If I have a live in nanny, should she have a lock on her door and do you go in there at all?

[beachyhead]

We are thinking about getting a live in nanny this summer and we've got a couple of options for where she could sleep. Either a small room upstairs, and then get the use of the playroom, shower room and small kitcheny area (the utility room) in the evenings or we could just give up the play room and she could have that as her bedroom/studio etc. It would mean we would lose the playroom, but it is much more segregated so we would be less bumping into each other in bedroom corridors.......

Do live in nannies expect to have a lock on their bedroom door - only asked as we haven't any locks on our internal doors? and do you go in there at all, or does the cleaner?

Too many questions!!!!Oh and I am talking about a nanny, rather than an au pair, as we are expecting a baby in August and I will be going back to work afterwards....

[mishmash]

My nanny has moved out and I still feel guilty going into her room as she has some stuff still left there

She used to lock her room to start off but then I had some clothes in her wardrobe so needed access so she didn't mind leaving it open

When she came first she used to lock it at night when she went to bed

[Uwila]

Oh Frieda, what a freak. Whilst I was opposed to the lock, I would NEVER do anything like that. Rather strange. Whilst some people aren't fit to be nannies, others are clearly not fit to be employers.

[beachyhead]

Thanks for all your messages - I think you are right - we will be offering up the playroom when the time comes, probably summer ish, so she can have her mornings and evenings without having to bump into us. Another big plus will be, that when the baby comes, she won't be woken up at night......with the inevitable screaming!!!!!I am in two minds about having a live in at all - we have had a great live out for the last three years and it is really on grounds of cost that we are thinking of a live in, (but after reading this thread, I'm not sure if I am prepared to share my house at all!!!!!) Still plenty of time to think about it and might 'practice' with a live in mothers help while on maternity leave and see how it goes...

[Frieda]

When I worked as a nanny (many eons ago) I once had a job in a house where the mother actually insisted I slept with the door of my bedroom open ? she was a really strange, difficult woman. One night, when it was really hot, I went to bed in the buff with just a sheet on, and locked the door as I didn't want the children (6 & 9) wondering in. The next thing I knew she was hammering on my door at about 1 in the morning, shouting that I wasn't EVER to even close my bedroom door. Fortunately, it was only a temporary job, but it was a bit of nightmare.

Personally, I think as Skribble suggests, mutual respect of privacy is the best way and if your nanny feels her personal space isn't going to be invaded, and that the children respect this too, you'll get the best out of her.

Living in someone else's house isn't always easy and I think, from a nanny's point of view, it's important to be able to feel you have somewhere where you can just be yourself and not feel you have to be on your guard in case someone decides to pop in unannounced.

(On another matter, but slightly related, I remember renting a flat in the basement of the landlord's house once ? he had a key and would let himself in whenever he felt like it. One Saturday morning, when I'd just got out of the bath, I heard a knock which was immediately followed by footsteps down (my) stairs. "I've just come down to check on the gas meter," he bellowed. I replied, "Can you come back later ? I've just got out of the bath"
"Oh, I don't mind," came his response, as he marched past me through my hallway, gas meter-reading notebook in hand... )
Perhaps it's just me...

[ChicPea]

BeachyHead, nannies are expected to clean their own rooms.

[RTKangaMummy]

well said scribble

[Skribble]

I'm not going to get into the misuse of Au Pairs . I was a misused nanny!!

Anyway with regards to the accomidation, the better and more private it is the higher the calibre of nanny you will attract. A private shower and use of kitchenette is a big bonus. It gives them space when off duty and less chance of them intruding into your space.

If you give them respect and treat them as an employee not a glorified babysitter/ skivvy your children will be much better cared for .

[Issymum]

Our nanny has the top floor of our house (bedroom, sitting/dining room, bathroom, kitchen and boxroom). She shares our front door and stairs. We recently reconfigured the top floor so that it has a single door as an entrance (previously you had to go out onto the landing to get into the bedroom) and this gives her much more privacy. She doesn't have a lock on the door but I always knock and wait for her to open the door before going in. It's her space. I'm doubly careful of her privacy as she lives with her husband, they are both in their mid-twenties and I absolutely do not want to [ahem] disturb them . Something they really don't need to worry about with us!

If I know that they're out and I need to go into the flat to retrieve a necessary lost item (child, cat, library card etc.) then I will. I have also been known to show friends up there (when our nanny is out). I feel a little guilty about doing that ("it's her space") but it's the only part of the house we've redecorated, I'm rather proud of it and she is manically tidy.

