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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Does AP have xmas and boxing day off and 2 other days off that week?

47 replies

stressed2007 · 22/12/2008 15:01

Hi I wondered how everyone else did this with their AP? Our AP does not want to go home for Xmas (she has recently been home)- is she automaticaly entitled to xmas and boxing day off as holiday? We will probably go to my parents these days and if she comes I suspect (if past experience with other APs is anything to go by) she will do nothing much to help and will enjoy the day like the attendees without kids. What I don't want is that after Thurday and Friday she then expects Saturday and Sunday off as her days off meaning we have had little help this week. Of course if she does as much as the rest of us on the 2 days that is a different matter. What do you suggest and what is "normal"? Thanks

OP posts:

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jura · 22/12/2008 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

stressed2007 · 22/12/2008 15:15

mmm...well my AP only been here for 5 weeks and has already been home once so no way will she have the time off between xmas and new year - that was one of the points of having AP as the nursery is closed and we wanted some help. So do you think Xmas day and boxing day should be her 2 days off for the week or she should she have these and then 2 other days also? Also not sure my extended famiy would want her in situ with us at the famiy get tgther if she isn't meant to be helping out if you know what I mean as she is a stranger to them

OP posts:

Original poster

stressed2007 · 22/12/2008 15:17

Also how in practical terms is she going to have christmas day and boxing day off if she has asked to come with us to my parents those days?

OP posts:

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 22/12/2008 15:25

Well if she has asked to come it is up to you to set the ground rules and let her know that you do expect her to help out and specify what you want her to do, although at the end of the day christmas only happens once a year, so it would be a little harsh to make her work her full hours on those days.

I think that is fairer and more realistic than expecting her to make up time over the weekend.

jura · 22/12/2008 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weegle · 22/12/2008 16:44

well my AP has gone home today until 2nd Jan - so has all that time off - and paid!

However, last year we did have an AP with us over Christmas. However she was expected to muck in and help as much with preparations and clearing up as anyone else. However we didn't need to ask, she was that sort of person. If she didn't I would have made it clear it was expected, especially as we were all guests in my parent's home. But beyond the chipping in and helping then she wasn't expected to do usual chores etc. Once home it was business as usual for all of us. But you certainly can't take away her weekend days - if you are working you get bank hols without having your weekend days away!

Weegle · 22/12/2008 16:57

Actually I'm a little taken aback by the way you've worded things but maybe I'm reading things wrongly... she's part of your family and as such if she's with you over Christmas you need to welcome her in to your celebrations - the flip side of that coin is that she should muck in at your parent's with chopping veg, washing up etc presumably like the rest of you. If she's not the sort to do that naturally then obviously say "X, you can peel the spuds" when you get there or whatever. I can't believe you'd even think of leaving her at home or taking her usual days off away from her. Our AP's frequently come to my parents with us and she is made as welcome there as in our home but then they don't just sit on their bum doing nothing just because it is their day off, they help out with meal preps etc in the same way they do on their days off at home.

Coldtits · 22/12/2008 17:09

It's a bank holiday. Welcome to the world of employment. They have rights, not just duties.

Coldtits · 22/12/2008 17:11

PS you can't take her to your mother's specifically to cook the Christmas dinner. She's supposed to be treated as a member of the family and I don't mean Fanny Price.

ssd · 22/12/2008 17:14

op, your post is quite shocking

if you don't treat your au pair with respect and kindness, how do you think she'll treat your kids and home?

Weegle · 22/12/2008 17:15

No she can't be taken to cook the dinner, but if she's going as a fully included member of the family (and treated as such) then part of that should be mucking in and helping same as everyone else.

OP - I truly hope you've thought how to make this Christmas special for the AP - she is likely to be homesick being away from home at this time of year. Please please please include her as an equal and part of the family.

Millarkie · 22/12/2008 17:18

What kind of jobs does she usually do? (Mine is mainly needed for afterschool child supervision so is not needed in the hols (indeed she has gone home for each school holiday).
If it's tidying up/kids washing can it not wait until after the weekend?
I think I would favor giving her a choice between going to your parents but being clear that she would need to help out when there, and having the weekend off..or staying at home if she prefers but knowing that she will have to catch up with kids washing (or whatever) so may want to put a load on Boxing day or sat/sun.
I'm obviously a meanie though because I don't pay my AP for weeks when she goes home (3 weeks out of 5 months) but I have had her family members/boyfriend stay over here for a number of weekends so hopefully I'm not too mean.

Miyazaki · 22/12/2008 17:19

of course she should get Sat and Sun off as normal! bloody hell.

