can you tell me if this is unreasonable, if not how to broach it?

[Idrankthechristmasspirits]

Hi all,

some of helped me enormously finding a new childminder after my last awful one had to be given notice.

I now have a lovely minder, she is fab in every way apart from one which is proving a bit difficult.

I work long hours and travel all over the place. I could be in glasgow tomorrow and liverpool the next day, but also i work a fair amount of time at home.
My hours change so i pay childminder monthly in advance and pay for average hours, if i go over i pay the difference at the end of the month, if under then she carries over the credit to the next month.

A friend of hers lives a few hundred yards away from me.
I've just had a text from her, basically saying, "i can see you're at home, i take it you're picking up your dd from school as it will save me a journey".

This has happened a couple of times now. I'm a bit miffed as if i'm at home i am in my office working. Yes i take small breaks throughout the day to mumsnet have a coffee or some lunch but i am still at work.
I feel that she thinks i am sat here with my feet up.
If i did pick dd up from school i would have to pick her up and then dump her in front of the tv whilst i disappear into my office.

So, am i being unreasonable to be taken aback that my childminder thinks i should be picking dd up from school if i am working at home and if not, how do i broach this wothout upsetting her.

Apologies for the novel!

You RING her and tell her that you are working. Ask her is everything ok and if she says why you can say you thought she might have been ill as she didn't want to work today.

what carmenere said.

She should pick your dd up and keep her until the agreed time when you will be collecting her. It is not up to her to decide. Even if you were just paying her to look after your child so that you could have some time off, that's up to you and not her.

I would just say to her, politely, that even if she sees you are at home you are working and unless you have specified otherwise you would prefer it if she kept to the agreed minding hours for that day.

and what Carmenere said.

what Carmenere said ...

you are paying HER and presuming she's agreed to the conditions you tell her you ARE working and you'll be in touch when you've to collect DD as you are infact working

lol, carmenere are you shouting at me?

Sorry, text used as she won't talk on the phone during the day unless it's an emergency as she has two small babies during school hours.

I'll text her back.

thankyou ladies. It was one of those things where i couldn't work out if i was being unreasonable or over sensitive IYSWIM.

she won't talk on phone my arse - she's avoiding having to ask you a cheeky question in person

Tottaly agree with what everyone else is saying

dizzy - she made it clear from day one that unless it's an emergency she won't talk on the phone during the day. It's not just something she's saying today.

Since I cannot get over the concept of "working at home" to some people I have resorted to "I will be on an important call with customers at that time so there is no way I can go out".

You need to have a conversation with her at picking-up time about what "Working at Home" actually means

Just text back: "no am working. will pick DD up from you at x time as usual". Then explain the home office thing afterwards. My DH works similarly to you, but the CM is really to cover my part time hours. So yes, sometimes the children are at the CMs and DH is home.

I find that very strange but never mind, I still think I'd be saying no though and YANBU by any means

stealth - it's so irritating isn't it. I am considering setting up a web cam and a live feed to a webite so that people can watch me working!

It doesn't matter a jot what you, the parent is doing/where you are etc... you are paying her to look after your child for a certain amount of hours, and those hours should be kept.

I think this is rather cheeky of your CM tbh!!! I would NEVER do this to a parent.

Thank you ladies.
Have texted back;
"hi, i'm at home but i am working in my office. I will see you at 6 as arranged."

well said jennipenni - I used to have parents who would arrange a time and then phone to say they were working late and not bother to turn up for hours after and not pay for the extra time but thats a completely different scenario

and well done you IdranktheChristmasspirits

Well done IDTCS! Bet she just didn't fancy going out in the cold!

Surely your CM would understand the concept of working at home- it's what she does!

what a cheeky cow

regardless if you are in the office, at home working or out lunching - you have made arrangements for chilcare

agree a text like - im working at home, will collect as normal

Bloody cheek, it's none of her business what you are doing as long as you collect by the arranged time!!! I've had parents go to the gym, shopping, all sorts instead of working the full hours, I've had one which was for a parent just to have some child free time. I've had parents not working betwee xmas and new year but still wanting me so can do something with the bigger kids etc. None of my business!!

YADNBU

I came home to finish of some work just now and had to drive right by the nursery where dd currently is. Imagine if THEY rang me up to say, hey I saw your car go by are you coming to get her or what?

lol PuppyMonkey - exactly!

by this means I would not have a cm because I always work at home! clearly I am in not need of a cm!

my cm is lovely though and has no problem with it!