I have had so many changes of nanny in the last 6 months - we hvae now hired a really nice nanny - help me keep her!!!

[lisalisa]

Sometimes I think we must be every nanny's nightmare as the last 6 months we have had bad run after bad run ( and before the bad run had a great nanny for over a year but were eventually duped very badly by her) .

We have now found a lovely nanny - a girl from Slovakia aged 26 who is sweet and loving to my nearly 3 yr old ds2 and very calm and efficient wiht older children.

Her duties are child related only although she does have to clean the kitchen ( wiht the assistance of me and the kids) twice per day ( it is a v large kitchen whcih gets spectacularly messy with 5 kids and 3 adults in it!) and keep family wash going ( no ironing though).

Some tips for making sure everything stays sweet please but ensuring she does'nt walk all over me/take advantage ( feeling sore from my past experience where last nanny who lasted just under 2 months ripped us off good and proper)

Oh, good luck Lisa!

Did I miss something with you being ripped off???

Just be kind to her I suppose. I was a nanny once and my boss was lovely but I heard lots of horror stories.

Yes probalby - we let our most recent nanny go end of last week - traditional notice - 4 weeks pay, 2 days holiday, 2 days double time bank holiday and we didn't ask her to work her notice. Financial rip off.

And we were ripped off whilst she was here very badly - she was the worst nanny I can think of. Absolutely nothing - bar nothing was done right. Example - dd1 ( aged nearly 12)'s bras were put in ds ' cupboard. Her ballet leotard put in my drawer tucked where my tights were ( nanny knew and was aware that when ballet stuff washed should be returned to relevant kit bag let alone stuffed just anywhere !). Tuna sandwiches made without draining water ( i.e. without any care whatsoever) so all bread dissolved into disgusting muck by lunchtime. Dishes washed still very greasy ( and i am not fussy), children's rooms supposed to be kept tidy/hoovered/wood floor in one child's room mopped just not done and always dirty ( ended up doing it myself ). she also fed ds2 ( not even 3) cuppa soup for lunch with chocolate for desrt and argued that there was nothing wrong wiht that. Also gave him tons of fruit to avoid having to think up proper snaks - i,e, cheese on toast, eggs. At ahtt age , too much fruit is not good and ds was getting through 6/7 pieces a day.

useless useless ueslees an dthe most epxensive nanny i have ever ever hired.

Oh Lisa. I can relate to some of that. My last nanny (the that preceeded current one) was a slacker. She just couldn't be arsed with lots of things. I was always following up and following up only to have her explain to me why she couldn't do something. She was a nice girl, but nannying was not for her.

My current nanny is lovely, but sadly returning to Poland to finish her studies in September. The nerve!

at last nanny lisalisa! I would do the usual 1 week trial, 3 month probation period, that way if you think the lovely new nanny isn't perhaps quite a lovely as you had hoped, you can be fairly brutal about replacing her.

I would NOT want to be argued with about what the children ate for their meals (!!!), but perhaps if you provided your new nanny with a typed list of all of the important things, it would help her settle in?

Giving her some time off if you are home early or go away for a weekend, finding out what her likes and dislikes re: food etc are, should all help your nanny feel comfortable. Regular reviews where you talk about progress and she can air any concerns etc should all help too?

There's some good tips thanks.

how about house rules as she's actually living in with us? ( not that she seems to need them - she seems very discreet and easy to live wiht).

Anything your nanny does, and you don't pull her up on, she will think it is okay so make sure you speak up.

If you are home early, letting her go early too is always appreciated.

Say thank you. I know you are paying her to do a job but thanking her costs nothing and goes a long way.

An ex nanny.

Ask her nicely to do things - not tell her

Make sure she is able to finish on time - being late by 5 or 10 minutes every day is annoying

Back her up during her working hours - there is nothing worse than being undermined, especially in front of the children

Say thank you to her at the end of the day - it goes a long way

Bring her a bunch of flowers at the end of the week, it'll boost her confidence and ego a bit and make her feel great at the end of what must be a very busy week in the lisalisa household! A show of gratitude goes a long way and will make her feel appreciated and more likely to keep on doing the great job that she is!

I think we hold the world record for keeping a nanny (except for aristos who pass them down in the family) Our lovely nanny came when DS1 was 6 weeks old and as live in until he was 5, liveout til he was 8 and then was our childminder until he was 11 and DS2 was 8. Trust your nanny and give her lots of freedom, don't be too fussy about what she does and what she feeds them, she is the expert is she is qualified. If you can't pay top whack wages make sure she has lovely christmas and birthday presents, be really fair over holidays and baby sitting - always let her go on time and welcome and be really interested in her friends and family ( they may be your relief child carers if you are really lucky - our nanny's friends were all nannys too). Never patronise her or make her feel inferior in any way. Our old nanny is now fiend and agony aunt to the boys and still visits with her own children, that advert in "The Lady " was a marvelous investment.

