Childminders, do you make children share their own toys?

[tooprecious]

I have a friend who is a childminder. Today I have been round there with my DS who is 5 (half term). One of the minded children (who is the same age and in my DS's class) had bought a toy from home which he was NOT playing with, my DS started playing with it, the minded child said, no you can't play with that (fair enough that is what children do). However my friend (the childminder), said I can't make hime share that as it is his. My DS was visibly quite upset by this and I was shocked. I never say that children can't play with things because it is my DS's. I now feel that when the minded child comes to my house why should I make my DS share his toys (I would'nt do that as it is wrong IMHO) but I am and about this. I was'nt a special toy like a comforter BTW.

Do you as childminders make minded children share their toys or put them away until home time? Am I being precious?

If they bring it into the play room then they have to share it. If they leave it in their box, then no-one can touch it.

Share and share alike IMO, unless it is a special comforter he should definitely be sharing ... The sooner they get used to that the better.

Same here, if they bring to my house and aren't playing with it then it's to share. Special comforters are usually put away for naptime etc. but otherwise they have to share. Same with my ds1, if he brings something downstairs then has to be willing to share. She should be teaching them to share and this is only going to make things worse!

We share all toys

I expect mindees to only bring toys/books they are happy to show and share with us. If they don't want to share their toy, it should be left at home IMO. (except for comforters, which go back in the child's day bag when not in use).

With my own children, I expected them to keep the toys they didn't want to share in their room (eg new birthday pressie). Anything they brought downstairs had to be shared.

Oh good, it is not just me then!

As a CM, this is one of the things that drives me bonkers.

My kids share all their toys with the minded children. When the mindees bring stuff round, I encourage them to share their toy too, but it's always a struggle.

sharing toys is one of the lessons she should be teaching, like taking turns. If a toy is that special it should be left at home.Comfertors and dummys are just for nap times and then put away in the childrens bags. she is doing that child no favours and you are right to be cross.

Can I ask, how you would tackle it if you were me please?

If its a comforter then no, noone shares it as its there "special" thing - but any other toys is up for grabs if its lying on the floor in the playroom!

There are toys that are made for sharing and toys that aren't - teddies, dolls, cars etc (and their paraphernalia, like clothes) ought to be considered "personal" and out of bounds to other children unless invited by their owner to share.

Puzzles, board games etc are quite different and are designed to be shared.

If you bring it share it, unless it is a comforter, dummy etc.

I had a little girl who bought 2 nailvarnihes once, she got them back at home time.

I explain to mindee's and their parents that any toys brought from home will be shared (excluding comforter objects, which are put out of reach until needed), and also that they shouldn't bring anything that they would be devastated if it were lost or broken. It is very upsetting for my DS who shares his home, mum and all his toys generously, to then not be allowed to share one toy that a mindee brings in and I wouldn't allow it.

OP, not much you can do in another person's home, do think it is odd that a cm isn't teaching her mindees to share though.

i dont really agree with you Anna, precious toys should stay at home.. Of course most children have one dummy or a special blanket but you cant have one child bringing lots of toys that cant be shared.. would cause mayhem in my setting anyway.. if mindees bring too many home toys its difficult to track them and a real pain to be honest.
too precious.... i would tell your friend how you feel, and say that she is teaching her mindee to be selfish and spiteful. All my kids were taught to share and i teach my mindees to do the same.

Sometimes they find sharing very difficult, especially when they're very young, so I'd never insist that they must share a toy they've brought from home. They are given the choice of sharing it or putting it up in their box until they go home. They can change their minds if they want to.
I have the playroom toys, which are all shared by everyone, and my child's own toys which are kept in his room and shared only if he wants to.

Tooprecious, you ask how you can tackle it. I don't think you should tackle it at all. It's your friend's house and visitors play by her rules. You can't ask her to change her way of working to suit you because you don't know if there's a reason for her to make this rule. The parent might have insisted that the item wasn't shared, or the child might have difficulties that your friend can't discuss with you.

It is good to see that most people are on the same wavelenghth.

Anna, I could'nt disagree more.

