Odd nanny candidate ---- or is it just me? All a bit suss...(long sorry)

[henrys7thwife]

We put up an advert for a part-time nanny a few days ago. We interviewed a lovely Australian girl (Nanny A) whom we got along with very well but who hasn't worked for about 18 months and seems to need a job right away - which is fair enough I suppose. We interviewed her on Sunday and asked her to email us details of her references on the following day.

She emailed less than an hour after leaving our home with 2 telephone references and an email address for a much older position, one that she left about 4 years ago saying that she didn't normally give out this person as a reference but they had 2 children close together as we do and so she thought it would be relevant. She included in the email that she was extremely interested in the position and it was exactly what she was looking for, dream job, etc etc. We only are looking for about 10 hours per week and she hasn't said definitively what she's doing the rest of the time.

Before we can even check references, two days later I receive an email from another candidate, Nanny B, a bit of a vague response, but basically along the lines of 'I am very interested in your position please tell me ASAP if you have found someone or if I can come for interview, maybe you have someone already...' Odd bit? This is from the EXACT email address Nanny A provided us as the 4-year-old reference contact.

I emailed Nanny A asking about this and she quickly replied back 'Oh sorry, it wasn't xxx.xxxx123@yahoo it was xxx.xxxx1234@yahoo'. Also another spiel about how she really wanted job and could we get back to her ASAP.

Am I right in being suspicious of this? Otherwise we got along with her very well and probably would have offered her the job but her extreme exuberance and seeming need to start literally tomorrow. I am scared to even email the reference...thinking it may all be a sham and her mate or something on the other end.

Where are all the good part-time nannies

Wow, lucky escape for you! What a nutcase!

thebody - tbh lots of nannies do dislike having mums at home, I know I do. Can make the job much harder and children often play up around mum when they're good as gold for a nanny.

tbh most nannies do hate mums being at home as the children play up,winge more as most parents wont back up the nanny

u type quicker than me tankie

I too find it frustrating (tho my employer is well aware of how they play up so keeps out of the way during meals/sleep times which helps loads!)... But either way, this nanny is ridiculous! Poor you! its the whole 'you can't break up with me because im dumping you first' thing!

Wow, what an e-mail!
Maybe she was in jail during the missing 18 months?

Meet them...suss them out, looking after your child, so must have the best. Apart from interview, spend time with them with you kids too (duh obvious) sorry not supposed to be insulting. Explore more nannies/childminders until u feel comfortable.

blimey that was a lucky escape!

She sounds about 12! That is a desperately immature response. Lucky escape, I reckon...

Email her back, "sorry nanny A, I had intended to send that first email to a different candidate but got the addresses mixed up. But due to your, frankly bizarre response I am afraid we wont be hiring you either. Loon."

[mean face]

Whew! Thanks all for reassuring me. I really am grateful she messed up or else there is a strong chance we would have employed her. The two phone references she gave were full of nothing but positive praise (one of the families was Australian - wonder if it was her mate ).

Should I give her name? Afraid that's some sort of confidentiality breach?

I think you'd be on dodgy ground giving her name out on a public board like this.

Yeah, I agree. Did like the suggestion though as if she doesn't make this mistake again it will be hard for others to recognise her true self, we had the wool pulled over our eyes and it was only by her own ineptitude that we didn't hire her.

We have just employed our first nanny after the one who we know could not job as her DP was made redudant and had to move.We have hired some one with references dating back to 1996. I spoke to the current and former emplyer in 2000 who gave excellent references. Having read this I am getting really anxious and worried as I am starting work in March and she is starting the last week of this month. She seems to be like a pro and I do like her.Any suugestions hoe the relationship shoud be and How I should behave as I was very friendly with her when she came home to sign the contract. Any adv welcome

Remember she works for you and you should not be too friendly straight away.

I disagree, there's nothing wrong with being friendly! Just make sure you lay the rules down clearly for both sides right at the beginning - it's easy to relax things later, but not easy go the other way. If there are things that are really important to you - children always sleeping/eating at home, no sweets or tv etc - make them clear from the start. Be specific in exactly what nursery duties you want done each week, what classes you want them to go to.

Also, make sure you stick to the terms you agree with the nanny - be home on time, it's better to make her hours 15/30 minutes longer than you think you need to allow for traffic and be able to let her go home a little early, than be 10 minutes late a few times a week. Try not to spring last minute overtime or babysitting on her and don't add extra duties like your laundry or errands.