If our nanny and her husband go out and we are up and around when they come back they will normally pop their heads round the kitchen/sitting room door to say 'hi' and have a quick chat. I like that - it feels less an intrusion of our privacy and more of an acknowledgement that we are happily sharing some parts of our lives. Beyond that, because they have separate accommodation, we don't feel that they are 'there' at the weekends, although they do seem to have an unhappy knack of going in or out just when I'm shouting at the children.

[MrsWobble]

Your situation sounds similar to ours Beachyhead. Our nanny/au pair (whatever the correct description is) has a room in the semi basement off the kitchen/playroom with a bathroom that is sole use when she's off duty (there's a corridor door that she can shut when she's in her room). This also shuts off the laundry room so at weekends I can't get to the washing machine if she's not up so the agreement is that if she's not up by lunchtime she risks being woken up by the washing machine - it's never been an issue because she's never stayed in bed that long.

It never occurred to me to put a lock on her bedroom door - I like to think that we would respect a closed door and not need to be physically prevented from entering. I did get a lock put on the bathroom door though - it seemed sensible to avoid embarrassing moments.

[Uwila]

Oh the qualification and job description debate. My how this thread has evolved off topic.

Clarification 1: Nannies don't all have formal qualifications. Those notes are common among the British, but not in foreign nannies.

Clarification 2: You can hire any EU citicen, and give them any job description you want. However, you must clarify with said employee what the job entails and what they will be paid (this is a legal requirement for the employer)

I have a "nanny" / "au pair" / whatever you like to call her that does not have formal qualifications. She has 3 college degrees (one in education, one in nutrition/health, and one in veterinary medicine. She 48 years old, divorced, and has two grown children (I have met one of them, and she is a fine example of what I would like my children to be when they are grown). So, on paper there are no qualifications to speak of. In fact, she won't qualify for the childcare voucher scheme. But, in my view, she is perfectly qualified to look after my toddler.

[Blu]

Sorry Beachyhead - you said nanny, not au pair. in that case I'd be even more inclined to put her in the basement, as she may probably be more adult, more confident etc, and truly, truly value the privacy of the basement room. It sounds a good perk, to me, and should help you attract the right person. Good luck

[beachyhead]

Wilbur, I think your house is our house!!!!!

[Ameriscot2005]

My au pair works for 5 hours a day - 2 hours housekeeping and 3 hours childcare. She's not a skivvy (she works alongside me, and I wouldn't call myself a skivvy), and she seems happy with it. It's really just experiencing normal life...

[wilbur]

beachyhead, our au pair has her room on the lower ground floor (it has a door out to a private terrace and is very nice) and although it can be a little cdark, she choose it over the loft room that we could have given her. she likes the chance to be separate from us putting the kids to bed in the evenings. I would never go into her room, but I do use "her" bathroom as it's where our washing machine and dryer are. Ironically, she ikes to keep her door open, so I am forever having to usher the kids out of there when it's her time off!

[Ameriscot2005]

An au pair is unqualified, Jampots, and do not have sole care of young children. They are used mostly for taking children to and from school, and for doing light housework. They do this in return for room, board and pocket money, to enable them to learn English or get immersed in the culture.

Nannies have sole charge of children, including babies, for long hours (9 or 10 hours a day), doing everything for them including cooking their meals.

[RTKangaMummy]

gwenick good point

[Gwenick]

t's not actually renting unless she has her own front door to the exterior of the house

Not sure I'd agree with that one. I know lots of people who do actually rent rooms in peoples houses - they don't have their own front door but they still rent the room.

[RTKangaMummy]

beachyhead well put

[beachyhead]

Typically I see a nanny as having some form of qualification like a NNEB or NVQ level 2 or 3. They will have sole charge while I am at work. An au pair may not have a qualification and is typically not given sole charge. Salary wise there is a big difference.

[RTKangaMummy]

An au pair is a skivvy as well

A nanny is just for children but somepeople use the term incorrectly

and expect a nanny to work for pennies and work all day and do cleaning and ironing

or some people who say they pay au pair wages but expect 12 hours work which is wrong.

[Ameriscot2005]

My au pair is fab, Jampots.

Dispensible - everyone is in whatever job they do
Why do I have her? Because I want to.

[Ameriscot2005]

Big writing, Kanga...

Honestly, if an au pair wants to hide something, she can easily put it in a drawer. There is an amount of mutual trust involved when someone is living in your house. I don't expect my au pair to go through my paperwork, but I'm not going to hide it away either. The au pair is exposed to a lot more of my private things that I am ever of hers.

[jampots]

So a nanny basically looks after the children? and an au pair does what? can someone explain the difference

[beachyhead]

I ditto you pph - that's the way I intend on doing it - it was just a genuine question as to whether she OUGHT to have a lock on her door, for her sake!!!!

[RTKangaMummy]

beachyhead sorry I am not cross with you

I have sent a CAT to explain what has happened in past