Is it reasonable for our nanny to bring her mother along?

[NannyQ565]

Hello all!

Our nanny comes from a different city and her mom is due to visit soon. She has asked whether her mom can come with her while she is looking after our daughter one day at the end of her trip, so that she can show her the area. The idea is that the mom comes to our house and accompanies the nanny/our daughter when they go on their trips for the day.

The nanny is very kind but we have some problems with expectations/laziness perhaps and I don't know whether this is over stepping the mark and taking advantage (I of course would never take a family member to work with me) or if this is nice and something that is appropriate within the unique role of a nanny.

All thoughts welcome!

If I trusted the nanny enough I would allow it.
It is a big ask though. In my opinion.

Erm, no.
Who takes their mum to work with them?

However, you could chat about it and find out whether there might actually be added value in it for your child. Eg one of them has your child on a swing whilst the other one runs around to see where the nearest public loo is for when needed. That sort of teamwork.

Your brief description of nanny doesn't really steer things in that direction.
. It's your call

I don’t think I would feel comfortable with this but that could just be me. I know the due diligence done when organising childcare and I’m afraid I wouldn’t know this woman, have a PVG for her etc so it would be a no. Should the nanny wish to take annual leave I would try to be accommodating.

as long as the nanny was doing child related activities I wouldn't mind.
What are you worried about?

Well if nanny's mum is there to explore the area then nanny and her are likely to be chatting about it. DC gets less attention, perhaps becomes an accessory to nanny and mum having a nice day out.
I mean, that's not really what you're paying for.

No. She’s at work.

No. This is work so should not involve bringing family along.

Concerns are that she will be distracted / not paying attention to the child and that our daughter won't feel comfortable with a stranger being around her and probably engaging all day.

It's one day. I'd be happy to allow this.

Weird.

I’d insist that any adult working with my child would need a full DBS check or no way.

This wouldn't bother me at all

I think for one day I would say yes but mother is not to be left alone with the child.

I can’t see an issue with this, but then again I’m a dog walker and my mum often comes to work with me 😂

I’d consider it if I knew the nanny for a long time, but I’d ask what the plans are for the day to see if it’s child friendly and I’d also make her confirm to me in writing that the mum will not be left alone with my child.

These would be my concerns.
You dont take your mother to work.

I'd give her a simple choice...

She can take the day unpaid or as a days paid annual leave and spend it with her mother....
OR She can come to work...

It’s one day so shouldn’t be a massive issue for either of you whether you agree or disagree. If it works well your DD will get the attention of two adults, if badly the adults will be preoccupied with each other. Your call.

I think it's OK for her to ask but that you should not feel guilty saying no if you're not comfortable or don't think your daughter would deal well with the situation. Does the nanny not have any time off during her mother's visit when she can really show het the area and focus on that? I'd be more inclined to offer her a day or half day off if that were possible.

All that said - it sounds like you don't fully trust the nanny's judgement re your child. I would probably be looking pretty aggressively for a new nanny in that case.

The nanny is very kind but we have some problems with expectations/laziness - this is the biot that would really worry me ...

These replies are crazy. A nanny is someone that you need to have a good personal relationship with for it to work well. Saying ‘she’s at work, you don’t bring your mum along’ are ignoring the practical realities of the job - why would it be a concern for 1 day if her mum came along on trips, and why would it indicate she couldn’t also look after OP’s DD?

‘Confirm in writing’ 😳😳😳

Dear God. That’s so OTT. If you haven’t a relationship of trust, both ways, with the person minding your DC, it’s not a workable situation.