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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

APs and family holidays

32 replies

Bettyboobird · 28/09/2008 13:15

Do you include (and pay for) your AP in your family holiday.

We are just beginning to look at booking our summer hols for beginning of July-she is planning on staying til end of July, but is flexible ATM about staying on longer (although IMO that's too far ahead for her to decide now.)

Should we include her? We would have to pay as she only brought £50 with her and has already spent that on clothes, so the only money she has is what we give her in pocket money. Depending on where we decide to go, it could restrict things quite a lot financially if she came, but I don't like to think of her home alone for a fortnight.

What is the norm?

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HarrietTheSpy · 28/09/2008 13:18

Watching this with interest. My family is in the US and when au pair comes, no way we can stump for another ticket at Easter, if we decide to go.

Original poster

Bettyboobird · 28/09/2008 13:50

Exactly Harriet. If we decide to go to France in a villa for example, then it won't cost any extra for her to come, as we'd travel by ferry. But if we decide to stop off at Disneyland Paris (which we often do) for a couple of days, the hotel bill will be considerably more, ie. double, as she's need her own room.

If we choose to fly somewhere, again, that will bump up the cost quite a lot...

OP posts:

stellabgh · 28/09/2008 14:30

I haven't had an Au Pair but no way would I pay for her to come on holiday. I'd imagine she'd like some time off anyway.

Weegle · 28/09/2008 14:38

It depends as to whether we include the AP. We tend to include her on self-catering where the difference to cost is minimal. We include her on weekends away where there is room. However, anything that involves flights we don't. Anything that involves a hotel room we sometimes will offer that she shares with DS and pay her extra for doing the early morning... this means she gets to see a new place, and we get to enjoy a mini lie in. If we aren't going to include her in a trip away we just say upfront and explain the reasoning - usually cost. There's absolutely no harm in our AP knowing we're not made of money and an additional adult on flights, room, entrance fees, food etc is a lot.

SimpleAsABC · 28/09/2008 18:40

I agree Weegle, as long as the employer is up front with the ap, I don't see why there should be a problem!

QuintessentialShadows · 28/09/2008 18:59

90% of the time AP was left at home. I would pay her the usual pocket money, as she would still need to eat and live, and it was OUR holiday and not her decision to take a holiday if you see what I mean.

Quattrocento · 28/09/2008 19:02

Watching this with some interest as well. Am of the school of thought that AP should be invited but DH most certainly isn't ...

QuintessentialShadows · 28/09/2008 19:04

It depends, I think! I would not take ours to see my parents for holidays, neither would I take her camping!

FourArms · 28/09/2008 19:06

I left our ap at home when we went away on our main holidays - we were flying to Cyprus to stay with my parents so a combination of no room and cost of flights!

I paid her as normal, left a list of extra jobs that I wanted doing and a fully stocked fridge!

For weekends away, we took her if possible, or dropped her at London etc if we were going via there so she could visit friends. Usually she managed to go home during those times though (we live 2 miles from the ferry port to France!)

noonki · 28/09/2008 19:09

Not that I have an AP but wouldn't it be weird them being on hoiday with you?

Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?

noonki · 28/09/2008 19:10

Not that I have an AP but wouldn't it be weird them being on hoiday with you?

Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?

Original poster

Bettyboobird · 28/09/2008 19:32

I agree noonki, it is family time. But, we have made every effort to include our AP as part of the family, and as such I would feel a little odd leaving her out at holiday time... She came away with us last weekend when we went to stay with family.

We wouldn't expect her to do any work on holiday, but I feel she should be given the chance to come. I don't know-could be too pricey!!

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 19:37

We don't have an aupair at holiday time - they basically come from end of August till the beginning of July.

Saying that, our very first aupair arrived in July before the holidays so we took her to Devon with us. We had to pay maybe £50 for her. No biggie, and we did get a bit of babysitting.

I would say to you that you dictate her leaving date. She can't declare that she is staying till the end of July. If you are going on holiday straight after the end of school, she finishes just before you take over full-time childcare.

DadInsteadofMum · 28/09/2008 20:41

Whole point of the au pair arrangement is that she is supposed to be part of the family. I regard the AP as my kids big sister (who gets more pocket money!).

With holidays where it is within budget we give her the choice, so our previous au pair went with us to Center Parcs in Holland this summer (marginal cost a RyanAir flight) and our current au pair will be coming skiing with us next year (we are self catering so again marginal cost is the flight).

englishspringer · 28/09/2008 20:52

i guess you should really look at how you would feel if you went to stqy with a family who were meant to treat you like one of the family and dwcide if you would leave your children behind - the answer is probably no you wouldn't leave them behind.
AP's are meant to come and be treated as part of the family - we always take ours away the same as we always give them a bonus when they go home - afterall they have looked after your children, helped you out and to be honest you are getting a good deal financially.
obviously everyone's decision is their own but it depends whether you want her to continue looking after your children when you return - if not then i guess it doesn't really matter if you ostrecise her and are completely ignorant to her feelings as a human being who has shared her life with you and helped you enormously
i apologise for this seeming quiet blunt but honestly it seems so many english famalies just get girls over pay them pittence and their is no thanks for it.

JacqJacq · 28/09/2008 21:01

I work as an AP and the family always invite me on every holiday they go on. I have only been once so far and to be honest I don't think I shall do it again. Although it was lovely, I felt like a bit of an intruder as they were just doing family things. - I had no homework to help with, no school runs etc. Also, the evenings were strange. We were in the middle of the French countryside, so once the children were in bed it was me, the mum and the dad. I felt like a lemon. Do you think your aupair would like to come with you?

nbee84 · 28/09/2008 21:12

englishspringer - you obviously have a strong opinion on this.

