Does AP have xmas and boxing day off and 2 other days off that week?

[stressed2007]

Hi I wondered how everyone else did this with their AP? Our AP does not want to go home for Xmas (she has recently been home)- is she automaticaly entitled to xmas and boxing day off as holiday? We will probably go to my parents these days and if she comes I suspect (if past experience with other APs is anything to go by) she will do nothing much to help and will enjoy the day like the attendees without kids. What I don't want is that after Thurday and Friday she then expects Saturday and Sunday off as her days off meaning we have had little help this week. Of course if she does as much as the rest of us on the 2 days that is a different matter. What do you suggest and what is "normal"? Thanks

Poor children and poor AP, I see christmas spirit hasn't yet reached the OP's house.

Like many other here AP has gone home for Christmas today back 4 Jan and fully paid, but if she was here then she would be given the same choice as she would on any other day off, this is what we are doing do you want to join in as a member of the family. WE actually "did Christmas" with my family last weekend (logistics) AP was invited along and chose to come and joined in.

I have always advertised the role of AP as big sister and at weekends they have the choice to be the big sister who joins in or to be the big sister who is embarrassed by their little brothers and sisters and wants to go off and do their own thing. But to expect them to do something on their day off? (and Christmas Day and Boxing Day should definitely be days off)

I have not even read all of these posts but really some (not all) of you ladies are nuts.

Some of you are so ready to jump down someones throats (I have seen this on 2 other threads have been reading on here this week) and think the worse of people - this truly is one of the most vicious boards on here. I would so hate to be part of some of your families - what vicious, vile comments some of you make - totally unprovoked:

"I don't think the op can cope with the kids and the house for 4 whole days without passing the work to her au pair, hence her op

sad really, poor kids, poor au pair, she won't be there long "

"Poor children and poor AP, I see christmas spirit hasn't yet reached the OP's house"

"I see from her opening post she has had other AP's .. not surprising "

Unf*able! Yes thanks - 3 au pairs - all loved it here and all still in touch.

My AP has just been home for 5 days 3 weeks ago on paid leave (that equates to nearly the time off from xmas to new year). She doesn't particularly get on with her family and she is the one that does n't want to go home for xmas. She is NOT homesick she has no wish to go home. I am not taking her days away as she has no set weekend off she has 2 days off in the week when she wants them. . I wanted to know whether she should now have effectively another 4 days off this week (xmas day, boxing day and 2 other days) on top of the week she has just been home as this means my husband who gets about 5 days off work would be home and we would have no help. Anyone would think I am a slave driver! My AP enjoys it with us and we like her a lot but I didn't want minimal help this week as there is like the rest of you I am sure a lot going on.

Talk about being pilloried (sp?). She is included in everything we do - not sure why some of the posters concluded she isn't from my original post? Quote "I couldn't relax and enjoy Christmas knowing a member of my household was excluded or expected to do more than anyone else." Where has this been concluded from? And she certainly isn't being expected to cook the dinner!

Just for your info if you read any agencies details APs should have one paid week off for every 6 months - (ours has had that within 5 weeeks) and it says nothing about bank holidays - this is probably as we know they are not "employees" per se. Do you give them the bank holidays in May and August off too etc?

I will confirm with her that if she comes to my parents (and we are happy for her to) she must help out with everyone else. I am sure she will do - I was only asking a simple question on here and just got pages of abuse back! Why bother??!

Whilst I also second the views of everyone on here (it's Christmas: you have to be kind and treat them as part fo the family), I do sympathise slightly, becasue I know from experience that having someone swan downstairs at 11am and plonk themselves in front of the telly with a mince pie and a coffee, whilst you - having risen with over-excited kids at 4am - are rushing round doing the demonic-kitchen-devil thing (usually whilst hissing at DH to get a shimmy-on) can be very grating, even more so when they only help grudgingly to the general 'mucking-in' requests.....

You have to just treat it as one of those things, and ignore it. I just consider it good training for when my kids turn into teenagers.

Talking of Xmas day wind-ups, is there anything worse than the gran who sits there in the corner with her handbag on her lap doign nothing, then, when you ask her if she wants a tea or coffee she says 'yes, dear, thankyou' thus prompting you to ask which she would prefer, tea, or coffee?.... only to be followed by 'oh, whatever you're making'. so you make her a coffee, and she looks down on it as if it is poisonous before sayign 'thankyou dear' and leaving it. aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh

Also Jura, Weegle, Rookie, Millarkie Newteacher, Nanny Nick and Tankie among others thanks for your constructive comments.

Some other posters on here need to chill a little and look for the good in people and not for the total worse - really totally unbelieveable. I have been totally wound up by some of these unneccesary vicious comments.

Sorry, haven't read it all through but OP - I think you are being harsh and should give her some time off. Poor girl is probably going to wish she did go home after all!

X-posts with you stressed. But I still see where everyone else is coming from. Just because us Mums are running round like blue-arsed flies doesn't give us the right to begrudge other people their time off. It is not fair, but it is just the way it is. And people reacted as they did because your first post wasn't exactly brimming with tidings of comfort and joy..... I would be upset if I had a child staying with someone who wrote the things that you did, regardless of circumstances.

And I'm not sure how turning on all the other posters with a big bold name and shame is helping your cause. People reacted because your comments wound them up.

errrr? The big bold name and shame is supposed to be a thank you?

Yet another example of people thinking the worse? It says thanks for goodness sake!

I give up. I am going for a sleep in a dark room when I get home.

I think it's the way you tell 'em, stressed.

Those posters had all been saying that you were in the wrong, so I read your post as being sarcastic. That was not your intention, so I take that back.

