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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

calling all the mums - could you maybe explain this to me please..!

32 replies

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 30/12/2008 23:29

I'm in bits

I had a job all lined up to go to in the new year, was about to sign the contract on friday. I was offered the job on the 14th Dec and I turned down several job offers and interviews as I though this job was the one. I have had many phone conversations with the mother that have all gone well.

Originally the mother wanted me to just start on Jan 5th without meeting her DD, but I really felt it was a good idea to meet her yesterday so I popped along for an hour to see her, but the little girl was playing with the housekeeper and the mother hadn't told her who I was so the little girl let me join in with her games but obviously didn't "bond" with me immediately as she was probably a bit confused and with her (much loved it seems) housekeeper and her mother. I spoke to the mother briefly and she seemed fine about everything, we discussed the contract and all seemed normal...

... then about 2 hours ago, the mother text me saying
"I am so terribly sorry but we have decided not to employ you. Somehow I got the feeling that you will not be able to get on with (DD)"

WTF???

I called and left several messages then she finally sent me another text that said "I am so terribly sorry but want to stick to my gut feeling"

this has NEVER happened to me before, I have no idea where it has come from... can any mums shed any light on what she means??

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Ebb · 30/12/2008 23:45

Poor you! How bizzare that the mother didn't want you to meet the daughter in the first place! I can't imagine many Mums doing that. She sounds a bit strange. It must be really annoying that you've turned down interviews / jobs in the mean time. Did you go through an agency? Can they shed any light on it? The mother was being seriously unrealistic if she thought her DD was going to 'bond' with you straight away. Most children need time to adapt to a new carer. I hope you find something else soon.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 30/12/2008 23:52

no, it was through gumtree.com so no come back from that,

I've sent a so many messages, I just want an explanation really, I've never had a problem getting on with any child so this has come as a bit of a shock to me.

I was a bit thrown by the HK being there too, they (the Mum and HK) kept speaking to each other in their language (not sure what it was!)

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magicofchristmas · 31/12/2008 00:58

I would have felt very uncomfortable not being able to understand what they were saying, I think it was pretty rude of them, even if the HK couldn't speak english I would have expected the mum to explain this. Sounds like you had a lucky escape and this was not for you. What a horrible thing to happen at last minute tho especially since you turned other work down.

Good luck.

Weegle · 31/12/2008 09:03

It's shocking for you but I think you're best out of it. Imagine how excluded you'd feel in a job where you couldn't understand conversations on a regular basis.

Also agree that bonds don't happen in an hour! We're on our third au pair and DS takes at least 4 weeks to play with them, and about 8 weeks to be left happily with them.

Think you're best off out of it and use it as a learning experience to keep all other avenues open until it's a done deal.

Good luck

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2008 12:17

as the mum/hk seem to be foreign and obviously rude to sepak in their language, seems you may have had a lucky escape

though obv doesnt help the fact that you dont have a job now

least you didnt hand in your notice for this job, if that makes you feel any better

never accept a job with out meeting children

good luck in finding one in the new year

thebody · 31/12/2008 13:46

How awful and annoying for you but frankly think you had a lucky escape. Its their loss and obviously not any fault of yours, better luck next time mate....

MaureenMLove · 31/12/2008 13:53

Aw, poor you, but I think the wording of her first text says it all. 'we have decided not to employ you.' Someone who shows such little respect for you and suggests that she is employing you is not someone you need on your books frankly.

Its a horrible feeling now, I'm sure, but I think you may have had a very lucky escape.

NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 13:55

I think you need to assume this is the mothers issue and not because you were not brilliant.

I took a nanny job. At the beginning of the third week I was given a weeks notice and I know it was because she found out I had been in care. I met the next nanny by chance and knew I had had a lucky escape.

Let this go and get yourself a better job. It is her loss.

NAB3lovelychildren · 31/12/2008 13:57

I remember going for one interview and when I got there it was with the outgoing nanny or housekeeper (not sure which.) I was not impressed.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 31/12/2008 14:33

I think I have to let it go now, she is still avoiding the question so I assume I will never get an actual answer, she has just left me a voicemail btw.

I have text her that I feel she has treated me with such contempt that I deserve an answer, but that I would like to meet with her face to face on friday so that she can give me an answer (I'd like to point out it wasn't said in a threatening manner, more a 'you leave me no choice but to ask that I see you on friday' etc kind of way...)

... she has just left a voicemail telling me that she is appalled at how someone so aggressive can look after children+she never expected such a reaction from me (??!)
and that if I come near her house she will call the police as there is a child in the house!!

well thats the end of that then!

I'm just so annoyed that people feel it is ok to treat others like this, but I'm done with it now.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2008 15:59

OMG

she sounds a nutter - best you leave her alone and thank your lucky stars you have escaped working for her!!

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 16:04

This is probably fanning the flames, but do you realise you can take legal action if she has reneged on a firm offer of a job, and you have turned down other possibilities to take it?? Flowerybeanbag may know more about this.