Weegle · 22/12/2008 17:24

In fact if I have AP's with us over birthdays/Christmas/Easter etc I always make more of an effort to include them as they are likely to be feeling homesick and that is how I would like someone to treat my child if they were away from home. They get additional treats and thoughtful gifts. They are included in most things we do with our families and welcomed in our celebrations. The cultural exchange is very much part of the AP'ing idea. A little kindness goes a long way to having an able-bodied person mucking in to help with all the preparations and clearing up. Spirit of Christmas and all that. I couldn't relax and enjoy Christmas knowing a member of my household was excluded or expected to do more than anyone else.

piscesmoon · 22/12/2008 17:26

I thought the whole point of having an au pair was that they were here to learn the language and you got help around the house and they lived like a friend of the family? I would treat them the way I wanted my DC treated if they went to a different country as a au pair. I don't think there is any question that she should get the weekend off.

piscesmoon · 22/12/2008 17:27

Oh good Weegle-I see I am not alone-we cross posted.

NewTeacher · 22/12/2008 18:32

Xmas and boxing days are holidays so she shouldnt be working. Her usual 2 days off should stay as they are so yes this week will be a much shorter working week.

If she is going to your parents she should help as much as everyone else. ie not sitting on the sofa whilst everyone else is washing dishes etc. A gentle nudge to help out I guess.

Hope you have a good xmas!

Anna8888 · 22/12/2008 18:34

stressed2007 - why would it be reasonable to expect your AP not to work Christmas Day and Boxing Day and then to expect her to work Saturday and Sunday?

nannynick · 22/12/2008 18:40

I would say that an AP is not automatically entitled to a day off on Xmas day and Boxing day. I do not feel that an AP is an employee (though I do consider that a live-in Mothers help is an employee) thus someone in the UK on an AuPair visa I don't think is entitled automatically to Xmas Day and Boxing Day off.
It gets a bit messy employment law wise, so perhaps we should steer away from that and look more towards what we would consider to be fair to someone who has come to strange country to learn about culture, experience family life, help with learning the language.
I feel they should be involved with whatever the family they are staying with are doing over the Xmas period. Like any big sister/brother they should be prepared to help out, not just lay in bed all day. However as the usual home routines won't apply, so their duties would change... possibly in this case to keeping the children entertained/supervised for a few hours, helping with washing up/stacking dishwasher etc.
I do feel that the AP should have their regular days off - so if they don't usually work Sat/Sun, then those should remain their days off. Likewise if they didn't work on a Thursday, you couldn't insist that they helped out for a bit on Xmas Day.
Treat them like a teenage daughter/son... if they usually help out Mon-Fri, then Xmas week isn't any different... I feel they should still help out, though the actual duties may well be quite different.

piscesmoon · 22/12/2008 18:59

You could take the opportunity to learn about other cultures, especially good for your DCs. See what her Christmas traditions are, perhaps she could cook a special meal on Christmas Eve or do something with the DCs that children do in her country. If you expect her to do what a daughter that age would do you can't go far wrong. I don't think she should be made to feel like a poor relation.

poinsettydog · 22/12/2008 19:11

oh dear. Au apirs are meant to be treated more like a member of the family and yet she would be a 'stranger' at your in-laws and would be expected to be helping out?

Is it really too hard to be welcoming and hospitable to someone spending Christmas in a foreign country? Would it be so hard to chat to her and think of a few games that involved everyone? Is it not Christmas

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 22/12/2008 19:40

I was trying to say what Nannynick said so much better.

Another thing that grates with me a bit about the original post is the bit about the AP "enjoying the day like the attendees without children". Yes well that's because she doesn't have children, the OP does.

Whilst I understand that parents are perfectly entitled to assistance and an AP is a great way to facilitate that, surely the OPs DCs will be primarily looking forward to their parents company and attention over the Christmas period.

ssd · 22/12/2008 22:02

I didn't understand the "attendees" remark

I don't think the op can cope with the kids and the house for 4 whole days without passing the work to her au pair, hence her op

sad really, poor kids, poor au pair, she won't be there long

ssd · 22/12/2008 22:04

I see from her opening post she has had other AP's

not surprising

tankie · 22/12/2008 22:18

stressed - be kind to her, she's a long way from home at Christmas. Take her with you to your parents but before you go just mention to her that you need her to muck in a bit while you're there. There's no harm in gently prodding her into action while you're there too - "AP, can you give me a hand clearing the table/fetch grandma a drink/help DD get her coat and shoes on" or whatever. Make her feel welcome though, treat her like a family friend, not a stranger!

She should have the weekend off as usual too.

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