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Original poster

CM Club: Guilt/angst/pushover?

29 replies

KatyMac · 08/07/2008 20:26

Do you ever feel pressured into taking a child because the parent is desperate?

I have done it again, hours I don't want to work because someone is stumped/in trouble

I wish I had more will power - but I always give in

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abba1772 · 08/07/2008 20:33

i'm a pushover too i always give in lol

KaySamuels · 08/07/2008 20:34

I think we are all like this katymac

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 20:38

WHy though

It often (in my case) involves SN or difficult to handle children - is it pride (or there is another word that means something slightly different....I'll remember it soon) or pigheadedness

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Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 20:40

Is the word Hubris?

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MindingMum · 08/07/2008 20:43

oh Katy, bless you.

I have done it in the past but it has made me sooo miserable I've learnt my lesson and won't again.

For two years I've had a mindee who's hours were too long and it made minding her a chore. I don't believe in giving notice just because things don't suit you so I've ambled along and put up and shut up.

A month ago her mum asked to increase her hours again and I was brave and said no. Mum threatened to terminate the contract if i didn't give her the hours she wanted and I just said "ok"

This obviously wasn't the answer she was expecting, but I served notice stating that I could no longer commit to the hours and the children did their last day yesterday and it feels great.

I've made a promise to myself to decide what days/hours i want to work and wait for a mindee to fit the bill even though the drop of earnings will be awful.

I've turned down 4 offers of work over the last month because i don't ever want to be in that position again.

i hope it turns out ok Katy, why weren't you able to say that you would do it until they found someone else?

KaySamuels · 08/07/2008 20:46

I have done that too mindingmum taking on hours that are too long, and I have ambed along too trying not to show how tired I am, my contract finishes in a fortnight tho and I will genuinely miss mindee!

I think most people working in caring professions can be too soft, I am definately a 'yes' person and usually kick myself afterwards.

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 20:47

That is what I have agreed to. But my big issue is what if I can make life better for this little one?

I was given a list/chart that the school & old CMer used & it was all
'I intentionally hurt someone'
'I was rude'
'I didn't listen'

I think if you set a child up to fail they will - in a couple of days I will start a positive sticker chart & see how it goes.

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navyeyelasH · 08/07/2008 20:50

And it's not just CMs this is confined to - I'm a nanny too and often find myself doing stuff I really don't want to be doing because I am a pushover!

I wish I could stand up for myself a bit more - in all other situations I can but parents who are stuck always make you feel sooooon guilty!

MindingMum · 08/07/2008 20:55

'yes ' person no more here
And I won't feel guilty. Someone said to me today that when your own children are little "Childminding has to work for you, not the other way round" - very wise words I think

KaySamuels · 08/07/2008 20:58

You may find a positive approach turns things around katymac.

I have taken on a mindee in a simlar situation and he had very low self esteem, didn't like how everyone viewed him and so on. Having someone there to listen and to accept him really turned things around for him. The only reason I never gave notice was that I didn't want him to feel rejected!

KaySamuels · 08/07/2008 20:59

You are right MM, I would never work early mornings again or weekends which I did when I first started minding, if family life is suffering it's not worth it.

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 21:00

Well DD is nearly 11.....so not sure really

We will see how it goes

But finishing at 8 is not ideal imo

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MindingMum · 08/07/2008 21:08

Yes kay we are wiser now - been there, done that.

Katy at 8pm what were you thinking?

KaySamuels · 08/07/2008 21:11

mine was 8pm too KM

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 21:12

I'm thinking I am completely broke

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MindingMum · 08/07/2008 21:16

oh yes, well there is that too. The fees for the children I have just said goodbye to were £1200 a month so major money problems here but even that wouldn't make me work those hours again.

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2008 21:22

It's crap isn't it

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Original poster
KatyMac · 09/07/2008 21:44

Day 2 & I think I regret it

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KaySamuels · 09/07/2008 21:47

oh dear

if it is not going to work best to cancel sooner rather than later

do you have settling in period on contract?

Original poster
KatyMac · 09/07/2008 21:49

Yes - I have agreed up to next Friday

I have asked some of the others to help me - we will see

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KaySamuels · 09/07/2008 21:51

other staff?

Original poster
KatyMac · 09/07/2008 21:52

Yep - I can share it round (if they want the extra money)

It would be cheaper if I do it - but 12.5 hrs 5 days a week is a bit crap tbh

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KaySamuels · 09/07/2008 22:01

It would tire you out eventually doing long days like that 5 times a week. I do them but not every day like that, and my days will be shorter soon.

Hope things improve

Original poster
KatyMac · 09/07/2008 22:03

Thanks

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BradfordMum · 10/07/2008 07:23

I currently work 2 days a week from 5.50am to 6pm, and 3 days at 7.45 to 6pm.

I was asked yesterday to do 6am to 6pm on sat and sundays! I said no, and that I think they'd struggle to find any c/m's who would.

I'd have been rolling in cash, but too tired to spend it!

Sally

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