However I agree with Blondes, she's a nutter and you are best off out of there.

ilovelovemydog · 31/12/2008 16:22

You had a very very lucky escape there! Imagine if you were employed there and you had a disagreement with the housekeeper, the mom or the child?

There may or may not be contractual claims potentially, but it really isn't worth the hassle.

I would however write an email to Gumtree about it all. She sounds seriously weird, and you acted reasonably throughout - especially in wanting to meet the child before you started work!

If it was me, I'd text her back and say something like, 'thanks for your voicemail. Am sure the police will respond immediately to someone knocking on the door...'

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 16:56

It would teach the cow a lesson though ...!

But yes, it would be hassle.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 31/12/2008 17:09

I've had a quick google and I actually can claim compensation for her as -

"once you've accepted an unconditional offer, and the prospective employer withdraws it, you can claim for compensation for breach of contract."

"The contract is made as soon as you accept the offer, and both sides are bound by the terms until the contract is terminated"

"Not all the terms of a contract are written down. A breach may be of a verbally agreed term, a written term, or an 'implied' term of a contract"

there is a bit of me that wants to seek advice about this as I don't want her to think that she can treat people in this manner... obviously, she isn't going to employ me and its a bit of a lost cause but I am appalled by the way she has treated me.

hassle yes, but its not like I have a job to concern myself with now is it? lol

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BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 17:43

Well, as I understand it, you could get the equivalent to what the notice period would have been, eg one week, one month, or whatever you agreed.

I reckon a quick trip down to the CAB to get help drafting a letter pointing out the relevant section of the law, and stating the amount you would be happy with, would be a good step.

It may be because she is from overseas she does not realise she has broken the law here.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 31/12/2008 18:50

... maybe, but come the new year she'll be quite aware of the law!

I'm going to mooch on down to my local CAB next week, will report back then!

thanks to everyone who replied btw, she really made me question myself+my abilities but I see now that its nothing to do with me

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BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 19:13

I am very impressed! Woman after my own heart!!

I think it might be helpful to other potential nannies if you do give her a bit of a scare in a letter, because she is very out of step with employment law here and this needs pointing out.

Lady in Bishop's Stortford on another thread may be desparate for a temp nanny/mother's help for two weeks, btw. Are you near??

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childminders_nannies_au_pairs_etc/674264-Problem-with-Au-Pair-need-advice?msgid =13725488#13725488

SittingBull · 31/12/2008 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kittywise · 31/12/2008 19:26

A verbal agreement is useless because you cannot prove that she offered you a position. There is no point trying to claim for anything as she can simply say she never made such an offer.

I think you both handled it badly. It was wrong of you to persue the woman. She didn't like you in the end and that's that.

If she has a gut feeling that you are not right then that's fine HOWEVER, she SHOULDN"T have made an offer without her daughter being involved.

Just look at it as a lesson learned and move on.

Squiffy · 31/12/2008 19:38

Officially you are entitled to the notice period per the contract. If there isn't a notice period specified in the contract then the standard I am sure is one week's pay.

However..... your text has somewhat upped the ante. I am fairly sure that if you send her a formal letter asking her to pay for your notice period then she will probably ignore it. The only option then is to send a legal letter, but the cost of that will probably wipe out the money you might get and she could still ignore it. If you chased her in the courts for breach of contract you can do it without legal representation and it doesn't cost much, but it will take an age, I'm afraid.

kittywise · 31/12/2008 19:55

also there's no proof, it's your word against hers.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 31/12/2008 20:10

in hindsight, I think I did act somewhat on impulse however, you need to understand where I was coming from.

I turned down several job offers+cancelled several interviews for this job, she didn't even call me she text me from some random other number and then proceeded to childishly hang up her phone when I called her to ask - and she bloody text me at nearly 10pm the day after I had met her - surely her gut feeling could have mentioned something the previous day

it is not my word against hers at all - I have a voicemail confirming that she 'is looking forward to me starting on the 5th'

regardless of whether I get anything in the end, I want her to be aware that it isn't right to do this to someone - maybe I have acted somewhat unprofessionally, but it was all response to how she treated me, can you image getting such a text at 10pm?? after the job was offered to you on at the start of december?? try to understand how I must of felt before you judge, I felt horrible, I spent the whole night in tears worrying about my future. its a crappy economic climate to be finding a job, and now I have all that to look forward to in the new year - all that led to me saying what I said.

I will pursue this because she has treated me with contempt - I would have had the upmost respect for her if she had answered my first call + simply said why she didn't like me. but she won't even do that+I'm sorry but that hurts.

OP posts:

kittywise · 31/12/2008 20:12

I honestly don't think it is worth the effort. Be angry and move on.

Original poster

wewishyouawitchiechristmas · 31/12/2008 20:21

I fear we may have to agree to disagree

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