If I have a live in nanny, should she have a lock on her door and do you go in there at all?

[beachyhead]

We are thinking about getting a live in nanny this summer and we've got a couple of options for where she could sleep. Either a small room upstairs, and then get the use of the playroom, shower room and small kitcheny area (the utility room) in the evenings or we could just give up the play room and she could have that as her bedroom/studio etc. It would mean we would lose the playroom, but it is much more segregated so we would be less bumping into each other in bedroom corridors.......

Do live in nannies expect to have a lock on their bedroom door - only asked as we haven't any locks on our internal doors? and do you go in there at all, or does the cleaner?

Too many questions!!!!Oh and I am talking about a nanny, rather than an au pair, as we are expecting a baby in August and I will be going back to work afterwards....

I sense you're probably not very happy with your au pair Ameriscot? If she's that dispensable why do you have her>?

Having said that, I think an au pair is a bit different, more of a house guest. If I'd put them in a room where I stored our linen, then of course I'd go in and get the linen! What else can you do?! I probably wouldn't store the linen in a nanny's room though.

I can't imagine a situation where I'd have to disturb a sleeping au pair, kanga (well, maybe if the house was on fire). I'm not so desperate for towels - would be happy to use an old one, or take one from another bathroom.

beachyhead sorry I am not cross with you

I have sent a CAT to explain what has happened in past

I ditto you pph - that's the way I intend on doing it - it was just a genuine question as to whether she OUGHT to have a lock on her door, for her sake!!!!

So a nanny basically looks after the children? and an au pair does what? can someone explain the difference

Big writing, Kanga...

Honestly, if an au pair wants to hide something, she can easily put it in a drawer. There is an amount of mutual trust involved when someone is living in your house. I don't expect my au pair to go through my paperwork, but I'm not going to hide it away either. The au pair is exposed to a lot more of my private things that I am ever of hers.

My au pair is fab, Jampots.

Dispensible - everyone is in whatever job they do
Why do I have her? Because I want to.

An au pair is a skivvy as well

A nanny is just for children but somepeople use the term incorrectly

and expect a nanny to work for pennies and work all day and do cleaning and ironing

or some people who say they pay au pair wages but expect 12 hours work which is wrong.

Typically I see a nanny as having some form of qualification like a NNEB or NVQ level 2 or 3. They will have sole charge while I am at work. An au pair may not have a qualification and is typically not given sole charge. Salary wise there is a big difference.

beachyhead well put

t's not actually renting unless she has her own front door to the exterior of the house

Not sure I'd agree with that one. I know lots of people who do actually rent rooms in peoples houses - they don't have their own front door but they still rent the room.

gwenick good point

An au pair is unqualified, Jampots, and do not have sole care of young children. They are used mostly for taking children to and from school, and for doing light housework. They do this in return for room, board and pocket money, to enable them to learn English or get immersed in the culture.

Nannies have sole charge of children, including babies, for long hours (9 or 10 hours a day), doing everything for them including cooking their meals.

beachyhead, our au pair has her room on the lower ground floor (it has a door out to a private terrace and is very nice) and although it can be a little cdark, she choose it over the loft room that we could have given her. she likes the chance to be separate from us putting the kids to bed in the evenings. I would never go into her room, but I do use "her" bathroom as it's where our washing machine and dryer are. Ironically, she ikes to keep her door open, so I am forever having to usher the kids out of there when it's her time off!

My au pair works for 5 hours a day - 2 hours housekeeping and 3 hours childcare. She's not a skivvy (she works alongside me, and I wouldn't call myself a skivvy), and she seems happy with it. It's really just experiencing normal life...

Wilbur, I think your house is our house!!!!!

Sorry Beachyhead - you said nanny, not au pair. in that case I'd be even more inclined to put her in the basement, as she may probably be more adult, more confident etc, and truly, truly value the privacy of the basement room. It sounds a good perk, to me, and should help you attract the right person. Good luck

Oh the qualification and job description debate. My how this thread has evolved off topic.

Clarification 1: Nannies don't all have formal qualifications. Those notes are common among the British, but not in foreign nannies.

Clarification 2: You can hire any EU citicen, and give them any job description you want. However, you must clarify with said employee what the job entails and what they will be paid (this is a legal requirement for the employer)

I have a "nanny" / "au pair" / whatever you like to call her that does not have formal qualifications. She has 3 college degrees (one in education, one in nutrition/health, and one in veterinary medicine. She 48 years old, divorced, and has two grown children (I have met one of them, and she is a fine example of what I would like my children to be when they are grown). So, on paper there are no qualifications to speak of. In fact, she won't qualify for the childcare voucher scheme. But, in my view, she is perfectly qualified to look after my toddler.

Your situation sounds similar to ours Beachyhead. Our nanny/au pair (whatever the correct description is) has a room in the semi basement off the kitchen/playroom with a bathroom that is sole use when she's off duty (there's a corridor door that she can shut when she's in her room). This also shuts off the laundry room so at weekends I can't get to the washing machine if she's not up so the agreement is that if she's not up by lunchtime she risks being woken up by the washing machine - it's never been an issue because she's never stayed in bed that long.

It never occurred to me to put a lock on her bedroom door - I like to think that we would respect a closed door and not need to be physically prevented from entering. I did get a lock put on the bathroom door though - it seemed sensible to avoid embarrassing moments.

I'm not going to get into the misuse of Au Pairs . I was a misused nanny!!

Anyway with regards to the accomidation, the better and more private it is the higher the calibre of nanny you will attract. A private shower and use of kitchenette is a big bonus. It gives them space when off duty and less chance of them intruding into your space.

If you give them respect and treat them as an employee not a glorified babysitter/ skivvy your children will be much better cared for .

well said scribble

BeachyHead, nannies are expected to clean their own rooms.

When I worked as a nanny (many eons ago) I once had a job in a house where the mother actually insisted I slept with the door of my bedroom open ? she was a really strange, difficult woman. One night, when it was really hot, I went to bed in the buff with just a sheet on, and locked the door as I didn't want the children (6 & 9) wondering in. The next thing I knew she was hammering on my door at about 1 in the morning, shouting that I wasn't EVER to even close my bedroom door. Fortunately, it was only a temporary job, but it was a bit of nightmare.

Personally, I think as Skribble suggests, mutual respect of privacy is the best way and if your nanny feels her personal space isn't going to be invaded, and that the children respect this too, you'll get the best out of her.

Living in someone else's house isn't always easy and I think, from a nanny's point of view, it's important to be able to feel you have somewhere where you can just be yourself and not feel you have to be on your guard in case someone decides to pop in unannounced.

(On another matter, but slightly related, I remember renting a flat in the basement of the landlord's house once ? he had a key and would let himself in whenever he felt like it. One Saturday morning, when I'd just got out of the bath, I heard a knock which was immediately followed by footsteps down (my) stairs. "I've just come down to check on the gas meter," he bellowed. I replied, "Can you come back later ? I've just got out of the bath"
"Oh, I don't mind," came his response, as he marched past me through my hallway, gas meter-reading notebook in hand... )
Perhaps it's just me...