cm has told us not to bring ds back!

[ChasingButterflies]

I am at a bit of a loss what to make of this...
Ds is 16mo and was previously with a lovely cm for 2/3 months from just after his first birthday. He settled there like a dream, had great fun and we were all really happy. Then cm had to stop minding due to her own ds falling ill.
We had 6/7 weeks of GPs/me/dp taking turns to look after ds, till we found - after much effort - another cm a couple of weeks ago. We had 3 days of shortish settling-in sessions: all fine. Last week both dp and I back to work: again, all fine.
Yesterday morning he was cranky and was sick; cm rang me to ask me to pick him up, then called back to say he seemed fine and was now eating ok. I picked him up at his normal time and he was in a very happy mood, she said he'd had a good afternoon.
This morning she again rang to say he was in a bad mood, wanting to be picked up all the time, getting cross when she was paying attention to the other mindees. She asked me to come and get him. When I picked him up I asked her what we could do to help him settle better; she said she didn't know and I should phone her later for a chat. I got home to find she had emailed me about 20mins after I picked him up to say she doesn't think he is settling well and it would be better if we didn't bring him back.
Now, obviously I am biased and pfb! But ds is a very gentle and happy boy - cm was saying this herself up until yesterday. Surely this is just normal settling-in hiccups and shouldn't she be better equipped to help him? What shall we do?
Needless to say this is a nightmare for us for childcare-wise. But most of all I feel so sad for my lovely boy.

Lucky escape I think - she sounds bloody useless, either that (or as others have said) got an 'easier' option. Mind you, what's easier than a sweet, charming, 16mth old I don't know, but maybe the hours someone wanted her for suited her better, or she had a friend ask if she had a space, God knows.... but if she's this useless, this quick - then you are best off out of it. DS will be fine.

I'd of been annoyed at DH too.

I don't suppose your original CM is in a positon to have him back is she??

Hope you find someone soon.

butterflies where in the country are you? I feel so bad for you if I can help I surely will - I know CMs for quite a large area on account of moving counties doing this job so if you are anywhere near me then I will get on the case!

My son was also 'sacked' by a CM at about that age. He went to a lovely nursery where they didn't mind the fact he needed to have a bit of a cry before settling for his nap. OFten they'd cuddle him to help.

I think you've had a lucky escape - if she's messing you about after 2 days???

I also believe it's just an excuse of hers (blaming your ds isn't settling in well), she probably has another reason. Please don't take it personally.

And even if she is being honest and he is still crying and not himself... it does take a little while sometimes to settle in, this is normal behaviour, no way out of the ordinary. He hardly knows her at this stage.

And... I would NEVER mind a child I had no contract for.... ever. This alone rings alarm bells.

Please try and find someone worthy of her profession... I hope you manage to find someone asap... people like her make my blood boil.

I have been a minder 23 years, it can take toddlers longer than babies to settle in, and the cm needs to have a lot of patience and empathy and time to reassure, cuddle and have one on one time with him. Perhaps her mix of children is not right, I think carefully about the needs of all the children in my care before taking on a new one, and will take the one who will suit my setting. My new ones get one on one when the others are asleep, or they will be on my lap for stories, playing etc. he needs to feel secure before he can settle in.

The CIS now the FIS cannot and will not pass any judgement on childminders, nor will they enter into discussion about individual childminders, they just run the lists, send out details etc. But, there will be a development officer that they could out you in touch with if you have concerns about the childminders ability to look after children.she ay pay a visit if she is on a network or attached to a children's centre as we all are now. If it is a safety issue, then it is Ofsted

I hope you get your little one settled with someone soon.

how awful. it can take ages and ages for littleones to settle, she hasnt given it a chance. sounds like an excuse. you have had a lucky escape

Are there any good nurseries in your area?

As a cm myself I have to say that she sounds awful and completely unprofessional.Iknow a lot of cms and I can honestly say Ive not come across one like that before. Dont take it personally its not your fault that she cannot cope youve had a lucky escape as has your Ds can you just imagine how hard she would find it to cope when Ds does hit the terrible toddler age of pushing boundaries ! Doesnt bear thinking about. On your next cm visits ask what their policy is on settling children in explain what happened to you and ask what they would have done to help settle Ds in and you should find a better suitable person, remember to follow your gut instincts and you shouldnt go too far wrong.

We had a very similar experience with DS. He was 'expelled' by the CM after just 2 weeks. Then, when I rang round other minders, I discovered that she had bad-mouthed him to a number of other childminders! He was 8 months old, fgs! Yes, he was crying a bit, but isn't that what babies often do?
We then found a lovely day nursery for him to attend, and he was very happy there right up until he went to school.
As an aside, some month later I heard the same minder in the local shops screaming like a fishwife at some poor toddler, and I thought 'Phew, what a lucky escape!)
I hope you find something great for your lovely little one soon.

I had a 10 month old little boy who didn't settle for 8 WEEKS! He didn't like having to share me with other mindees, wanted picking up all the time, didn't sleep etc. But we persevered, lots of cuddles and reassurance, routine to putting him down, so that he got some sleep.

Now he i the happiest of little boys who is always smiling.

Also had a two year old girl, who was a nightmare, cried continually, wouldn't/couldn't be comforted, had been very much the PFB, never been out of Mums sight.

6 weeks in and she suddenly settled.

And how can I say she was a nightmare........ cos that is what Mum says 7 years on and I tell Mum it wasn't so much the daughter as the MUM she says

'God I was a PFB Mum wasn't I'

Yep but aren't we all allowed to be

Anyway, the CM was totally unprofessional and you are well out of there.

Thank you all so much!

He is a lovely boy and I feel so that she is blaming this on him when really there must be something else going on.

We are in north London nomoreamover - so nowhere near you, underpaidandoverworked, which is a shame!

There are lots of nurseries round here but they have really long waiting lists even just to view. And the thing is, we really wanted ds to be with a cm in a home setting. I don't want this experience to make us doubtful of cms as I think on the whole they are wonderful.