Tanith, I agree with most of what you have said and I do agree that the child should have the choice of putting the toy away until they go home or sharing. But I totally diagree that I can't ask her to change her rules, my DS was very upset because he is always made to share and could not understand why this child was not. Either that or I just won't take my child there.

I also think that childcare providers need to teach children and sharing is very important.

I am very strict about this. We share. If my children don't want to share something then they have to keep it/play with it upstairs. Anything brought downstairs is to be shared. If a mindee brings a toy other than a special comfort object then I insist it is put away in their bag unless they are going to share. I do not encourage them to bring things unless it is something interesting they paticularly want to show me, too much hassle, could get damaged/broken and probably cause arguments.

I am very strict about this. We share. If my children don't want to share something then they have to keep it/play with it upstairs. Anything brought downstairs is to be shared. If a mindee brings a toy other than a special comfort object then I insist it is put away in their bag unless they are going to share. I do not encourage them to bring things unless it is something interesting they paticularly want to show me, too much hassle, could get damaged/broken and probably cause arguments.

I had the 'share' rule on the same lines as other threads, where if it was brought down or into setting by mindees or my own kids it was shared, until one day when I was distracted by a dirty nappy and one of the children's xmas present barbies was drawn all over with a felt tip one of the kids had found. The child was distraught, especially as she still believed that father christmas had brought it and no human would be able to replace it. The parent was not amused either. I have a rule now ANYTHING that is brought into the setting is put in our SAFE bag which is kept by the front door, and is given back to the child as they leave to go home. The kids and parents soon got used to this and it has not presented a problem. My kids leave their toys upstairs. I have toys and activities coming out of my ears which are all available to the children - as far as I am concerned there is no reason for any more to be brought into the setting. I know I sound hard, but that incident caused real upset for everyone concerned.

Tanith, if any of my parent sent their child with a toy and insisted it couldnt be shared then i would ask them to take it home or put it away till home time.
A cm cant enforce that kind of rule, totally unfair and devisive, kids need to know where they stand. if its in the setting then its to be shared except for dummys and comfertors.
agree with Tooprecious, its her job to teach him to share. I would definatly have a word or give up the visits to be honest.

"But I totally disagree that I can't ask her to change her rules"

I disagree with this your friend is running a bussiness - you wouldn't go into another bussiness for example a harvester and because they wouldnt let your DS cook on the ovens ask them to change their rules to suit you or make the zoo allow your son to feed the lions because it makes him upset that he can't.

You also raise the point when the minded child comes to your house why should you let him share your ds's toys? - to be honest that sounds quite spiteful - your ds had access to a wide variety of the childminders toys and was only told he couldn't play with 1 toy - a special/new toy possibly we don't know and there is a difference between this and the minded boy saying he couldn't play with any of the toys and your DS not having access to any toy or activity.

You can also do this at your house - you may put away toys with lots of pieces for fear of them being lost, not allow a child to get the paints/playdough out as it will make a mess or not allow the child to play with your sons new special toy that he saved his pocket money for - would the childminder then be allowed to say "well, you either let him play with the paints, play with Ds's brand new thomas the tank engine (etc) or we don't come round to see you"

Twims - What a strange post.

How exactly is it strange NBM .

The op asked if she could make the child share his toys and said that she thought it acceptable to make her friend change her rules.

I was pointing out that she wouldn't ask other bussinesses to change their rules if they didn't suit her.

And again as I mentioned the child wasn't deprived of all the toys - just the 1 toy - so didn't really see the cause of complaint as, I went on to say, I imagine that some toys are off limits when the child comes to play at her house.

How exactly is it strange NBM .

The op asked if she could make the child share his toys and said that she thought it acceptable to make her friend change her rules.

I was pointing out that she wouldn't ask other bussinesses to change their rules if they didn't suit her.

And again as I mentioned the child wasn't deprived of all the toys - just the 1 toy - so didn't really see the cause of complaint as, I went on to say, I imagine that some toys are off limits when the child comes to play at her house.

I can sort of see where the childminder from OP's post is coming from - ie. if your son broke the other boy's toy, it might cause a problem, etc.

That said, I agree that all toys within a child-based setting should be shared and he shouldn't have brought it from home if they are not prepared to risk it being broken (just my opinion but maybe the childminder thinks otherwise).