I think we hold the world record for keeping a nanny (except for aristos who pass them down in the family) Our lovely nanny came when DS1 was 6 weeks old and as live in until he was 5, liveout til he was 8 and then was our childminder until he was 11 and DS2 was 8. Trust your nanny and give her lots of freedom, don't be too fussy about what she does and what she feeds them, she is the expert is she is qualified. If you can't pay top whack wages make sure she has lovely christmas and birthday presents, be really fair over holidays and baby sitting - always let her go on time and welcome and be really interested in her friends and family ( they may be your relief child carers if you are really lucky - our nanny's friends were all nannys too). Never patronise her or make her feel inferior in any way. Our old nanny is now fiend and agony aunt to the boys and still visits with her own children, that advert in "The Lady " was a marvelous investment.

I've had nice presents, cristal champagne, louis vuitton handbag, purse, lladro etc, dh has a lot to live up too.

Higgle you sound lovely!!

Okay, this is my opinion but I'm aware not everyone shares it. It also depends on what sort of job you've advertised IYSWIM.

Anyway IMO, a good, experienced nanny is not a domestic and shouldn't be treated as such. Yes fine she should clear up after herself and the children, and if agreed do their laundry and keep their things nice. But I wouldn't expect my DDs nanny to mop or clean etc.

As far as I'm concerned, our nanny is a childcare professional whose job is to look after my children. I respect her area of expertise, and she respects how I want my children to be raised.

Aside from that basic stuff, the best way to keep a nanny is just to treat them the same as you'd want to be treated by an employer. Pay them properly, make sure you explain what you want done clearly and courteously, and keep complaints or criticism polite and constructive. Show them you appreciate them with words as well as gifts (and yes presents are good, but so are little things from their charges).

Thanks everyone - really helpful comments especilly from higgle. About top whack wages we paid last nanny though the nose - I can't even print what we paid as it makes us look ridiculous ( which we were!!). She now has new job at 35% less by way of exapmle!!

Taliac - I agree with you about ensuring nannies do not become domestics although think I go too far the other way in trying to minimise her "nursery duties" too much and make a rod for my own back in the end as i know most nannies don't enjoy it. for e.g last night i was up till gone midnight sorting dcs washing as i didn't want new nanny to see this massive pile ( after neglect by previous nanny ) and get put off ( twas all clean washing by the way but not folded or sorted. My dh said this was stupid and i ought to have shown her th epile and asked her to do it slowly in her own time ( don't mean her free time obviously just according to her own schedule). Interested to hear others views on making things as easy as poss for nanny?

TBH Lisa any decent nanny would have seen that pile and thought "ok that's all kids stuff, I'll tackle it in batches as time allows". Even if it was the residual chaos from the last nanny, a new nanny would and should not feel too bad about bringing things up to their own standards of organisation. I'm probably bordering on OCD but when I start a job like to get an overall picture of how things are organised, from meals to schedules to laundry, then if I think I can improve on anything I talk to the parents, then roll up my sleeves and get stuck in LOL. The point being, if all the things related to the children are well organised from the start, it is going to make MY life easier, and often that spills over into making the parents lives easier too. And that's really the point of having a nanny (a decent one anyway LOL) YOUR life should be made easier.

Lisa, I would say it's important to remember that there are three adults in the house making up a tringle of supervisory roles in the house. In my house sometimes DH agrees to do things then doesn't, but it's nanny who has to pick up the slack and I'm left apologising. If DH agrees to say clean the kitchen and then doesn't and you realise it monday morning as nanny comes on duty and you have to leave for work and therefore can't clean it for her before you go, then DH is accountable not you. I think it's important that DH is as committed to keeping the nanny as happy as you are.

(this example is a bit unfair as my DH does his fair share of housework.)

Thank you both for your messages. I think i'm coming to the conclusion that you can't have everything in a nanny ( like peopel generally really) - for e.g. if she's affectionate and loving to the kids then perhaps her weak point is organisation ( mananny you sound great - going weak at the knees imagining that kind of help!). conversely if she's a fiend at organisation /routine etc then perhaps she's not so free with the love and hugs.

I'll have to wait to see how this one turns out. She's ok at tidying/hygeine with kids ( prevoius nanny didn't even make sure they washed hands after the loo )but she seems fairly fragile ( said she'd never chopped an onion beofre this monrnig and took her nearly 15 mins to peel, chop and slice two onions!)and I'm not sure how she'll cope/last after witnessing one of the spectacular fights my kids can soemtimes have in teh monrnig while feeling grouchy ....

