Dealing with a child you don't like

[Fadge]

I am sure plenty of Childminders here will have taken on children only to find they don't gel, bond, get on, fit in whatever.

There's nothing bascially wrong with this child, I just plain don't like her. I cannot afford to give notice though, so what to do? Any tips on how I can force myself to like her? I feel guilty as sin for feeling like I do
I really work hard at not showing this to her and I hope that it is working, but I find it such a strain and after a session with her I am knacked mentally.

Please tell me I am not alone!?

i think this is awful. how would you feel as a parent. i hope they dont come on here. give notice and get a child you can like!

for that child, thik you should let them go, you needing the money is not enough imo.

Fadge
On reflection, is tehre any chance it's actually the parents you're not gelling with, do you think? And somehow this is being transferred to the child...and the situation of working with the family more generally. 'Cause maybe if there are issues with them,which you could sort out/work out, things would be right with the child. If it's the whole package which is the problem, I think you should probably move on. Just a thought.

omg, even worse if you only keeping them for the money.

omg, even worse if you only keeping them for the money.

omg, even worse if you only keeping them for the money.

Namechange, you do realise that childminding is a JOB don't you?

If I send my child to a child minder, I expect him to be treated fantastically, lavished with attention, and to have fun.

Like and love is for the family.

And I wouldn't expect a childminder to work for free - of course they do it for the money!

but i wouldnt keep a child that i reaaly didnt like just to earn a living. i would give a months notice and re advertise. I am ia cm

What would you do if you were a teacher, change, resign?

You can't like everyone - all you can do is behave professionally.

I used to look after an old man suffering dementia. He pissed on my head once while I was tying his shoe laces.

I left the room, washed my hair (good thing about working in nursing homes is facilities like that!) and came back to him. He told me I was a fat whore.

he was hard to like - but when you are a carer, you can't withdraw care on the basis of disliking someone. His behavior was because of dementia. I didn't like him. But I still had to care for him, because it was that or walk out on my job.

Changemynameforthis, its not that simple or clearcut to just say you'd give notice, I mean what reason would you give the child's parents?

I understand all the jusifications re being professional, not being able to like everyone, etc.

But which one of you would keep your child with a carer if they told you "I don't like your child"?

If this parent were told this I am sure she would move the child that day. I think she needs to know. You can always get someone to fill the place, finances are an issue for all of us. but I think the needs of the child outweigh everything else. Children are NOT stupid and they sense the most subtle of things, this child is going to be aware of a lack of warmth and affection and when we're talking about the development of children that is very, very important.

I don't agree with comments about lack of warmth and affection because personally I would never treat the child in question any differently to the other children, they all receive warmth and affection, despite any personal feelings I may have.

Teachers will dislike some pupils in their care but that wouldn't be a cause for the parents to take that child out of school would it? Their professionalism would overide their true feelings and the child would never know.

As a parent, you will go through times when you don't particularly like your own child, usually when they are behaving in a negative way. It doesn't make you love them any less though and certainly doesn't detract from the bigger picture.

A teacher is a very different case, they are teaching not nurturing. A CM is taking the place of the mother for a small DC and there needs to be some affection and warmth. I think the parent has a right to know.

I can see both sides of the arguement here. Personally, if I really did not like a child, I would not feel able to carry on looking after that particular child as I think it can affect the care you give them. If it were your own dc that was with a childcarer that 'didn't like them' would you really want your dc to stay there?

I am a cm and I have a child who I haven't gelled with as much as some others. I do not dislike the child, although particular behaviours I do dislike. I sometimes find it hard having to deal with these behaviours and actions but I am professional and consistant and the mindee is learning.

I have had a mindee I did not particularly like and although it was only for after school care, I still could not carry on looking after the particular mindee so gave notice.

I think children are more alert to feelings than we can give them credit for. If you really do not like the child then I would give notice. money is one thing (which we all need) but the childs well being is something more important imo.

CMers have a responsibility to teach also. That's part of our job. To allow them to ecxperience the world around them.

We have to create educational activities for the children aimed at their abilities and ages as do teachers. We have to make observations on their progress as do teachers. We have inspections and gradings by OFSTED as do teachers.

An early years teacher has similiar responsibilities to a CMer. Both should to be warm and affectionate too. Teaching and nuturing is the same thing whether you are a teacher or a CMer.

teaching and nurturing is not the same thing at all! Children have a NEED (it's even defined in government's assessment framework) for 'Emotional Warmth'.

I can't believe that is forthcoming when someone doesn't like you no matter how professional the worker when you are CHILDMINDING - not teaching, which is a completely different thing although some teaching activities of course are done by childminders.

Which of you WOULD keep your child with a carer who didn't like them?

The OP needs to behave as the 'consummate professional' she says she is and tackle this issue head on, KNOWING that no parent would leave the child if they knew the truth of the circumstances.

I agree with HG I think.

I wouldn't want to leave my child with a carer who actively disliked her. Who found dealing with her such a mental strain that she is 'knackered' by the effort. I've never felt that way about a pupil. I've had some I'm less fondof than others of course, but I think it reflects the difference between teaching and caring that I have never had to put so much effort into maintaining an acceptable demeanour to a child I found difficult.

And I think the professional thing to do would be to say it isn't working out.

Exactly, this is a job, like teaching is a job, like being a care assistant is a job - and has been shown above, not everyone likes everyone, doesn't mean you cannot care for them day to day. You wouldn't exepct a Teacher or a Care Assistant to quit if they didn't like someone they had in their care would you?

child minding is not teaching though is it.
its mora about caring and looking after the child, like a parent substitute really.

quite different from teaching imo.

and even if you act the same to all the children the poor child will sense you don't like them.

The MOST worrying thing is you saying that you can't bring herself to cuddle her.

That's unprofessional isn't it?

It's part of your job to cuddle her. I think you should give her a cuddle whenever it is required, and sometimes when it isn't and forget how you feel about it, be professional, give professional cuddles.

Because she might be happy - what has she got to judge you against after all, she's v. young?

But you know, deep down, that if she was with a CM who liked her lots, then she'd be happier because she'd get cuddles and genuine affection.

That's what she deserves.

i think you should tell the parents how you feel. imagine how upset they would be

Fadge would you leave your child with someone day after day who didn't like them and couldn't bring themselves to give physical affection/hugs?

And I mean someone who was caring for them in the role of a parent during their pre-school years, rather than a teacher.