Many AP's may not want to come. I know they are over for the whole experience thing, but it is just their job and they may enjoy their free time more than their 'working' time.

I am a Nanny (different I know) and I love the children I look after and get on well with the parents but I also enjoy my time off and would NOT like to spend 2 weeks with them where I know nobody else so would have to spend most of my time with them or on my own. And as the family will want some 'family time' there may be quite a bit of on my own time.

Lots of AP's have quite a social life and may not want to go, would enjoy a week or two of peace and quiet and would feel embarassed to say 'actually, I don't want to come with you'

dannyb · 28/09/2008 21:14

We don't take our aupair with us. She stayed at home with a few extra jobs and strict instructions to have the house as we left it when we returned. In answer to your question, would you leave a member of your family at home? Well, yes I certainly wouldn't expect my 18+ year old to come on holiday with me. There's being part of the family and being part of the family and to me that doesn't include taking her on holiday if I don't want to or taking her away for weekends. She can stay at home with enough food and cash like any other young adult would prefer to do.

nbee84 · 28/09/2008 21:18

Quite right dannyb. My dd (now 20) was 17 last time she wanted to come on holiday with us and hasn't been since. She would rather have the house to herself, sleep all day and go out with her mates in the evening.

SimpleAsABC · 28/09/2008 21:21

"I'd imagine she'd like some time off anyway.""pay her the usual pocket money, as she would still need to eat and live, and it was OUR holiday and not her decision to take a holiday if you see what I mean""Surely it is a family time, what else is there do to but look after you kids and have fun?""she is supposed to be part of the family""Do you think your aupair would like to come with you?"

All fair and varied comments, from both (ap and employer points of view)..

"i guess you should really look at how you would feel if you went to stqy with a family who were meant to treat you like one of the family and dwcide if you would leave your children behind"

Again a fair, if slightly blunt point....

"to be honest you are getting a good deal financially"

Not necessarily. Depending on where you are going on holiday, flights at £1000, seperate accomodation (and by that I mean a room) minimum £30 per night for say a week is £210, then food say £50 a day for a week.... It all mounts up. Oh and before you say it, not everyone who has an ap can necessarily afford a luxurious £1000 ++ for a few hours babysitting or to spare the feelings of their ap.

I stick by my original post, as long as the host family are up front (and I mean as early as interview stage or at least as soon as holidays are in the planning stage, as the op's is) and even take the time to explain the additional costs, enlist the help of a neighbour or family member to keep an eye on ap, then surely they should be allowed to holiday in peace?

HarrietTheSpy · 28/09/2008 21:29

Setting the costs aside (which are prohibitive and in fact not even worth discussing), I'm sure a 19 year old would LOVE to come to the US to a midwestern suburb, eat at 5.30 with us which is when it suits my parents, not be able to get anywhere on foot w/o us, etc etc. I'm sure she would quit as a result of the trip, rather than being left behind to her own devices in London.

QuintessentialShadows · 28/09/2008 21:38

englishspringer, as an 18-22 year old, I would not necessarily WANT to go on a family holiday with mum and dad and much younger siblings.

On the same token, I imagine, when my children are that age, they may not necessarily want to come.

I took one aupair with me to visit my parents for 2 weeks. I needed help on the flight with my kids as I had really bad spd and depression, and really needed to see my mum. The stay at my parents, she had most of the time off, but we did nice things together, so she loved the stay.

Most au pairs come in the automn and leave at the beginning of summer. They usually want to go see their family for Christmas or Easter.

Original poster

Bettyboobird · 28/09/2008 22:12

English springer, "it depends whether you want her to continue looking after your children when you return -if not then i guess it doesn't really matter if you ostrecise her and are completely ignorant to her feelings as a human being..."

That's a little harsh!

We haven't booked anything yet, and as I've explained we would like to include her as we treat her as one of the family. I know she would love to come with us to Disney-she has already dropped hints that she has noticed we like to go there quite frequently and how much she wants to go one day! If we can afford to, we'd love to make this possible for her, whether she returns to look after the dc or not.

However, I'd like to make it clear that she's only been with us a short time and already we've given her a lot more than just money ie introduced her to friends and family, taken her shopping and for a makeover (not that she needed one, but it's always nice to be pampered!), taken her out for meals, to the pub for her first English pint and thrown her a birthday tea complete with cake and presents. This weekend we're taking her to London so we will pay for travel and expenses.

Yes she only gets pocket money each week, but IMO she gets a very good deal. Not all of us see the AP as cheap labour-especially since we are STILL trying to get her aquainted with the hoover and duster !

OP posts:

NewTeacher · 29/09/2008 09:02

At 18 I never went on family hols with my parents..Even my sister who is still at home doesnt go with my folks!

So, no I would not expect for our AP to go on holiday with us, if it was where it was a minimal cost I may take her along BUT I wold be more worried about her getting bored! Our last holiday to Portugal cost us oveor £2K for a family of 4 so forking out another £500 or so is too much.

When we have hols we always suggest that she may like to go home and see her own family. Generally its stock up the fridge and let her enjoy a week or 2 of peace and quiet!

fairimum · 29/09/2008 09:24

If you not too expensive could you pay/contribute to her flights home while you are away?

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