And for all the nannies/mums employing one out there - one small question....

i tend to cook before I go to work at the moment whilst dcs are having brekkie - this monring was preparing spag bol sauce ( with meat). I asked nannie to peel and chop onions, carrots and courgettes for it and she gave me a quizzical look. She took ages and ages with all the veg and didn't look very chuffed. Presumably this is all acceptable nanny duties bearing in mind this is the kids dinner ?!

Yes, Lisa, this is fair ground for the nanny. But as you point out everyone has good points and bad points.

For example my current nanny (who I like very much), is very proactive (does things before I ask her to sometimes), is tidy and organised, is very committed to the job (always available for extra hours when requested), everytime I ask her to do something it is done without fail in record speed. Basically, she is fab and I love her.

But....
She is not very good on the nutrition front. She likes convenience food. She would expect her spag bol sauce to come in a jar and maybe add the meat to it at most. She LOVES garlic but can't be bothered to chop fresh garlic. Much prefers to open a jar and sprinkle (pour actually). She rips packages of cheese open so that they can't be neatly wrapped up to prevent cheese from drying out.

But still she is the best nanny I have ever had and I over look the other things because she does most things very well. DD's teacher and some of the mums and various mums from the gate have approched me out of the blue to tell me how good she is.

You do have have to take the person as a whole (especially when she is live-in!) and have realistic expectations. You can't expect perfection. But, on the other hand, you can expect her to do the job.

I think you should perhaps have a lighthearted chat with her and ask her what she would like to cook for the kids. Maybe she just wants to do it on her own time. Or maybe she wants to choose what to cooke rather than "Here. Chop this onion will ya." Or maybe she has never peeled an onion. If that is the case, then I'd leave her a variety of recipes as suggestions for things the kids like. You could even present it as "Since you just started you obviously don't know yet what the kids do/don't like to eat so I've prepared some recipes for you of things I know they'll eat." But don't go down to the level of telling her what to cook when.

BTW, I am most impressed that you whip up spag bol in the morning while kids are having breakkie. I pass mine over to nanny upstairs in pyjamas and leave breakfast, lunch, and dinner to her to sort out.

I have to say I'm only a fiend about organisation in the first week or two of a job, by that stage everything is generally how I like it, and running smoothly. That then frees up much of my day to concentrate on the children, do lots of crafts and stories and playground visits and generally wear them out so they sleep all night! We do hug and kiss and have piggy back or horsey rides a lot, as its important to me that children get lots of love from whoever is in their lives, plus I can't help smooching them as they are so darned cute and funny!

My weak point is currently discipline. They make me laugh (deliberately) when they've been naughty and so unless it was a biting/hitting offense or throwing food across the kitchen, I have trouble keeping a straight face and therefore they get away with murder. Any of the above offenses gets an automatic 3 minute cool off in the stroller (they won't sit on a step yet) though. So if anyone has any hints on how to not crack up when the little buggers turn on the charm after being rascals I'd love to know. Its getting a tad uncomfortable being wound so tightly round their little fingers.

Going back to the cooking thing though. If you stipulate cooking the childrens meals is part of the job, then your nanny has to cook their meals. Simple. And they should meet, or come close to, your own requirements nutritionally. It doesn't have to be complicated food. My charges won't eat anything in a sauce or gravy or mixed up, so I cook separate veg, chicken, pasta with butter, baked fish, etc and put it in little piles on their plates and they'll quite happily dig in. Give them spaggy bol and not a chance. Am ignoring the fussies and cooking a variety of what I know they'll eat.

I agree with Athene, you'll never get a 100% match in a nanny. But as long as the children are clean, growing, laughing and learning then compromise is the name of the game. My bosses prefer not to have quiet, seen and not heard kids. Good thing too as they are loud, rambunctious and funny as hell. But they always say please and thankyou, and they are a joy to look after. The important things are the things my bosses and I agree on. After that we don't really sweat the small stuff.

Jura, I think of you every time I see the unwrapped cheese. ThenI think oh no, don't want to be a mad woman. So I wrap it myself, put it back, take a deep breath, and walk away.

(incidentally, this little habit is not specific to cheese. She also leaves a half a lemon on the shelf unwrapped, half a cucumber, half an onion, you get the idea)

I have not mentioned any of this to nanny so I really hope she doesn't read mumsnet! But, as I said in the greater scheme of things, it's not a battle worth having.

Now... if she drank my last Diet Coke, then we'd need to sit down. This is in fact my one (weird, I know) food rule. "Never drink my last Diet Coke. You can have anything else you like.")

Lol at your Diet Coke rule!!!!! I have the same one. (If you don't want a crazy nanny on your hands make sure there's some DC in the frig or else)

Get the cheese preserver form Lakeland and that will help.

I know people say don't sweat the small stuff but it is usually something small that blows things up. If it annoys you and will bug you every time they do it, say so. I was a nanny and would rather have known than feel resentment growing from the parent. You are paying them to do a job and things that are important to you shouldn't be let slide because they are brilliant at something else imho.