Don't be too friendly so that you can't get back any authority is what I meant.

disagree about being not being friendly

i m very friendly and on excellent terms with my mb/db but if they asked me to do something i would

sams73 - why are you anxious?

you have checked out her ref, talking to current and former employers

i have ref dating back to 1991 but no one calls them but all refernces are in my folder

I think the key thing is to have a contract which sets out expectations as clearly as possible. Most issues are about misunderstandings. It might seem a bit anal to write everything down, but it really does help. Things like how holidays are going to be organised, the exact hours (we had a problem with one nanny when we disagreed on hours - I was often home early when she first started, and then when work picked up came home at the agreed time. She had obviously got used to the earlier time and thought I was late, and got very peeved). With smaller children using a diary can be very helpful, and a nice record - I know exactly what the children ate, how much they slept and where they went for about two years.

Friendly is good, just needs to be professional too. The more that is explicit the easier that is.

One thing that has been important for us to learn/remember is that the employer/nanny relationship gives the employer quite a lot of power - a nanny is a lone employee in quite an intense relationship, and she doesn't have colleagues to test out "Is this OK, am I being unreasonable, are they?" and so on. She has to rely on her own judgment & perspective, which like anyone's can get unclear.

Add to that - generalisation, I know, but - employers of nannies tend to have jobs which depend on confidence, ability to get your point across, win your argument ... and of course nannies don't, in the same way, so you can't necessarily expect them to be able to do persuading of parents at business-negotiation level.

So a big lesson for us was making sure our nanny wasn't "put on the spot" about anything that needed discussion - that, especially, dh (dear as he is, he's quite Well That's Settled Then, Great) gave our nanny time to think about our suggestions, a sympathetic ear for her point of view, readiness to think through compromises, etc. NOT treating it like your commercial negotiation thing.

To the extent we've ever had problems (and we haven't had ANY for years now) it's been about our nanny feeling she hasn't properly been given her say.

Our fabulous middle nanny had come from a family with five children, including one with ADHD. Sadly the family had not treated her very well, in that they hadn't paid her taxes properly for years, and she had to take them to court. I don't know if she learned from that experience, but she certainly managed us very well We haven't been in touch for a while, but I hope that she is well, and another family are enjoying her, and she them.

Good point Bink - I think also the quite personal relationship a nanny has with the parents (and love/affection for the children) means they feel obliged towards them in a way you wouldn't to your manager in a shop or office.

I am anxious because it is our first time and she has been nannying for more than 20 years. She seems to be a nice person and I have covered most of the things said here in the contract( SHE DID THE CONTRACT AND GAVE A IT FOR OUR AMENDMENTS AND HAS AGREED TO WHAT WE SAID WHICH WAS VERY REASONABLE).She has always stayed with families for long time - longest was 6 years and the current employer did say the only reason that they had to let her go is that their 2 DS are in full time education. It is difficult for me to lay down strict rules at the beginning given the fact that the references said that she is fab and always does a lot of work with children, very little TV, good nutritious healthy food given, outdoor activites planned and executed well ie., in theory I should not be anxious but I AM.

I am anxious because it is our first time and she has been nannying for more than 20 years. She seems to be a nice person and I have covered most of the things said here in the contract( SHE DID THE CONTRACT AND GAVE A IT FOR OUR AMENDMENTS AND HAS AGREED TO WHAT WE SAID WHICH WAS VERY REASONABLE).She has always stayed with families for long time - longest was 6 years and the current employer did say the only reason that they had to let her go is that their 2 DS are in full time education. It is difficult for me to lay down strict rules at the beginning given the fact that the references said that she is fab and always does a lot of work with children, very little TV, good nutritious healthy food given, outdoor activites planned and executed well ie., in theory I should not be anxious but I AM.

Sams, I am sure that your new nanny will be lovely, and that things will work out just fine. It's not about strict rules though, just about expectations, and it is useful for both parties. It may be that your contract sets out everything you need, which is fine, but have you thought about how you would manage days out, meals, discipline, holidays, and written it down? These are often things where assumptions are made, and it is useful to think things through. For example one nanny we had assumed that her holiday allowance was separate from time we gave her when we went on holiday, and that was difficult when she thought she should get paid for time off, and we thought her allowance had been used up. You never quite know what might be a difference in approach.