To charge ap for *another* ruined item of clothing and trashed iron or not?

[kittywise]

Ok, I've had my AP since Dec. We've had ups and downs and some of you might remember my posts on the subject!
Against all odds it has worked out pretty ok.
She is very dippy and has no common sense but has learned from her many mistakes and she plays really well with the younger children.
She has to leave in April to go on another language course.

Now my dilema is that she has managed to spoil a number of items of clothing by putting them in the tumble drier when she was told again and again that they shouldn't go in. Items like jumpers, fleeces and tracksuit bottoms. The first couple of times I patiently explained and then started to get cross. She actiully said to me that she would have been crosser than me in the same situation!!

Anyway yesterday she comes to me saying the the hot iron must have fallen into the basket underneath the ironing board which contains pile of clothes waiting to be ironed.
She says she hadn't noticed that it had fallen. She had turned it off and gone upstairs ( how can you not notice that the iron is no longer on the ironing board?)

Consequently the iron has ruined 2 items of clothing, I'm amazed that it was only 2, one expensive gap fleece, and of course the iron is covered in burnt plastic and is now unusable. Not to mention the potential dire consequences of burning clothes.
There is a huge tank of heating oil in the basement where all the laundry stuff is. I can't begin to contemplate what would have happened to us if a fire had started down there

Now I am pissed off, it was so so careless and dangerous of her and I am faced with replacing yet more clothing.

I want to ask her to contribute towards the cost of a new fleece and say that next time I will ask her to pay the full amount for any items that need replacing because she has shrunk, burnt etc them.

What do you think? What would you do in this circ?

Ta

It is a difficult one, but I probably wouldn't have been so stupid in the first place! The only trouble is, the money you pay her is probably the only money she has. Why not tell her you will take £5 out of her pocket money for a few weeks? That way she will learn her lesson without being unfairly out of pocket. If it happened to me, I'd be a bit cross that I was giving all of my wages back in one go... So just take a fiver out every week when you pay her?

aupair, I thought of taking a tenner out this week as a one off.

I'd be pretty hacked off.

Slightly different but our AP has managed to pick up 2 parking tickets while using car for her own things...and she has paid both without expecting any contribution from us. first was £30 and second was £50. She was really silly and completely accepted that. Yes it is a huge chunk out of her £65 pw, but it is her responsibility.

She has also broken a couple of glasses here and there - we haven't charged even though I was seriously annoyed about one that is irreplaceable and used to be my Granny's. Others were ikea.

I would take at least a tenner - or perhaps invite her to replace one of the items from Gap.

I think a tenner this week as a one off would be fair - but accompany it with a serious talk about safety. How the heck she managed to knock an iron over without noticing is scary and she needs to understand what would have happened if a fire had started. We had a similar issue about a bike wheel (you might remember!) and in the end she paid towards it but she is no longer allowed to use the bike. It worked wonders on getting her to take care of our property and there was no long term hard feeling. There's clueless and dippy and then there's plain dangerous...

It always does amaze me - I caught current one midway through putting a flimsy plastic bowl in the microwave. Me: "erm, I think that might melt" AP: "ooh, didn't think of that" - I walk away thinking to myself "and you're planning on going to uni in october?"

I expect odd breakages and as I said she's already ruined a number of things.
Yes I will ask her to pay for the gap shirt, it was ds's fav top which is in itself unfortunate, but it cost a fortune. I don't often buy things so expensive.
Luckily for her I can get a replacemnt on ebay for £20.

You have your heating oil tank inside your house?! I wouldn't even be able to sleep at night! Is that even legal?!

Yes it's legal!!

I have just asked her to replace the top. I gave the the option of paying £5 weekly or doing a one off. She chose the one off.
it's very hard to know what she is thinking as what ever i say she nods and smiles.
"oh ap you could have blown us all up"
Ap nods and smiles[hmm[]

Saying that though she does over her hours. She has free time between courses and likes to play with the little ones. I never ask her to and am always around but she likes to play with them in the house, so that's a bonus.
I've had ap's who work to the minute, there'sno flexibility, no give and take.
Id much rather have a dippy laid back ap than the other extreme!