But I will definately pause before responding to your posts in future.

It must be me - think my writing does n't reflect what I am thinking? I did n't think those posters were being unhelpful - they at least explained why they thought my AP should have 4 days off rather then just attacking my parenting, home making and general people skills (it was the posts that did this that I thought were out of order). No worries. Have a Happy Christmas!

To be honest, it seems you asked a question, and didn't like the answer. Nobody agrees with you that you should not let your AP have time off, and therefore you seem to have taken offense.

Actually I think it's because we are so used on the Ap board to being likened to slave-drivers that we are likely to take offence at the posts that start a thread going off in that direction...

I indeed was one who didn't agree with you. And I hope I explained why. Some of my later posts were aimed far more at other posters explaining what a general AP host family does etc and weren't meant towards you personally, and trust they weren't taken as such

It is a difficult line to tread with AP's - on one hand you need to have clear boundaries, on the other they are welcomed in to the fold. Family times like Christmas, exacerbate this, if the AP is joining you. Therefore the fairest and most reasonable approach (to me) would be to treat her as a member of the family - she gets the perks of that but she also gets the responsibilities. All members of my family are expected to help with cooking/washing up/laying table/child care/Granny chatting/getting drinks/making beds etc. AP is the same. She also therefore gets the yummy food, included in the celebrations, gifts etc etc.

It's NOT as clear cut as an employee because their day off is spent AS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY.

??? I don't mind the answer at all - that is why I asked the question? I wanted to know what was the "norm". If I didn't want an answer I would n't have asked it? I am not offended by any constructive replies but just by those who write bile and obviusly have not read the full facts.

"No one agrees with you" Have you read all/any of these replies?

weegle - thanks. Hope you saw my earlier post this morning. - I was genuinely saying thanks on my post not being sarcastic.

Also:

"treat her as a member of the family - she gets the perks of that but she also gets the responsibilities. All members of my family are expected to help with cooking/washing up/laying table/child care/Granny chatting/getting drinks/making beds etc. AP is the same. She also therefore gets the yummy food, included in the celebrations, gifts etc etc."

Totally agree with you - that is what was always going to happen - I just asked if she then gets the next 2 days off too - and the concensus is she does. So that is what she will get. I only wanted to know what the norm was. Makes one scared to ask a question on here!

....I think we are all sort of in agreement now.

Hope you have a good christmas, stressed. Sorry I misread your earlier post.

Stressed - I think some people have been very, very unfair to you - maybe people who don't have or haven't been au pairs themselves?

FGS, stressed isn't complaining about people disagreeing with her, just the people being offensive and making her out to be a bad mother!

Stressed dont get riled PLEASE... There are lots of posters on here that do it on purpose to wind you up.

I like you have found quite a few of the posters to be quite nasty. Do as I have done and ignore it.

You have asked a valid question and all you wanted was some valid, responsible answers not for people to personally villify you. BUT unfortunatley it seems that other posters seem to like to get a reaction. Dont satisfy them by answering back. They dont even read the posts (like the bold bit where you are THANKING people she has taken as naming and shaming) These posters need to get a life really!

Thankfully my AP has gone home as we would have had a dilemma if she had stayed as we are going to stay at IL's for duration of xmas and couldnt have taken her with us. As one there isnt room in the car for a 2 hour journey what with 2 car seats its pretty squashed in the back and 2 there wouldnt be any where for her to sleep at IL's as the house would be full.

Enjoy your xmas, have a word with her to muck in whilst she is out with you.

I dont think people were nasty, the OP was quite mean in her post - ie if the AP was given xmas & boxing day off then she should not really expect her usual two days off as well! I can just imagine if the was an employee posting saying they had to work an extra two days to make up for having xmas day and boxing day off, there would be uproar.

As for helping on xmas day, dont most people volunteer to help with peeling veg or clearing the table anyway so she may volunteer without being asked anyway. She shouldnt have to do any childcare those two days though.

stressed, I replied to your opening post from the position of an ex nanny and au pair

your amazement at the posts disagreeing with you surprising

look at your op

"(if past experience with other APs is anything to go by) she will do nothing much to help and will enjoy the day like the attendees without kids"
so you are saying au pairs don't help out much? and she actually expects to be treated as a visitor without kids WHICH SHE IS!

"What I don't want is that after Thurday and Friday she then expects Saturday and Sunday off as her days off meaning we have had little help this week. Of course if she does as much as the rest of us on the 2 days that is a different matter"
so if she doesn't do enough in your eyes you think she should lose her days off?

you don't seem to treat your au pair as a valued childcarer and then you get all annoyed when posters disagree with you

Well, I don't think I was rude, but I agree with ssd, I couldn't see any reason why she wouldn't have the weekend off and I thought you should be showing someone far from home a traditional British Christmas, not worrying about whether she was doing enough work. If you treat her the way you would want your DC treated if they went off to be an au pair, when old enough, then you can't go far wrong.

My AP is also here for Xmas, having been with us for 7 weeks now. Like DD1 (same age as her), she has been helping with setting the table, helping wash up, and she took the kids to the park for an hour because DH did his back in and I am not mobile. She has also done a bit of laundry today (an hour or so?) because she got behind last week, I think due to seeing her friends a lot before they flew back for the hols.

She is going away on Sunday for a week (paid). She got a Xmas stocking like everyone else (which impressed her a lot!), and some nice prezzies under the tree. We have plied her with champagne and fed her well. She seems very happy at the moment.

I think I would only expect an hour or so from an AP at Xmas, and only then if they had not been with me very long and hadn't really earned a holiday. But I would expect this from a daughter/niece/houseguest as well, frankly.