CM Club: I think I am being taken for granted or am I being too harsh?

[NumberFour]

I need some advice please, on whether I am being reasonable or not!

Early Jan this year I received a phone call from Mum asking me to to school pick ups for her from the start of the term. I could help out, so I did. Four weeks before summer holidays started i received a text message giving me notice saying that Mum was taking time off work for the summer.

Two days before the new year started I received a call from Mum asking me if I could childmind for her again. She thought school started the very next day! But when I confirmed when she needed me to start (I had a vacancy) she realised school only started a couple of days later (!!) and that was when I would start childminding.

More often than not she is half an hour late for pick without a text warning or a phone call. Her pick up is already 6.30pm so a 7pm pick up is really late for my family as I have a 4 year old who needs to get ready for bed and a really small house where noise travels easily and LOUDLY!

I have talked to Mum about late pick ups on a number of ocassions. My DH is a bit fed up to say the least and I feel as if I am being taken for granted.

Mum works shifts so from one week to the next I do not know whether I am providing breakfast or supper. Some mornings are 7 drops off and 4pm pick up after school and other days are collection after school and 6.30 (supposedly) pick up.

I texted Mum the Sunday before term started and asked when would I be having her child. She phoned me the following morning.

I feel as if I am at her beck and call but part of me thinks that maybe she does not appreciate the fact that I need to plan things and arrange matters to accommodate her child.

I have decided to give her notice but I am worried that I am being too harsh. Her running late puts a huge strain on me and DH. I 100% understand that sometimes people are late and that unforeseen circumstances arise. But I feel that she is taking the p*ss.

WWYD????

Losing her will not break the bank. Just dent it somewhat.

I'm not a childminder but use one. I don't think you're being unreasonable and wouldn't treat my CM like that, but do wonder (as someone who used to work shifts) whether she's just used to a more chaotic lifestyle and expects everyone to be able to roll with the punches. If you're unsur whether to terminate her contract I would suggest maybe you give her one last chance and say you will need to give her notice unless she a. gives you a copy of her shift pattern 1 month in advance and b. does not pick up late (which I think is really unacceptable). My only caveat is whether she is working in health care etc. - my experience is it's often difficult to get off on time for really good reason. However, in that case maybe she needs to find alternative childcare anyway, as agree in your situation 7pm is very difficult.

Articlemming, thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate hearing a parent's perspective in some cases more than another CM (with all respect to my fellow minders!)

The problem is that I had agreed with DH that if things did not improve I would give notice. That may sound like I am doing what he asks and that is not the case. What I must do is put my family first and having 7 pm pick ups time and again has taken its toll.

I know that this Mum is going to find it difficult to get another CM to help out.

And yes, she is in healthcare .

But I feel like I need someone's permission to put me and DH and my son first!! How pathetic am I.

I think I should pluck up the courage and give notice.

Do you have a fine in place if she picks up late?

My last nursery in London introduced a £10 for each ten minutes late, so half an hour would be £30. They sent a letter out to all parents saying that they were introducing this fine for all the children as there were a few that were constantly picked up late, and staff needed to finnish on time, and the nursery was not insured for children who stayed beyond their agreed time.

I dont know if this is something you could adapt to suit your particular situation.

First bit, Mum ended contract for the summer, so that she wouldn't pay retainer I suppose, but what would she have done if you had filled the vacancy?

Second, what ever the job, she has, you shut your doors at 6.30. you have told her this, she is not complying with it. The late finishes are interfering with your home.

Third, she is using you when it is convenient, which OK has been fine for you up to now.

Now it is not, give notice.

I have learnt the hard way as a childminder that people WILL take advantage if they can... most of my parents have never though and I love working with them. But there are always those that do.

If this is affecting your home life you need to give notice, for me, family come first. You probably have a knot in your tummy every day when minding her child, not knowing how the evening will go, and it's not fair on your family, or you.

Perhaps write a letter, start charging for being late (this might clear it up immed!), tell her you are not insured for uncontracted time etc, and give it a time limit... if she continues to do things her own way, give notice.

I think again it is one of those cases of learning by your mistakes.

No, Quintetc, I stupidly do not have a fine in place. I only charge double my hourly rate after 7pm. Fat lot of good that is. Guess what one of my new policies will be!!!