Not sure legally if you can deduct pay for that reason - I think there are strict rules on making deductions from an employees salary so I guess that would apply to au pairs too. However, if she's happy enough to pay up it probably won't become an issue.

How good is her English - I'd be worried at her nodding and smiling to everything you say! Does she really understand???

I would be a lot more worried about her judgement than the shirt.My question would be is too daft to carry on working for us, can I let her anywhere near the kids. But this is how my warped mind works.

Well. her English is pretty good, BUT I have said to her that if she nods and smiles and says yes then I assume she has understood and that I can't help her if she doesn't understand.

The positives outweigh the negs though.

She has to leave us in April and the dc's will be very sad.

I would charge her a tenner.
We once had a rubbish aupair who almost burnt dd to death in her bed. We were out,dd in bed,she was about 6 yrs old at the time,she wanted a night light on,so aupair put desk lamp against the bed,very close to duvet and then went off to her room.She didnt check on her again,when we got home i could smell burning,the duvet had started to catch light.It was so lucky we had came home at that point or house would have burnt down with my dd first to go.Still makes me go cold thinking about it

Totallyfloaty What did you do/say??

Gosh, yes what did you say?

I managed to find a replacement fleece on ebay for £10, so ap is very pleased that it didn't cost £20!

kittywise - do i remember correctly that your ap is Thai? If so - they nod and smile when they are embarrassed. Used to drive me mad when we lived in Asia!

You can't ruin fleeces and tracksuit pants by putting them in the tumble dryer, surely?!

i put fleeces in the tumble dryer all the time.

but the iron thing is unbelievable. i would go ballistic.

Yes well ALL tracksuit bottoms that have ever gone in the drier have shrunk, without exception and it doesn't matter what make they are.
I find that fleece tops shrink as well, not as much but they do.

I told her a millions times only to put cotton in the drier just to be on the safe side. We went through lessons on what cotton is ffs. Went through all the laundry, me getting her to tell me what things could go in the drier.
She is mostly ok with that now, but she is careless and absent minded and still puts tracksuit bottoms in there sometimes.

Buda, yes she is Thai and tbh I would happily have another Thai AP . The ones I have met, for example if her friends come to call, have been very sweet natured and gentle. Very good with the children, with lots of laughter.
I don't want to be had up for making sweeping statements about Thai people, but all you can go on is your experience. However, the giggling whenever I speak to her about anything really is slightly annoying. Sometimes I have to stop her middle giggle and make sure she is really listening to me

Thais are lovely warm people. They love children generally and are great with them. The giggling in embarrassment. Hard to get used to though.

Mind you easier than getting used to the fact that Bulgarians shake their head for yes and nod for no!!!!

What, all of them Buda?

All of who Lawks - Thais or Bulgarians?

The vast majority of the Thais I have come across do love children and are warm and kind people. Thailand is known as the land of smiles.

buda, I think that was a perfectly sound opinion, based on obviously extensive experience

I don't mean to be antagonistic. I just find that massive racial steriotypes jarr. Thai people are not all warm, lovely and adore children. They are people. Same as any other country full of people.

I will admit that the vast majority of Thai people I have met have indeed been warm, lovely and have made a big fuss of my children

Thanks kittywise. We lived in Bangkok for almost 3 years, Vietnam for 6 and Bulgaria for 3.

Lawks - sorry if you find generalising not to your taste but in some instances some traits can be attributed to a race. I have always found Thais (and Asians in general to be honest) much more warm and friendly than some European nationalities. Obv not all but the vast majority.

I would ban her from washing and ironing and give her a different chore instead! I know where you are coming from about the fine but I don't think it is reasonable - a good approach for a child but perhaps not for an employee.

If she can cook fab thai food I would happily do the washing myself!