calling all the mums - could you maybe explain this to me please..!

[wewishyouawitchiechristmas]

I'm in bits

I had a job all lined up to go to in the new year, was about to sign the contract on friday. I was offered the job on the 14th Dec and I turned down several job offers and interviews as I though this job was the one. I have had many phone conversations with the mother that have all gone well.

Originally the mother wanted me to just start on Jan 5th without meeting her DD, but I really felt it was a good idea to meet her yesterday so I popped along for an hour to see her, but the little girl was playing with the housekeeper and the mother hadn't told her who I was so the little girl let me join in with her games but obviously didn't "bond" with me immediately as she was probably a bit confused and with her (much loved it seems) housekeeper and her mother. I spoke to the mother briefly and she seemed fine about everything, we discussed the contract and all seemed normal...

... then about 2 hours ago, the mother text me saying
"I am so terribly sorry but we have decided not to employ you. Somehow I got the feeling that you will not be able to get on with (DD)"

WTF???

I called and left several messages then she finally sent me another text that said "I am so terribly sorry but want to stick to my gut feeling"

this has NEVER happened to me before, I have no idea where it has come from... can any mums shed any light on what she means??

Yes, some people are crappy. I think it would be a shame for you to put your energies into her that's all

I think this mum is a coward. I think she knew she did not want to hire you when you went around (hence the conversations in another language and not introducing you as the new nanny). I think her decision not to hire you had nothing to do with your performance or her child's lack of bonding. It is probably something more like she told the HK she hired ananny. HK was offended, and in atttempt to look after her existing employee she changed her mind, but did not have the decency to be upfront and honest with you. She is obviously not a professional employer and you are better off without her.

I understand why you are angry. But I agree with the comments that your reaction was not quite professional.

I just left my job for a new one (last day is tomorrow -- yippee!!!), and I did not resign or stop talking to other companies until the moment I had a signed contract from them, and I signed it myself. So, hopefully, you have learned from this that nothing is a done deal until you have it in writing. And any prospective employer should understand that you need an offer in writing in order to accept it.

Anyway, she is a loon and you are better off without her.

Oh, and I would probably send that letter politely and professionally asking for one week's pay. She probably won't respond. Then I'd send another informing her that I intend to take her to court if she does not respond. Then, I'd probably let it go because really you are probably not going to win. But I would have a bit of fun making her worry as much as she made me worry.

Good luck what ever you decide. And good luck on the job hunt. Where are you? Where are you looking? Live-in or out?

as you have proof in your voice mail that she offered you a job, i would def send a letter - make sure message doesnt deleteafter x many days or bluetooth it to your computer etc

agree with hind sight that you prob didnt go about replying in the right way but there is nothing you can do about that now

agree until you have signed a contract nothing is set in stone

so a short polite letter saying that she owes you a weeks wages etc should be sent and see what happens

you have nothing to lose

Fab post from AtheneNoctua- there is some very good advice there, you'd be wise to follow it in my opinion.

I never give my notice in until I have signed contracts with a new employer or have a written offer of employment in writing.

I would keep any communication that you have with her as professional and factual as possible. Do you have her email address? I think that would be far more appropriate than sending a text which can often be easily misinterpreted.

I agree, very wise and insightful post indeed from Athene.

Horrible situation for you I know but I can't help but put myself in the shoes of the mum who is obviously sadly not a woman who can stick with a decision. She should never have offered you the job until she'd had the chance to access how you got on with her child but maybe on reflection after your meeting (which sounded so awful) she felt you didn't bond with her child.

Something similar happened to me but thankfully I hadn't made the nanny (very junior I add) a firm offer. When I saw how she was on her trial day I couldn't get rid of her quick enough I'm afriad. After that she bombarded me with texts and calls and even got family member to call me and demand a meeting. Very intimadating and just a horrible experience.

I'd say just drop it and leave them to it - I'm sure you'll find a lovely family who will appreciate you.

did she know about your tatoos / piercings beforehand ????

not nice i know,but maybe this had an effect on her decision?