he has been sick, he has been sick and should go home.

I think your DS will be much better off elsewhere.

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 17:45

thanks all - yes, you are right, he shouldn't go back there. it seems totally unreasonable to give him the boot after two off days... especially without even a conversation with us.

missymoo, we don't have a contract yet. we have been asking her since last week and she said she was drawing it up and would get it to us asap. suddenly that seems suspicious

will look on the no mindees thread, thanks

I'm now worried that any new cms we see will think we are difficult parents/ he is a troublesome boy as he'll now be on to his third cm at only 16mo!

OP posts:
hereidrawtheline · 04/03/2009 17:49

dont worry about that, your first CM can always say what a delight he was as they got on so well! This CM sounds rubbish tbh and you are well rid of her I think.

LynetteScavo · 04/03/2009 18:16

The CM is fobbing you off, for some reason.

It's a shame your DS is being messed around (and you).

I'm sure it has nothing to do with your DS.
Good luck with finding lovely childcare soon!

Ripeberry · 04/03/2009 19:12

I do hope she was registered as really she should not have even been minding your child without you being present without a contract or even signed permission forms.
Have you not tried your local childcarelink and actually rung them as not ALL childminders are on the internet.
Hope you find the perfect childminder for you son

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 19:24

Ripeberry, yes, she is registered, we would only ever use the list of cms from the council. we did do signed permission forms, it was just the contract that she hadn't got round to drawing up - we kept reminding her about it but until today i thought she was just busy

first job tomorrow is to ring for the new cm vacancy list. just didn't think i'd be needing to do that again...

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 04/03/2009 19:28

Did you have your DS there full time? Perhaps she had a query from someone looking for more hours and was looking for an excuse to get rid of you.

Very unprofessional of her.

princesstoxic · 04/03/2009 19:53

She should have given your baby a few months to settle before making that descion.

yentil · 04/03/2009 20:04

she sounds crap and shouldn't even call yu anyway about him not settling, thats her job to sort out not keep calling you to pick her up. If I had had to get my dd in the earlly years everytime she was 'unsettled' i would have lost my job..............she sounds like a precious selfish cow IMO...you're better off without, it will be tough but it will workk out in the end. good luck with your search...why not consider nurseries also? it gives you more options if you don't rule anything out.

yentil · 04/03/2009 20:05

sorry i mean't 'him'

RachieB · 04/03/2009 21:03

i agree best off out of there,by the sounds of things

have a look / advertise on netmums and gumtree

hope you find someone soon

xx

dustbuster · 04/03/2009 21:08

Poor you! Sounds like a nightmare. I agree with everybody else that she sounds crap.

I'm sure you have already done this, but have you asked your old CM whether she knows anyone?

Good luck, hope you find somebody lovely for your DS.

Original poster
ChasingButterflies · 04/03/2009 21:23

Thank you all.

Dp rang the cm on the way home from work this evening and asked her if she could try settling ds for a bit longer; she agreed that she probably could (I was a bit when he told me, as I think you're all right that he shouldn't go back there, but dp is worried about ds being too disrupted).

Anyway, I then checked my email just now and almost as soon as she'd got off the phone to dp she'd emailed me to say she definitely doesn't want to have ds back!

She is cowardly, I think.

Have logged on to all the sites you've mentioned, thank you again.

OP posts:
dustbuster · 04/03/2009 21:27

How unprofessional! I bet if you stayed with her you'd have had loads of problems.

ScummyMummy · 04/03/2009 21:31

She's crap. I can't believe she's doing everything by email. What a coward not to be able to tell you face to face or at least by phone. Poor you guys, in the soup. Hope your next child carer is a good egg, unlike this fool, and not too hard to find.

AuntieMaggie · 04/03/2009 21:37

can you give feedback on CM's to anyone? sounds like she should be looked at - wonder if she has done this before. (i know nothing about CM's though)

underpaidandoverworked · 04/03/2009 22:05

Something doesn't sound right - an experienced cm knows that it can take time to settle a child of any age in a new setting, and works with parents to make it as smooth as possible. The fact you had no contracts drawn up before she cared for ds rang alarm bells with me - I never take on a child before parents sign contracts! Also, i make sure children have several 'settling' sessions (with and without parents) before they start in my setting.

I would ring the Family Information Services department at your local authority and 'ask questions' about what they think about your situation. Sounds like everything's not 'above board' to me! Good luck.

Ps. if you live in NE12 then let me know

vInTaGeVioLeT · 04/03/2009 22:11

OMG that is shocking behaviour!

i'd allow a good month for p/t or two weeks for f/t to settle in.

your probably best off out of it TBH.

MollieO · 04/03/2009 22:20

I would speak to the CIS about her. She sounds dreadful and I wouldn't take my dc back. Sounds as if she changed her mind but didn't have the nerve to tell you. There are some excellent CMs around but unfortunately for you not the one you found. What were her references like?

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