Shoshe, when you put my situation as succintly (SP??) as that, it makes it all perfectly clear.

Jennipennie, on the whole I also have good relationships with my parents so this kind of thing really throughs me. Like many CMs I do not like confrontation and you are 100% right about that knot in the tummy thing. Spot on - will she be late? how late will she be? how annoyed will DH be? how much calming of the domestic waters must I AGAIN do because mum is late.

Oh boy, Notice it is going to be.

Thanks again, all of you!

Thank you No.4, cos I thought I was rambling

succinctly

amazing what you think of on the school run............

I am a parent and use a childminder and would never treat you like this.I was previously a Nanny so always treat childminders how i would like to be treated.

Its really cheeky to cancel you during the summer and not pay the retainer and its not fair to expect you to take the children until 7 - if she can't pick them up then she should get someone else to caome and take over and do the pick up.

you are quite right to put your family first

The Mum had also asked me on one ocassion to have her daughter til 9pm!!!! I said no.

Thanks, Susiey. Yes, my family must come first.

I have decided to write Mum a letter rather than give notice at this stage.
Implementing £10 per 10 min late fine (gulp)
Asking for shift rota in advance
Small amendment to contract unrelated to the above

Will be giving it to her this afternoon.
again: gulp!

You are doing the right thing, give it another week or two then just give notice if she hasn't improved. Good luck! It's hard being assertive and putting your family first.

I am FURIOUS!! Mum told me on Monday that her child would be dropped off at 7am today. I rang her at 8am to find out what was happening.

She said she arrived home too late last night to let me know that she has to work late again tonight and she knows that she will not be here by 6.30 so someone else will be looking after her. (I had been waiting for her since 7am).

Then she queried my retainer fee for the half term. I said that it was in the contract. She said she did not think that a part time child would be charged a retainer for the holidays.

I saw at school this morning and waved. Her child waved back.

I am giving her notice. I have had enough of being used and abused.

i gave up any before and after schoolers in july. just have under 5s now. it has made such a difference to my family. when my kids leave home i may only do before and after school but at the moment this suits us all. dont let this person take you for a ride, give notice.

That's outrageous. However late she could have sent you a text (and I find it hard to accept she only knew of her shift change very late at night). It doesn't sound like the letter would have much affect anyway, and if she's querying a retainer she's bound to kick off about late fines. She sounds a pain.

I am so annoyed today. Become all silly with tummy pains, and grumpy and miserable. That is NOT the way I want to be.

Thanks for your support, all of you! Really appreciate it.

ooh Number4, reading that im really annoyed for yoU!

Def give notice, write down everything matter of factly.
i am giving you notice to terminate our contract and from x date will no longer be able to care for your child .
An explanation of which you can find below.

1. Lack of communication regarding hours/days/dates and lateness.

2.constant/regualr lateness with no thought to myself or my own young family.

1. Inability to properly discuss and resolve any issues as these problems are still arrising regardless of my speaking to you previously.
2. Questioning of our contractual agreement - this should be done prior to signing, there for whatever is agreed, stands.

or something to that effect!

(can you see ive been here before!?)..also state how much she will pay the weeks she comes until end of contract, the days which she MUST pay it, the hours you have and the hours to which you agreed/will work too.

so is the child not with you today?, is she there tomorrow?..or is she supposed to be?

PinkChick, you are THE Chick! brilliant content for letter - will definitely use it and no, the kid is not here today and is not supposed to be here tomorrow.

As for next week, who the knows. (I do not feel comfortable saying the eff word on CM thread!)

i am still mad as all hell

relief to know my anger is justified.

oh god, how annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad you are giving notice, this person sounds like an utter nightmare, hope you get someone fab in her place!

The CM I work with is in her 50's retiring in 4-5 yrs time she has an NVQ in care work & doesn't want to do another one - she will be most put out

oops wrong thread - sorry

Did you do it then, Numberfour?

geraldinethe etc: half way with the letter. have not heard fromk her so don't know if I must phone and post notice letter or just text and post notice letter. putting it off, i know.

i think I will phone her tonight and then post letter 1st class tomorrow. She is 2 weeks in arrears. and

Can you just post letter through door? Do you need to phone? I would be putting off too.